BookCon’s Lily-White Lineup: Why We’re Still Talking About Diversity

 

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Participate in enough diversity training sessions, workshops, or talks – as most young professionals have at school and in our jobs – and you’ll hear your fair share of grumbling from Gen-X and Gen-Yers.  “Diversity training again?  Really?  It’s 2014.  Who still needs to be told this stuff?”

I’m a member of Gen-Y, and most of my friends are either Gen-X or Gen-Y.*  We grew up with the message that diversity is a good and important thing.  Our friends hail from all different races, religions, ethnic groups, backgrounds.  To the extent we think about our friends’ backgrounds (which, for most of us, isn’t much or often), we like the fact that our social groups are made up of so many different faces and backgrounds.  We value the different perspectives that come with the experience of belonging to all kinds of communities.  And sometimes, we can’t believe it still has to be spelled out, because… we know.  We know diversity is good.  We know it’s important.  We know it adds value.  Diversity is a value that’s ingrained in us, has been since childhood, and we simply can’t believe there are people out there who still don’t get it, and still need it explained to them.  Because, isn’t it obvious?

Apparently, it’s not.**  Every so often, an outrage happens that leaves people shaking their heads and saying, “I guess there are still people who need to be told this stuff.”  This week, that’s BookCon.  BookCon is the new name for the power readers’ day on the final day of Book Expo America, the premier book industry gathering of the year in the U.S.  Every year, industry insiders, reviewers, bloggers and readers gather at BEA for a weekend of bookish awesome.  There’s even an “Armchair BEA” for those who can’t make it in person.  It’s a big deal and I’ve always wanted to go, until this year.

Last week or so, BookCon rolled out its lists of panelists and readers scratched their heads at the lineup of one of the most important panels – a kidlit and YA celebrity panel – made up entirely of white males.  The conversation began in smoky confusion.  “Um, guys?  This is the lineup?  This is the final lineup?  Uhhhh, but… Where are the women?  Where are the people of color?”  BookCon’s reaction – an apology-that-wasn’t-really-an-apology from its organizer, ReedPop, followed by a head-scratching decision not to change anything because people were still buying tickets (but what about all those people demanding refunds, BookCon?) added fuel, and now it’s a raging fire.  Within the last few days, BookCon extended an invitation to a female author of color to join as a panelist.  (They had previously invited her to moderate, with a list of pre-approved questions.  When she asked if she could be on the panel, they declined.)  Many considered the invitation too little, too late and pointed out (correctly, I think) that it smacks of tokenism.  It also puts the newly invited author in an untenable position.  Does she want to accept the invitation and enjoy the publicity, but at the price of being the token female and the token person of color?  Or does she want to reject it and take a stand, but lose out on the publicity for her work?  It’s a no-win situation, and completely unfair to her.

I’m not going to say more about the controversy, because BookRiot has already said it all so well.  (Check out this post for just one example of thoughtful criticism of BookCon’s errors in judgment.)

What I want to say, as a reader, and as a person unconnected with the book industry (except to the extent I fund them with my frequent trips to the neighborhood bookstore), is this: of all industries out there, I’d have expected better from the book industry.  I’d have expected this industry to be the most open, the most diverse, the most willing to listen to criticism.  Isn’t that what books are all about – to open our perspectives, to allow us to see the world through different eyes, to let us live as others do for a little while?  Isn’t an all-male, lily-white lineup of celebrities completely missing the point?

Diversity is important.  And it’s not just racial diversity that we demand.  We want to hear voices of women, voices of those born and raised in other states and other countries, voices of those from different backgrounds, different religions, different ages, different fields of study and work, different points of view.  We want all perspectives, and from a major event like BookCon, we don’t just want this.  We expect it.  There is no experience, no work, no discussion, that is not enriched by the addition of new and different voices, with new and different things to add.  That is reality.  We sort of thought you would know that, BookCon, but evidently you don’t.  Evidently, there are still people who need to be told about diversity.

So, let’s talk.

Have you been following the BookCon controversy?  What do you think?

*Don’t get me wrong.  I think there are plenty of people from other generations who value diversity and don’t need to be told that it’s a positive and important thing.  I’ve worked with plenty of them.  But my personal experience is as a member of Generation Y, so that’s the perspective from which I write this. I do think that Gen-Y, and much of X, were the first generations to come to their diversity values organically, by growing up thinking, “Well, obviously.”  But please feel free to disagree with me – let’s just all be respectful.

**Since this is one of the more controversial posts I’ve done, it warrants saying (and this might be obvious, too): this post represents my personal opinions and is not written on behalf of my employer (an organization I do not identify here, in any event, because this is a personal blog).  And this should go without saying, but just in case: no part of this post is intended as legal advice.

32 Things: Update 2

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I just had my unbirthday, which means (1) I’m halfway to 33 – ugh, this year is going by way too fast; and (2) it’s time for another 32 things update.  I feel like I just did one, but anyway.  Here we go again.

1.  First, a BIG one: Visit my BFF in Germany next summer (and maybe tack a week in Austria on there too).  I know this will be a challenge to pull off with a toddler, but we really want to try.  Hubby, R and I are all super excited.  Sadly, this isn’t going to happen this year.  We tried.  We looked for a good flight and just couldn’t find anything that wouldn’t be insanely tough on Peanut.  It’s a shame, because it’s probably the only time we would have had the chance to visit R on one of her overseas adventures – it seems like this may be the last one.  But it isn’t something we can do at our current stage of life, which is a pity.

