Six weeks in. So, how are you holding up? We’re all taking it day by day, aren’t we?
I’ve been seeing this quote floating around social media quite a lot. Along the same lines, I’m seeing a lot of thoughts to the effect of: “Our kids might not understand what’s going on, but they’ll remember the time that we all had to stay home together – the family dinners we ate, the stories we read, the projects we created…” And while I’m down with anything that is comforting folks during this weird and scary time – am I the only one who is getting more stressed out by seeing these kinds of posts pop up in my feed, over and over again?
To me – it feels like a lot of pressure. It feels like the internet is telling me that on top of working full-time from home (which I recognize I am fortunate I can do) and educating my children and entertaining them in a smallish urban townhouse, I am also supposed to… find this all really meaningful? I am supposed to create art, meditate, cook nutritious and soul-warming family dinners (from the pantry, guys), officiate board game nights, clean my house, listen to the wind, and be a generally more peaceful person? All while healing the earth and my spirit, and creating lifelong family memories, of course. And put it all on social media, no filter necessary.
(Those are suns, not coronaviruses.)
Fine, internet. I give up. You come break up the tenth screaming match that has broken out in the preschooler’s bedroom before lunch. You lay on your stomach fishing Lincoln Logs (the smallest ones) out from under the bookshelf where they skidded across the floor after someone tripped over a cabin again, while the five-year-old wails that he is THE WORST at Lincoln Logs. You try to find a clean space on the counter to knead that homemade loaf of sourdough sandwich bread that no one will eat. You try to work in shifts, only to find yourself fruitlessly repeating “Daddy’s in charge” all afternoon while the kids interrupt your designated work time to ask for paint, markers, scissors, to make egg carton caterpillars, to do sidewalk chalk, and to watch TV.
I’m exhausted, and overwhelmed, and climbing the walls, and just generally over it all. Work has been stressful – nothing I can talk about on here, and while I am not worried about being laid-off, it’s been hard to try to navigate this new situation and keep my co-workers calm through all the changes we’ve had to weather. The kids are at each other’s throats constantly these days, it seems, and the only way to keep World War III from breaking out is to keep them separated, but we have nowhere to go. I’m worried about the economy and about catching the virus, and now there are murder hornets too???
I recognize that I have it much better than most. I have a job that allows me to work remotely, and I am not in fear of losing it. Steve works remotely all the time, so other than having three new “co-workers” his situation hasn’t changed and he’s not in fear of losing his job either. We have food and household essentials – enough, not Doomsday prepper style, we’ve left plenty for others, but we’re not in danger of running out. We have the flexibility to alternate our work and childcare, and employers who understand. And most importantly, we have our health. We’re all young and strong and none of us have the virus (that we know of). So – yes, I have no cause for complaint.
Here’s how I’m coping (admittedly, some days better than others, and yes – real talk – I am doing a lot of yelling):
Lots of fresh air. Playgrounds are off-limits right now, but there’s still the bike path, and watching the empty Metro trains rush by.
There’s the Carlyle House garden, which seems to be one of the best-kept secrets in town. Peanut hosted her friends for a “reading party” here in happier days. Lately, we’ve always been the only ones there, but that just means we have our pick of sticks for digging worm obstacle courses. Or we did, until Alexandria closed off all fenced parks and gardens. No more Carlyle House for awhile.
The library’s closed, but we can still look at the outside of the building.
We can hike sometimes, when we’re able to find a trail where the parking lots are open and the crowds are mostly missing. This is becoming a harder and harder task these days. But occasionally the stars align.
I can run in my neighborhood. This isn’t the way I thought I’d be spending my last few months in Old Town (although we’ll still be here all the time; we’re only moving a county away). While I can’t enjoy eating in my favorite OT restaurants – some of them are not offering takeout – or popping into Red Barn Mercantile, Pacers, Conte’s Bike Shop or Old Town Books, I can still take in quaint cobblestone streets lined with historic row houses and feel the breeze blowing in off the Potomac, via my running shoes. And the fresh air and movement is needed, all the time really, but especially now.
We have lots of chalk to write uplifting messages for our neighbors. I wrote “BE WELL.” Nugget wrote his own version of uplifting messages: his name, his sister’s name, and “LOVE U MAMA.” Peanut drew a garden gnome. We’re all contributing in our own ways.
