It just occurred to me that we’re more than halfway through the year now, so a check-in on the goals I set at the beginning of January would be timely.  2018 hasn’t been the great year I was hoping for – both in the world (I suspected this) and personally, so far.  The first half of the year saw me putting in so much time at work that there has been little time to do anything else.  I’m not afraid of hard work, certainly, and I’m grateful to have a job and to be busy – but when you’re working every weekend until the end of April, it’s hard to find time to consistently do anything else.  Any spare time I have had this year has been reserved for the kids and for Steve.  Some years are like that, and again, I’m grateful to have them all and for this life that I am leading – but in the second half of the year, I am hoping for a little more time for me, too.  I know where I’d like that time to come from, so we’ll see.  With that disclaimer:

Outdoors/Fitness

• Another 12 Month Hiking Project.  This is one area I can say I’m succeeding in!  It helps that hiking is something I can do with my family, and something that 3/4 of us really enjoy.  (Peanut isn’t always excited about trail time, but she’s learning that this is something we do as a family.)  I’ve been out on the trails every month of the year and have taken you along for the ride.
• Complete the 52 Hike Challenge!  Again, I think I’m on track with this one.  I’m a bit behind – at 24 hikes for the year, so far, but with a hiking vacation coming up I’m expecting to make up the difference by fall.
• Get into a workout routine.  This hasn’t happened yet – displaced by work and a preschooler who seems to wake up earlier every day.  It’s easy enough to say “just get up early and work out,” but when the three-year-old gets up at 5:00 a.m. as it is, how much earlier am I supposed to be waking up to sweat?

Relationships

• Be a “yes mom.”  I’m trying – I’m trying hard at this one.  “No” has never been my default, as it is, but I’m working hard at thinking before I say no to the kids.  You want to go to the playground?  Sure.  Paint this rock at the kitchen table?  Why not!  Check out a stack of mind-numbingly awful Disney-themed easy readers from the library?  Go nuts (but I may sneak-return them when you’re not looking).  I’m sure there are times when I do say “no” unnecessarily – what parent doesn’t? – but I am trying.
• Try to chill out overall.  This one – well, again, I am trying.  But it’s not going as well.  I’ve been feeling ground down by work pressure that has seemed never to end.  I recognize that we all have our pressures, and I am in a better position, thanks to all the hours I banked in the first half of the year, than my colleagues who are worried about making their billables as the end of our fiscal year approaches – barring some catastrophe, I’m in good shape there.  But it’s not been easy to chill out in general, when I have been working as much as I have.  It had to happen, but I could sure use a pressure valve, and I won’t make that my family.
• Go on dates!  I’d give myself a solid C in this area.  We are going on dates, in large part because Steve recognizes that we have to throw our babysitter some work or she’ll stop responding to us and won’t be available when we actually need her (i.e. when the nanny calls in sick).  We’ve had a few dinners out, and we’re seeing Hamilton at the Kennedy Center this weekend (!!!!!).  But as with everything else, I could do better at this.  Part of my issue is, I feel like I get so little time with the kids as it is, given the crazy hours I’ve had to work this year, that I jealously hoard any hours I do get with them.  But I do recognize that it’s important to nurture my relationship with Steve, and that our healthy marriage is a gift we give to the kids – and date nights are a part of that, because we need that time for the two of us.  Getting into that mindset has helped a lot with my guilt at leaving them when I don’t have to, and having a couple of trusted babysitters (including our beloved nanny) has also made a difference.  Maybe we’ll make that grownups-only Billy Goat Trail hike happen this fall after all…