2.  Write my grandmother at least once a month (I don’t expect replies, just want her to receive letters from me).  I have not been good about this AT ALL.  But I did knit her a cozy shawl and mail it to her with a letter, so that’s something.  I need to get on top of this ASAP, though.

3.  Visit Frank Lloyd Wright’s Greycliff.

4.  Run the 2013 Buffalo-Niagara YMCA Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving Day.  Such a fun race with my sisters-in-law!  Read my recap here.

5.  Read and blog about 20 classic books for The Classics Club.  Blogs posted for Anne of Green Gables, Anne of Avonlea, Anne of the Island, Anne of Windy Poplars, Anne’s House of Dreams, Anne of Ingleside, Rainbow Valley, Rilla of Ingleside, Jane Eyre, Middlemarch and Excellent Women.  I’m currently working on balancing reading time with my new hectic schedule since going back to work, and have mainly been reading quick, cozy mysteries.  But I have some plans to knock off a few more classics soon..

6.  Make refrigerator jam.

7.  Re-read Laura Ingalls Wilder’s Little House series.  I can’t believe it took me so long to re-read this series, which I loved as a little girl.  My thoughts on experiencing the Little House books as an adult are right here.

8.  Join a group at church.

9.  Road-trip to Ithaca for a weekend.

10.  Knit a dress for Peanut.

11.  Learn to play three new piano pieces.

12.  Go to see Shakespeare performed in Delaware Park.

13.  Have a date night with hubby at Rue Franklin.

14.  Knit through 1/4 of my yarn stash.  Working on this!  I’ve made infinity scarves for myself and my mom, a scarf for my grandmother, two “practice” hats for myself, a slouchy beret for my sister-in-law, a neck warmer, and I’ve got another infinity scarf on the needles now.  I’ve done it all using stash yarn and I’m working on emptying one of my Rubbermaid tubs of yarn before we move next.

15.  Write a guest blog.  I have some kind offers (thanks, friends!) and some ideas.  Hoping to draft up posts and send them to my pals soon.

16.  Take Peanut for a bike ride in one of those hilarious trailers.  I’ve had my bike tuned up (had to – it’d sat for about two years, and I had to get it back in shape before I started training for the Five Boro Bike Tour) and I think I’ve picked out a bike trailer to buy for Peanut.  I’ve also scouted out a few fun-looking bike trails.  Can’t wait to get out for some family bike rides this spring and summer.

17.  Finish Level I of the Rosetta Stone French course.

18.  Spend a few days (a week if I can swing it) with my high school BFF and our kids.

19.  Knit a lace beret.  Done!  I knitted up a slouchy eyelet beret for my sister-in-law.  She loved it.

20.  Go to a Sabres game!  (Ideally, I’d also like them to win.  C’mon guys, for me?)

21.  Overcome my fear of baking bread – a holdover from last year.

22.  Get in the habit of better skin care – another holdover from last year.  Working on this, too.  I’ve gotten into a pretty good moisturizing routine.  Next I’d like to make time to exfoliate once or twice every week.

23.  Volunteer with Literacy New York – Buffalo-Niagara.  I worked with a student for several months before I had to back out – my work schedule was too hectic, and my student seemed to be in a place in life where her schedule didn’t support tutoring either.  But I loved getting to know her and helping her a little bit along in her journey.  I hope that when I have some more spare time, I can go back to this program.

24.  Knit a cozy shawl for my grandmama.  Done.  I actually sent the shawl to my other grandmother, who I thought would get more use out of it.  She loved it and that made me smile big.

25.  Go see a movie in the theater.

26.  Read South Riding, by Winifred Holtby.

27.  Buy a Sabres hockey jersey for Peanut.  (She already has a Cornell jersey.)

28.  Learn the Tunisian crochet stitch and make myself a scarf.

29.  Do some charity knitting.  I’m thinking hats for preemies?

30.  Read a book by Umberto Eco.

31.  Try out five new hikes in WNY.  We checked out Tifft Nature Preserve and had a wonderful, snowy walk.  (Look for spring, summer and fall posts to come).  And I’m planning plenty more hikes.  My inlaws love hiking, and so do our friends Zan and Paul, so I think we’ll have no shortage of friends for the trail.

32.  Another BIG one: buy a house.  This is FINALLY in progress!  Now that I have a job, we have a budget.  We just met with our realtor for the first time and are starting the process of seeing houses.  I can’t wait to be settled in our own space again.

Not bad.  I’m trying.  Lots of the smaller, less-commitment items – like reading books by Umberto Eco and Winifred Holtby, and knitting for Peanut, and the like, haven’t happened.  But it’s all about trying.  I’m trying hard to make this the best year I can.  That’s all I can do!

