Uhhhh… wow, where did this month go?  I’m writing this post on Peanut’s one month birthday (although it will post in October). Part of me can’t believe she’s already a month old.  But part of me is sort of expecting her to graduate from college soon, because this month has felt like an eternity.  Hubby and I have spent all day, every day, sitting in the NICU – holding Peanut, reading to her, singing to her (over the beeping monitors and blaring alarms), talking to her doctors, laughing at her funny facial expressions, crying when she’s sick, and waiting, waiting, waiting until the day when we can finally bring her home.  One month in, we still don’t know when that will be.

It’s been a rough month.  Long days, stressful moments, and noises so irritating and constant that our ears are ringing when we leave.  I’m told that one day I’ll look back on this fondly.  I sure hope so… but it hasn’t been all bad.  It’s hard for life to be all bad when I have this face to look at:

Okay, so I’m biased, but I’m sure you all agree with me: this kid is freaking adorable, yes?  I think she’s the cutest baby ever born.  Bar none.

I’ve gotten a lot of advice handed to me this month.  All new parents do, I know, but the advice I’m getting is a little different.  Sleep all night while you still can, take care of yourself, don’t sweat the diapers you’re not changing or the feedings you’re not doing because there will be plenty more to come… and one special piece of advice that I am really, really trying to follow.  Hubby and I met up with my boss’s wife for coffee one day – she kindly came to meet us at the hospital and shared her own experiences as a NICU alum, and she told me to make memories.

I’ve been feeling cheated, robbed of Peanut’s first weeks.  It’s hard, as a new mom, to have to ask permission to hold your own baby.  I didn’t get to give her first bath or change her first diaper, and even though I was able to hold her just a few hours after she was born, I still feel like I’ve missed out on so much with Peanut.  But I can still make memories with her – they’ll just be different memories.  When I bathe her through her isolette portals and she screams her little head off and throws her paci at me, that’s a memory.  I gave her her first bottle (she spat most of it out) and dressed her in her first little shirt from home.  Those are memories.  And every time I hold her in my arms and sing Jack Johnson’s “We’re Going To Be Friends” quietly into her little ear during Kangaroo Care, I’m making really special memories that I’ll cherish later.

Peanut at one month old…

Likes…

• Snuggling with Mommy during Kangaroo Care
• When Daddy holds her paci for her
• Listening to Mommy sing Jack Johnson, Janis Joplin, John Lennon and the Cornell Alma Mater
• Being cozy and warm in her swaddle
• Having food in her tummy
• When the nurses pick her up and sit her so she can see the world outside her isolette
• Having her hands free so she can touch her face
• Sucking her thumb (when she can find it)

Dislikes…

• Baths!
• Having her diaper changed
• Having her temperature taken
• Her bow hat (but she wears it anyway, because the grown-ups love it and we’re bigger)
• When her feeds stop (generally only if she’s sick… but it makes her mad, and I don’t blame her for a minute)
• The Canadian national anthem (she doesn’t mind the tune, since she will listen politely to Daddy sing as long as he changes the words, but she screams if we sing the actual lyrics… this is a problem, since she’s part Canadian)

Nicknames…

Obviously, we both call her “Peanut” – but Mommy and Daddy each have our own roster of nicknames for the kid, too.

Mommy: Angel Cake, Squishy Face, Beauty, Wiggles, Squirmy Worm

Daddy: Little E, Little Buddy, Princess, Squirmies, Honey Badger Kit

(And Daddy once tried out “Smemily” – it had been awhile since she had a bath – but Mommy froze him out and he won’t use that one again.)

It’s been quite a month.  There have been plenty of tears, but there’s been plenty of laughter too.  I can’t wait to see what the next month will bring – I hope it includes the magical Discharge Day!  But no matter what, I’m so grateful for every second that I’ve gotten to spend with this precious little girl this month… so in awe of the fact that hubby and I made someone this beautiful… so glad that I get the honor of being her mom.