Chalk rainbows and sunbursts. Washed away with the next rain, but we can always draw them again.
How are you handling the quarantine?
covered in flour 
My husband and I were talking the other day about how hard it must be to have young children right now; the schooling, entertaining, etc. Ours are teenagers and our daughter just does her schoolwork and we don’t hear about it. However, teenagers never go away. One of them is always awake. Now, they wave me off to bed instead of the other way around. I am someone who needs a bit of alone time so I struggle with that. I know many say we should make the best of this time but I think pure survival is good enough.
That’s a good point about teenagers! I hadn’t thought about that… my husband and I were talking the other day about how much easier this would be if ours were just a year or two older. As they are, they’re both still SUPER needy and demanding and having their routines upended has made things very interesting. If they could just take themselves off and do their schoolwork and I just could step in and facilitate where needed, I feel like I would be a lot less on edge – part of my stress is coming from my to-do list at work getting longer and longer and longer, and not having enough hours in the day to get it all done because I have to work in shifts with my husband. But I hadn’t considered the part about how you NEVER get a break from teenagers. At least my rugrats go off to bed, leaving me a few solid kid-free hours in the evenings! There are definitely different challenges that come with different ages. Hang in there, friend! We’re all in this together!
THANK YOU, Jaclyn!!! This all needed to be said. I am in the exact same boat in so many ways, grateful re: still having job that allows to to work from home flexibly and is not at risk, my family’s good health, no danger of running out of supplies, etc. Except today is the end of our 8th week of quarantine here, and school has officially been closed for the rest of the year, so there is no end in sight, even if my office were to reopen. Yeah, I may have cried when I heard that news (even though it was expected). Because this shit is HARD.
I, too, see the endless posts from people who are developing new hobbies and reading a ton of books, and it feels like I’m living in some other dimension. What am I doing wrong? Who are these people!?! Because I’m not doing any healing here. I am with you 100% — exhausted, overwhelmed, frustrated. We’re like Bilbo, “butter scraped over too much bread”.
Thanks, friend! I’m glad this post spoke to you – it felt like a shout of frustration to write but I had to get it out. I was listening to “The Mom Hour” podcast recently and one of the hosts made the wise comment that we can be both aware of our privilege and also complain at the same time, and it’s okay. I’m aware that I am luckier than most in that I’m financially secure (although we did have pay cuts at my firm) and able to weather this crisis working from home, but it’s just not easy to get through the day-to-day and I thought others were probably feeling the same things. I’m with you on the school closure feelings. We’ve known since March that we weren’t going back – the Governor of Virginia called it very early – and while it was a huge shock when it came, I think it helped me in the long run to get the blow out of the way all at once and not have the drip, drip, drip of another two weeks of closure here, three weeks there. It was also a bit of a blessing for us, because my kids’ school had become a toxic environment for my daughter (although my son was fine there) and being away from the building and not seeing the people – we opted out of the Zoom meetings and have been mostly ignoring the lesson plans and doing our own thing – has been good for her mental health. I’m trying to look at this time as an opportunity for me to build back up her confidence and sense of self-worth, and get her prepared and excited for a new (and hopefully much BETTER) school situation in the fall. But that doesn’t mean the juggling act is easy! Sending you hugs and votes of confidence – we can all do this thing, together.
Oh, honey. I don’t even have kids and I am with you on the exhausted and frustrated. I’m working remotely, which I realize I am lucky to do, and sometimes it’s fine and sometimes it is NOT. I’m running a lot, doing yoga, buying fresh flowers (again, lucky) and trying to breathe. It’s hard. Sending love. xo
::hugs:: I think we’re all doing the best we can, but also sometimes just need to shout a little. I love seeing your flower pictures on Instagram! I know that we’re going to get through this but I am starting to really worry about what life is going to look like on the other side. Love to you, too, and I hope we can see each other soon.
You are allowed to yell. You are putting up with SO much. Complain as much as you need to! Sending you virtual hugs and much love. 🙂
Thanks, friend! I am trying to keep the perspective that it’s possible to be aware of the many ways in which we are privileged, but also to vent and complain. Thank you for the virtual hugs and love! I can’t wait until this is over and those hugs can be “real life” hugs again. I miss your lovely face!
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