2014 Intention: Update 1

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As you may remember, instead of making resolutions or setting goals for 2014, I decided to set an intention (a la yoga class) and let that intention guide my decisions and actions this year.  My intention for 2014 is: A Better Life.  Basically, I want to take the already-pretty-great life I have going and make it even better.  Here’s how I’ve been working to create a better life for myself, hubby, and Peanut so far this year:

January

  • Started a new habit of drinking a glass of warm lemon water every morning.  This was an idea I saw in Giada’s Feel Good Food and I wanted to give it a try.  Lemon is great for the liver, and warm water is a little less shocking to the early-morning system than cold water is.  I’ve tried, in the past, to get into the habit of drinking a glass of water before I eat or drink anything else, and it’s finally stuck.  (The lemon flavor really helps – and that’s coming from someone who loves water and has no trouble getting 64 ounces every day.)  I keep lemon wedges in a Rubbermaid container in the fridge and every morning, the first thing I do when I get downstairs is pop one in a glass and fill it with some warm water.  It’s such a nice, gentle way to get going and I love that I get two cups’ worth of water in right away.
  • Experimented with a gluten-free lifestyle.  I sometimes feel a little silly trying out new eating philosophies – like, am I a sheep?  Am I succumbing to trends?  But I’ve been doing some reading about gluten sensitivities, and gluten was the only food that gave me trouble when I reintroduced it after my last Whole30, so I think it’s worthwhile exploring whether eating gluten-free might benefit me.  By asking these kinds of questions and looking for the answers, I am working on saying YES to myself and tuning out my worries about what others might think.  (Since going mostly gluten-free, I have fewer headaches and less digestive distress, and I’ve noticed other health improvements, so I think there might be something to it.  I also notice that I feel considerably worse when I am less disciplined about eating gluten-free.  I’m hoping to visit an allergist at some point and get some more concrete answers.)

February

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  • Ran my second half marathon!  Seriously, I’ll bet you’re all sick of hearing about it by this point, and I promise I’ll shut up eventually.  But this was a big thing for me this month.  I loved having the training time be something “just for me” and it meant a lot to me to know that I could chase after this big goal and achieve it.  Running definitely makes my life better in so many ways – it’s good for me, it’s something I can do for myself, and it lets me work to improve.  Now I’m looking to the next step, but more on that later.

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  • Started juicing.  I’ve been wanting a juicer for awhile, but neither the budget nor the kitchen cabinets have space for it at the moment.  So I decided to give juicing in my VitaMix another whirl.  I love the VitaMix for soups, smoothies and baby food, but the one and only time I’d tried to make juice it just didn’t turn out very well.  When I found out that our Stroller Strides instructor had been making fresh juices in a blender, though, I thought I’d better give it another whirl.  (<– See what I did there?)  I’ve come up with a formula for a fresh green juice that I really like, and I’ve been drinking a cup most mornings with my breakfast, and occasionally as an afternoon snack.  I love fresh juices, and I’m so glad I’ve found a way to make them inexpensively at home.  So far, I’m the only one who is really enjoying the homemade green juice.  Hubby says it “tastes better than it has any right to,” but he won’t drink a glass, and Peanut will occasionally take sips from me but she prefers to pirate my morning lemon water.  They’ll come around.

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  • Visited the Buffalo Botanical Gardens – twice!  Hubby planned a Valentine’s Day outing (actually, it was the Saturday after) to Night Lights at the Botanical Gardens – basically, a seasonal event in which the Gardens are kept open late and light shows play in each of the greenhouses.  We all loved the event, but Peanut particularly had a ball.  She discovered the koi pond and was completely entranced by the fish swimming around, and “Pond! Pond! Pond!” is pretty much all we’ve heard since.  So, since she loved it so much, we went back the very next weekend during the day.  Of course it was fun to see her big eyes take in the majesty that is the koi pond (LOLwut?), but I also found it to be a good winter survival tactic (a la my pal Katie).  Spending a couple of hours wandering around in the heated greenhouses, with the winter sun baking down through the glass ceilings, was absolute bliss.  It felt like summer for the afternoon.  You can read more about our Botanical Gardens adventures here, and I’m sure we’ll be going back many times – but especially in the winters.

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March

  • Started a new job!  Although it’s been tough to leave Peanut, she’s in good hands during the day and I know that me bringing in an income is a good thing for our family, and will definitely contribute to a better life for all of us (starting with enabling us to finally start looking for a permanent home, and it’ll feel great to be settled again).  It’s also good for me to get back out there in the legal community, and I’ve been lucky enough to find a position practicing my specialty with a well-regarded firm.  I couldn’t ask for a better situation and I think this is going to be a great thing for our family.
  • Taken several family walks, including one at Tifft Nature Preserve and one with Grandma and Grandpa at Chestnut Ridge (the same park we visited with Zan and Paul back in December).  Even though there was still snow on the ground for most of the month, we were so over the indoors.  It was good for all of us to get out and breathe some fresh air.

Have you set an intention for 2014?  How’s it going?

Living BOLD: March 2014… Or, I Did Something Crazy

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This month, I actually did something really bold on the very first day and then figured I could kind of coast the rest of the month.  In fairness, it was really, really bold.  Maybe too bold.  Certainly ambitious.  Certainly audacious.  Possibly nuts.  If we’re friends on Twitter or Instagram, this will come as old news to you, but my bold act for March was…

I registered for my first full marathon.

Gulp.  Yep.  I’ve decided that 2014 is the year I’ll finally tackle the big, bad 26.2.  But let me back up a bit and explain.

The idea of running a marathon is something that has been percolating for awhile, but the timing was never right.  I started running consistently in January of 2010 and, within about 18 months, had worked my way up to the half marathon distance.  I was really enjoying challenging myself with new distances and different races, but then I fell into a months-long funk (for multiple reasons, none of which I like to discuss) and ended up taking a substantial running hiatus.  Finally I worked through the mental stuff that was bogging me down, and started running again.  I ran a 5K turkey trot in November of 2011 and a 5K Valentine’s race in Feburary of 2012, and then ended up taking another running hiatus when I ended up with a high-risk pregnancy.  During these long breaks, the idea of running a marathon was pushed waaaaaaaay into the back of my mind.