Personal / Self-Care

• Pack my lunches.  Another solid C.  I was doing so badly with this at the end of 2017 that there was really nowhere to go but up, and up I have gone.  I don’t pack every day, but each month I’ve done a bit better.  Again, it’s been hard because of the volume of work I’ve had this year.  When you’re putting in 65+ hour workweeks (something that has happened, more than once) then any additional task seems so onerous as to be impossible.  I also pack lunches for the kids every day, and sometimes filling those two lunch bags require all of the mental energy I have in the morning – I have nothing left to devote to deciding what I will pack for myself.  But as with many habits, it does get easier.  It’s not easy yet, but I’m working on keeping the fridge stocked with healthy and homemade options for me as well as for the kids.
• Step away from the screen.  What I have discovered is that there are two aspects to this goal – one is going well, and the other less well.  I read an article fairly recently that basically said, instead of worrying about kids’ screen time, worry about your own – don’t be zoned out in your devices around them.  That article made a huge impression and caused me to (1) fret a lot less about their time watching cartoons on the iPad – a losing battle, and also, see “be a yes mom,” above; and (2) make a conscious effort not to be on my phone around the kids.  When they’re present, the phone is usually in another room, unless I’m expecting an urgent call or email from work or am responding to something that cannot wait – but I don’t scroll Twitter or Facebook, or even my beloved Instagram, in front of them.  It’s definitely cut down on my screen time, which is good – for my relationship with them, and for my headaches, which my phone exacerbates.  That said, I could really do better about not mindlessly scrolling through my phone after they go to bed.  That’s my reading time, but I’ve been so mentally drained lately that I’ve turned to social media instead of books way too often post-bedtime.  I want to be better about that.
• Explore natural healing and wellness options.  There’s very little to say about this goal.  If you’ve noticed, there’s a theme to this update, and the theme is – I’ve been working so much, I haven’t had time to do this.  As with the workout routine, packing lunches, etc. – this is a thing that I’d very much like to do, but it’s fallen by the wayside as work has consumed every free minute I’ve had most weeks.  Since I’m a naturally hopeful person, I do hope to make this a priority in the second half of the year.  But I’m not holding my breath.

Reading

• Read fewer books.  According to Goodreads, I’d read 49 books through the end of June (and have logged five more since, for a total of 54).  That puts me on pace for about 98 books for the year, if I don’t pick up the pace – considering I had wanted to read 52, I guess this goal is a failure.  But I sort of knew going in that it would be.  I seem to land around 100 books for the year no matter what I do – that’s my sweet spot, apparently.
• Check off some of the classics on my TBR.  Ooooh, this is one I’m doing fairly well with!  Of the 54 books I’ve read so far, about 15 of them are classics – including two Elizabeth Gaskells, one George Eliot, and one E.M. Forster, all from my TBR.  I have loved classic lit since I was a teenager, and I’ve been gravitating to it more and more as a comforting escape from the burdens I’m carrying in everyday life.  There’s nothing better than sinking into a really beautiful piece of literature.
• Continue to make diverse reading a priority.  This is a tough one when you gravitate to classics – there just aren’t as many pieces of classic literature by people of color, due to historic discrimination.  So it takes some planning, and I try to choose diverse books for my literary fiction and nonfiction reading as much as possible, to make up the difference.  (I also try to read those classics by POC that are available – for instance, I have Their Eyes Were Watching God on my library stack at the moment, and I’m looking forward to picking that up soon.)  This is a goal that takes real planning and effort, but I think it’s worth it.  I’ve been making diverse reading a priority for a few years now, and it has enriched my reading experience tremendously.

Well, I think I’ve rambled enough.  I don’t feel like I want to write about my word for the year – begin – at the moment.  It’s on my mind all the time, and I’m trying to follow where it leads, but I don’t feel ready to talk about where this is going.  At least, not right now.

As you can see, the theme of 2018 so far has been – not enough time.  Not enough time to focus on me.  Not enough time with my kids.  Not enough time to work out, or go on date nights, or do so many of those things that make life worthwhile.  I wish that wasn’t the case; I wish I had something more uplifting to say.  Maybe reviewing the goals I set at the beginning of the year will give me the push I need to prioritize them when I can, and to be gentle on myself when work and parenting eat up the entire week and I have nothing left to give by Friday (which is something that happens, and not infrequently).  What can I say?  I’m very much a work in progress.

Did you set goals for 2018?  How’s it going?