I laced up the running shoes again last spring, when Emma and I ran the Healthy Strides Community 5K together.  Still, I wasn’t thinking about pushing it on distance; I was just glad to be out there again and feeling like myself for the first time in a long while.  But after that race, I kept going.  I ran casually through the summer – that was all I could manage while making peace with leaving DC and then getting settled up in Buffalo.  But I started to train more seriously once fall rolled in, because I’d committed to run the YMCA Turkey Trot with Emma and Grace, and I wanted to PR.  I did PR (although not by as big of a margin as I’d have liked, thanks to finish line snarls – grrrr) and I had so much fun training that I started to think about the next thing.  Slowly, very slowly, the long-shelved idea of running a marathon crept back into the front of my mind.

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But I knew I needed a confidence boost if I was going to take on this challenge.  Fortunately, I had one all lined up: back even before the Turkey Trot, I’d signed up for the Moms RUN This Town “Start Your Engines” winter virtual race, in the half marathon distance.  I trained hard and knocked out the 13.1 miles in early February, and I knew that if I could tackle 13.1 miles in frigid -5 degree weather, through blowing winds, and over a 95% packed snow surface, I could take on 26.2 miles on a (hopefully) lovely October day.  Because I’d narrowed my “big scary dream race” choices down to two, and they were both scheduled for October.

Picking a Race

Back in 2010, when I was running down the trails near my home in Arlington and dreaming of the big one, I figured that if I ever ran a marathon I’d run the Marine Corps.  It’s the big race in a city that attracts lots of big races.  I had many friends who had run MCM over the years and I dreamed of walking up to that start line too.  But when it came down to it, I ended up waffling between two different races.  The MCM is still a “bucket list race” for me, and I hope to run it one day.  But as things turn out, it wasn’t in play when I sat down to consider the question, “Okay, if I really do this, which race should it be?”

Another race I’d always had in the back of my head as a potential first marathon was the Mohawk Hudson River Marathon.  The MHRM has a lot going for it, from my perspective.  It takes place close to where I grew up and where my parents and many friends still live, so I’d have good spectator support on the course.  (I hope, anyway – I’m assuming availability and interest.)  There’s also the fact that the course is heavily downhill over the first 13.1 and pretty much flat for the second.  It’s one of the fastest marathon courses around and generates disproportionately high numbers of Boston qualified runners.  (Not that I’m going for a BQ – hah! – but if the course is really that fast, then I have a better shot of finishing with a not-embarrassing time.)  A bonus: the 2014 race happens to be scheduled for my birthday weekend, and I think running a marathon would be a really cool way to ring in 33.  The only negative (aside from having to travel across the state) is that the course closes after 5 1/2 hours, and I’m not completely confident I can get ‘er done in that time.  My current half marathon PR of 2:37:02 (in hillier, colder, worse conditions) puts me across the finish line before the cutoff, but I’m still nervous about the idea.

There was another possibility, though.  If I decided not to go for the MHRM, I could still run a marathon in October.  (Actually, there are a lot of marathons scheduled for October.)  The Niagara Falls International Marathon (known around the BUF as “the one where you run into Canada”) takes place at the end of October.  The start line is steps from my house.  (The finish line, of course, is in another country.)  I liked the idea of just being able to saunter down the block to the start – I actually ran through the crowd of runners waiting to start while out on a Turkey Trot training run last fall, and got to listen as they played the Canadian national anthem before the gun went off – and the idea of an international marathon was pretty appealing.  It also would give me about two more weeks in which to train and prepare.

In the end…

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I waffled for awhile, because both races sounded good, but in the end, I chose the Mohawk Hudson River Marathon.  Registration opened on March 1st and I signed up that morning – which was good, because it’s a very popular race.  (The half marathon option sold out within hours of the link going active.)  Naturally, I’ve been in a state verging on panic ever since.

Why Now?

Frankly, I don’t want to put it off anymore.  I’m tired of having dreams on hold.  I want to go live my life, and this is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time now.  I feel like the stars are lining up for me to go after some of my goals in 2014, and this is the best year for me to try.  I’m fully recovered from childbirth, I’ve got a handle on this parenting thing, and I’m at a point where I like having something “just for me” outside of my identity as a wife, mother, etc.  I have the capability and the time to train for a big event now, and who knows what 2015 will bring?  I don’t like to plan too far ahead these days – Peanut has taught me a thing or two about that.  So 2014 it is.

I’ll talk about training later this spring, and I’m thinking I’ll share snippets of what I’m doing to prepare for this insane task I’ve set myself.  In the meantime, just picture me hyperventilating as I sift through marathon training plans and try to set up a schedule that works with the other races I’m planning for the summer and fall.  Much more on the marathon to come, in good time.

If you chose a word for 2014, how did you live it this month?

In Which Sometimes I Care Too Much What Other Bookish Folk Think

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Here’s a story that I love to tell: when I was a senior in high school, I took an anthropology elective in which our class participated in the Asch Conformity Test.  For those not familiar with the experiment, it goes like this: twelve people sit in a row, and the test administrator tells the group that they are going to take an eye exam.  The administrator passes a sheet of paper down the row, with a line on it, and instructs the group to commit the length of the line to memory.  Once the paper has made its way to the end, a second paper follows with two (or three, but our class did two) lines printed on it, labeled “A” and “B.”  The administrator asks the first person in line to choose the line of the same length as the first line, and gives a secret, pre-arranged hint as to the correct answer.  (In our class, the teacher asked the first student in line for the answer, and the student knew that if the teacher used his first name, the answer was A, and if he used his surname, the answer was B.  It worked because this teacher always switched up how he addressed students, so it didn’t seem weird.)

The first ten people in the group of twelve are “in” on the experiment – they know what’s going on, and their job is to all say the same thing.  When the first person says “A,” everyone else in the “in” group says “A,” whether “A” is the correct answer or not.  The question is, what will the last two unsuspecting souls do?  Will they agree with a wrong answer, or will they buck the group and go with the answer they know is right, even if it means being the only person who disagrees?

As you can probably guess, I was one of the poor two kids who didn’t know what was going on.  The teacher admitted, later, that he had actually delayed introducing the experiment until a day I was absent from class for a violin lesson, because he really, really wanted to see what I’d do.  Here’s what I did: I measured the first line against my finger (hey, there was no rule against that) so that I was 100% confident, when the second sheet came down the row, that I’d have the right answer.  So when the entire group said “A” and I knew the right answer was “B,” I said… “B.”  After a few sheets had gone down the row, the teacher started to pressure me to agree with the group – asking me if I’d had my contact lens prescription tested recently, signaling the class (unbeknownst to me) to laugh at my different answers.

I never did agree with the group.  I stuck to my guns and gave the right answers, even when I was the only one.  After the test (and after I got a big round of applause) the teacher told the class I was the first student he’d ever had, in over twenty years of teaching, to completely refuse to agree with a wrong answer.  He also shared the story with that semester’s psychology elective, which my boyfriend was taking.  When the teacher mentioned he’d had a student never agree with a wrong answer, for the first time in his career, I’m told my boyfriend threw his hands in the air, pumped his fists and shouted, “That’s my girlfriend!”  (Stubborn, or steadfast?  You decide.)  The teacher asked me what went through my head when he was making fun of me and pressuring me to agree with a wrong answer.  I said, “I thought you were being an idiot.”  (Sorry, Mom, but it was true.  If it helps, Mr. E laughed, and he definitely appreciated my honesty.)  Then he asked me how I felt when the rest of the class laughed at me.  I shrugged and said “I really don’t care what they think.”  And I meant it.

(Hey, I was the girl who drew on my jeans and read Shakespeare under the stairs at lunch.  I had built up a pretty good record of not caring what high school kids thought about me.)

If I didn’t care what my peers thought about me in high school, I care even less as an adult.  Obviously, I want to be respected in the community, and I want to be perceived as a valuable employee at work.  But (within normal social bounds, and with due concern for the needs of my family) I wear what I like, go where I please, and read what I want, and I really couldn’t care less who has a problem with any of those things.  With one exception.

When I read a book, and I love it, and one of my blogging friends picks up the book at a later time (whether on my recommendation or not), I desperately want them to love the book too.  I’m not entirely sure why this is so important to me.  It’s not like these are books I’ve written.  It’s not like I know the author personally.  It’s not like I actually have any skin in this game at all.  But it’s how I feel.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot in recent weeks.  First, my friend Katie read A Long, Long Time Ago and Essentially True, which I read about a year ago and really enjoyed (although I liked the historical plot much better than the present-day plot).  Then, my pal Eagle-Eyed Editor tweeted about reading Rainbow Rowell’s Attachments, which I loved and which I recommended here.  Both times, I was filled with anxiety.  What if my friends didn’t like these books?  (Both times, they did.  Sigh of relief over here!)

This is just silly.  If my friends don’t like a book I like, it’s not the end of the world.  It’s not the end of the friendship.  (It might even be the start of a friendship: my blog pal Amal found me while searching for reviews of The Tower, the Zoo and the Tortoise, which I loved and she definitely didn’t.)  Really, if my blog friends and I disagree on a book, everyone is going to be okay.

I think what it boils down to is this: I like and respect these people, and I like and respect my readers (and if you’re reading this, that means you!), and I want to be a trusted source of book recommendations for people I like and respect.  If I like a book and you don’t, or vice versa, that doesn’t mean one of us is wrong – art wouldn’t be art if it wasn’t open to varying interpretations; it’d be science.  But I can’t stop hoping that we can love the same books.  And I’m always going to be giddy when someone tells me they love a book that I loved and recommended – whether that’s my blog friends, my mom, mother-in-law, BFF or close family friend, all of whom have read and loved books on my recommendation.  That just fills me with pride, and gives me so much joy – to know that I read and loved a book, and I told you about it, and you read and loved it too, and now we share this.

Should I try to care less whether my friends love the books I love?  I don’t know.  Part of me thinks I should.  After all, in the end, they’re just books and it’s okay – normal! – to disagree about books sometimes.  But I don’t think I’ll ever get there.  I think I’m always going to care.  I’m always going to be excited to pass out book recommendations to my family and friends, I’m always going to be a little nervous when they crack the spines, and I’m always going to be wildly happy if they love the book too and a bit bummed if they don’t.  Not because I’ll suddenly question my own opinion of the book.  (I have a pretty high opinion of my own opinion, if you couldn’t tell.)  But because I’ll feel badly that they wasted their time on a book they didn’t love, because of something I said.

So if I give you a book recommendation, know that my heart is behind it, and know that I care deeply about what you think.  I may pride myself on marching to the beat of my own drummer, but it turns out I really do care… because I care about you.

Why I Love Winter

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The other day, I was scrolling through Twitter and saw a tweet from the Another Mother Runner ladies to the effect of, “Yes, we’re all sick of winter, but let’s try to think positive for a minute.”  (I’m paraphrasing, but that was the gist.)  And the tweet caught me off guard and pulled me up a bit, because I’ve definitely been guilty of whining and moaning and complaining about winter this year.  (I know it’s not just Buffalo, and that most of the country is getting pounded, so I can commiserate with everyone else who is sick of it… but, at the same time, when there are more people who are sick of it, there’s more complaining on the internet.  To which I have added more than my fair share.)  So I decided to take a leaf out of Sarah and Dimity’s book and look on the bright side.  It should be easy for me, because I grew up loving the cold season.  I love to ski, snowboard, ice skate, cross-country ski, hike on snowy trails, and I used to enjoy every blessed moment of the chilly times.  I’ve missed out on a lot of the good stuff winter has to offer this year because we have the wee one.  Next year, I think, she’ll be up for more fun times in the snow and I can’t wait for that.  But in the meantime, let’s look on the bright side.  Here’s what I love about winter:

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  • When Peanut makes that ^ face.  I’ll gladly drag her around on that sled as long as she wants, if she keeps those smiles and giggles coming.
  • The feeling of snowflakes getting caught in my eyelashes while I’m out on a run.

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  • Feathery etching on the windows in the morning.
  • Mountain sports!  Skiing and snowboarding and feeling the wind in my hhhhhh-arms (name that TV show… I know Katie will get it).
  • The Olympics, of course!  Only every four years, but Olympic winters are extra-magical.

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  • The solemn peace of a forest under cover of a fresh snowfall.
  • Hand-knit scarves and tams and wraps and anything else, because they bring the cozy like nothing you can buy.

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  • Watching big flakes float down, while wrapped in a cozy blanket, knowing you have nowhere to be and nothing to do but curl up with a book and/or cuddle with your sweetie and sip tea or cocoa.
  • Citrus fruits!  I can’t get enough; they’re a winter staple.

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  • The sound of snow crunching under my feet as I walk or run on a wooded trail… or a city street.  Both have their own magic in the winter.
  • The particular blue of a winter sky.

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  • Baby hats.  Especially ones that look like kitties.  (Please ignore my disheveled appearance and focus on the baby, mmmmm-kay?)

The days are getting longer, and daylight savings is here, and soon it’ll be spring, and this winter – dreadful as it’s been at times – will be a memory.  And I do hope next year isn’t quite as vicious.  But I’m going to make an effort, for as long as this winter lasts, to look on the bright side, complain less, and remember that even though it tries my patience from time to time, I’m a northern girl and I do love winter.

Why do you love winter?  C’mon, you can think of something.

Living BOLD: Feburary 2014

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Living bold in February was all about one event: the Moms RUN This Town virtual winter half marathon.  Part of the reason I chose this word (or, really, this word chose me) was that I wanted to have the confidence to chase audacious goals again.  Sure, there are plenty of people who are all “Half marathon?  I eat half marathons for breakfast!” and to you I say, rock ‘n roll.  For me, though, a half marathon is a pretty big achievement and one that I don’t always believe is within my reach.  Well, this month I proved that it is within my reach.  I proved that I’m capable of running 13.1 miles in the ice and snow, and in temperatures dipping down to -5 degrees Fahrenheit.  (Yep, that actually was the RealFeel on the day I ran my half.)

Sometimes I don’t like to talk about running because I feel like I’m too slow to be a “real” runner (and what is that about?  If you run, you’re a runner.  Period.) and in the past, I haven’t always gotten votes of confidence when I share running goals with everyone in my life.  But you know what?  I don’t actually need votes of confidence.  If I learned anything from the winter virtual race, I learned that I do have the ability to put in the work and reach my goals, and that the only person I need to approve of my efforts is ME.  I think that’s pretty darn bold.  And along those lines, I went out on a limb and shared some of my other running goals for the year.  (I do have goals that I like to keep to myself, and obviously I’m not ready to chat about my hopes to run a “big scary dream race” just yet, but I’ll get there sometime soon.  One thing at a time.)

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If you chose a word for 2014, how have you been living it this month?

My Evolving Race Calendar: Choosing Events for 2014

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(That’s me after the Freezer 5K on December 15, 2013, which I inexplicably thought was a good idea.  At least I’m smiling!)

In 2011, I was really into running.  I couldn’t even name all of the races I did that year without forgetting at least one or two, but I do remember the two biggies: the Cherry Blossom 10 Mile Run, and the Virginia Wine Country Half Marathon.  In 2012, I only ran one race: the Run Your Heart Out 5K on Valentine’s Day weekend.  I was queasy and dizzy all throughout the race (which was run on snow-packed trails) and nearly collapsed at the finish line (I had to sit down with my head between my knees for a good 10 minutes before I could walk straight).  Six days later, I found out there was a good reason for my weird symptoms (other than just being out of shape): I was pregnant!  I didn’t race again for the rest of the year, but in 2013 I ran three races: the Healthy Strides Community 5K in Burke, VA, and the Buffalo-Niagara YMCA Turkey Trot and Freezer 5K in Buffalo, NY.  And in 2014, so far, I’ve run one: the Moms RUN This Town “Start Your Engines” virtual half marathon.

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This year, in honor of my word of the year (bold), I have some audacious running goals.  I’ve been having so much fun training for and running in races over the past couple of months (even though I’m suuuuuuuper slow and will never win – I’m totally cool with that because for me, it’s about fun and fitness, and I’m only competing against myself), but I want to seriously up the ante in 2014.  With the “Start Your Engines” virtual half marathon behind me, I’m starting to piece together a race calendar for 2014, and it’s looking pretty ambitious.  I’m currently registered for one more half marathon and a bike event, but I’m eyeing several more races… and then there’s that big, scary race I mentioned (which I won’t reveal until I successfully register).  Here’s what I’m thinking when it comes to races for the remainder of this year.

May

  • Five Boro Bike Tour – This is a 40-mile bike ride (it’s not a race) that touches each of the five boroughs of New York City.  The ride starts in lower Manhattan, heads uptown, swings into the Bronx briefly before heading back downtown through Manhattan, into Queens for a loop, then into Brooklyn and across the Verrazano Narrows Bridge to finish in Staten Island.  My dad and brother did the ride last year and I was so jealous.  This year I’m riding with them, along with my brother’s girlfriend.  I’m crazy excited, but a little nervous at the same time – 40 miles is a long ride, and there are quite a few bridge climbs.  I’ll be spending most of April on the bike, training for this undertaking.  I’m currently registered for this event.
  • Run with the Rapids 5K – I was sort of waffling on doing this race, but I think I am going to sign up.  I had originally planned to run the Shamrock 8K back in March but decided (for a number of reasons) to opt out, which frees up some of my race registration budget.  This race goes right by Niagara Falls, and I think that sounds pretty cool.  I have a big May ahead, but I think I can squeeze in a 5K on top of my other two events.
  • Buffalo Marathon Relay – I wasn’t planning to run the last weekend in May – I was actually thinking of volunteering at the marathon.  But when my Stroller Strides group announced that it would be fielding a team to run the Buffalo Marathon Relay, I decided to be bold and immediately told the organizer to count me in.  There are four legs – three 10K and one 12K – and I’m committed to running one of the 10K legs.  We have three out of our four team members so far, so here’s hoping we can rope in a fourth mama and make this happen.  The stroller mamas did the relay last year and apparently everyone had a blast.  I’m committed to this event, but I’m not the one in charge of registering the team – yay!

June

  • 50 Yard Finish Half Marathon – I am really excited about this race!  This half marathon is run through Orchard Park and the finish line is located at the 50-yard line of Ralph Wilson Stadium (where the Buffalo Bills play).  I’m not even a football fan and I think that’s pretty neat.  Hubby is especially excited to go out on the field to cheer me across the finish line.  And several of my Stroller Strides friends are running this one, too!  It’ll be cool to see some familiar faces at the start line.  I’m currently registered for this race.

August

  • The Color Run – Who wouldn’t want to run a 5K while people throw colored corn starch at you?  I’ve never done a novelty 5K before, so I’m excited about this.  (Plus, it’s called “The Happiest 5K on the Planet” – now, doesn’t that sound like a can’t-miss event?)  Color Me Rad is also coming, so I might swap them out, but I’m pretty sure I want to do the Color Run, because you get a “COLOR RUNNER” sweatband, which is ’80s fabulous.
  • Tops Run for Roswell 10K – This one is for a great cause (the Roswell Park Cancer Institute) and I didn’t have a standalone 10K on my calendar (just the Buffalo Marathon Relay, in which I’m running one of the 10K legs).  Sold.
  • The Biggest Loser Run/Walk Half Marathon – Maybe.  I’m sort of torn about this one.  I had been really wanting to run a Biggest Loser race – I’d planned to do the DC 10K but got caught up in moving logistics and was thrilled to learn that the BL half marathon was coming to Buffalo.  But the recent controversy about the season 15 finale has me a little unnerved.  (I’m not going to get into a whole discussion about that – this is neither the time nor the place.)  It appears the producers are considering changes to the format to prevent future contestants from taking things too far (which the winner has admitted she did do) so I’m still leaning toward running the race (and continuing to watch the show, which has changed many lives for the better).  I do want to run the BL half, because I know that there are a lot of people who worked hard to bring this race to Buffalo and any national race series coming here is a big deal.  Plus it benefits a great local charity.  But I’m just not sure I’m comfortable at this point.  Fortunately, I have awhile to make up my mind, because the registration price isn’t scheduled to increase for a few months.

September

  • Finn McCool 4 Mile Odyssey – Another race I’ve never done before – this is a mud run!  The pictures look super fun, and the obstacles seem to be challenging but not too intimidating, so I’m keen to try it.  (Where I draw the line: electricity.  My father-in-law asked if I’d ever do a Tough Mudder, and my immediate answer was “HECK no, I don’t fancy being shocked in the face.”)  Finn McCool seems to have just the right combination of challenges and hijinks, so I’m psyched.  Plus, the finisher’s medal doubles as a bottle opener, and hubby said he needs a new bottle opener.
  • Mighty Niagara Half MarathonMaybe.  I was sort of feeling like I had enough half marathons on the docket this year, but my high school BFF expressed some interest in running this one together.  So I’m putting it on the list, but currently waffling.  If I decide not to run the Biggest Loser half, I’m pretty set on signing up for this one as a replacement.

October

  • BIG SCARY DREAM RACE – This is the month I’m targeting for my “scary race.”  There are two that I have in mind, and while I’m pretty sure which one I want to do, I haven’t quite made up my mind.  (The race that I think is my top choice is almost all either flat or downhill – yay! – but would require me to travel and has a cut-off time for finishers that I’m not totally confident I can achieve.)  If it doesn’t work out, there’s another race, the same distance, in Buffalo later in the month and I’ll probably try for that one.  I hope.  I sure will feel bold if I pull either one off.  I’ll tell you guys all about it once I (1) successfully register, and (2) get over the shock of successfully registering.

November

  • Buffalo-Niagara YMCA Turkey Trot – This is getting to be a bit of a family tradition!  I definitely won’t care if I PR this one, though.  It’ll just be a fun race to run with my sisters-in-law.

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December

  • Freezer 5K or Holly Jolly 5K – Honestly, I don’t know if I’ll be up for a race in December, considering the big year of running I have planned, not to mention the fact that I’m still thawing out from the 2013 Freezer 5K.  (“Freezer” was an appropriate name for that race.)  But who knows?  I might decide that I still have energy to burn and that running a holiday race would be fun.  If I do, I plan to run in costume, because why sign up for one of these if you’re not going to get a bit silly?

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I probably won’t end up doing all of these races.  I don’t know if this calendar is doable or not, but I’ll revise it as I see fit to avoid injury and put myself in the best position to achieve my main goals.  I’d also love to try a trail race sometime this year, but haven’t figured out which.  (There was one I was planning to run, but it’s the weekend I’ll be in NYC for the Five Boro Bike Tour, so that’s out.  There are a few others that look interesting, but I need to cross-check my race calendar and make sure they don’t conflict with anything I’m more anxious to do – or with the vacation we’re trying to plan.)  And I might find myself tossing in a spur-of-the-moment 5K here or there.  But I’m looking forward to a great year of trying new things and running bold in 2014!

Are you a runner?  Do you daydream about your race calendar?

Winter Workout Routine, or How I Trained for the Virtual Half

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With the Moms RUN This Town virtual half marathon behind me, I thought it might be worthwhile to say a few words about how I trained for the event, because my training was – by necessity – a little different this time around than it has been in the past.  Usually, when I am training for a race (and I mean really training, not just running for giggles, which is something I only do with 5Ks) I like to run three to four days per week, rest one day, and mix in cross-training and yoga to fill out the rest of the week.  That’s a formula that has worked for me in the past and has led to me successfully completing a ten mile race and a half marathon, as well as a number of shorter distance races (5Ks, 8Ks and 10Ks).

Although there was no set start and finish line, I wanted to treat the MRTT virtual half like a real race, and train for it.  As I mentioned in the recap, there was no requirement that runners complete their chosen distance in one go – you had all month to get the distance done, and all the group asked was that you complete it in a way that challenged you.  But I really wanted to bang out the entire 13.1 in one shot, so I knew I needed to train.  I had a couple of issues, though, that meant I couldn’t train the way I had in the past:

  • I am restricted in the times I can run outside.  I am only able to get outside for a run if hubby is home to watch Peanut, or if the weather is nice enough for me to take her with me in the stroller.  That means that, once in a blue moon, Peanut and I are able to get out for a jog together, but usually, I’m only able to run on the weekends.  (I go during Peanut’s naptime so that I don’t miss any awake time.)  It’s dark in the mornings before hubby leaves for work and in the evenings when he gets home and I don’t know the safe streets here well enough, yet, to feel confident running alone in the dark, so I don’t go.
  • I am restricted in the places I can run outside.  There is a big park not too far away with a well-maintained ring road that is generally clear and dry (or at least, reliably plowed to a packed snow surface), and is the best place to run at the moment.  Running in the neighborhoods is possible, although not pleasant, because not everyone is diligent about shoveling their sidewalks.  (You can only pretend to be running on the beach for so long before you have to get real with yourself.)  If I’m on my own, I can power through, but the same areas are impassible with the stroller.  So if I want to get a run in with Peanut, we have to drive to the park or another well-maintained trail to get it done.
  • I have no access to my treadmill.  I never thought I’d see the day when I’d be longingly caressing my treadmill, but it’s here.  I bought it back in 2011 when I was training for the Cherry Blossom 10 Mile Run, so that I could use it early in the mornings as an alternative to running in my neighborhood (where sidewalks were sporadic and street lights almost nonexistent).  It was a great tool and a big part of my success in completing that race.  (I didn’t use it as much for half marathon training, because I was training in the late spring and it was light enough to run outdoors at 5:30 a.m.)  I could really use my treadmill right about now, but it’s in storage in my garage (which is detached from the house and has no power source).  The movers were unable to get it into the house (just one of the many areas where they were kind of bumbling and useless, but that’s another story), hubby and I can’t shift it ourselves, and hiring fitness equipment specialists to bring it inside is not in the budget.  So I am currently sans treadmill, shooting pathetic looks at the empty floor space in the sunroom, where I’d planned to put the treadmill… and resigning myself to the fact that as long as I live in this house, I’m running outdoors or not at all.  (I suppose if I get really desperate, I could get a gym membership… but that’s not really in the budget either.)

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These factors combined mean that I can’t count on more than two running days (Saturday and Sunday) per week.  I might get in one or two weekday runs if I’m lucky and the weather cooperates, but there’s no guarantee of that.  Two days of running is not really enough to train for a race – especially not a long one like a half marathon – but it’s what I had to work with and I had to figure something out.  I approached my training plan with a couple of principles in mind:

  • Long runs are the most important workout of the week.  If there’s one thing that all the experts tell you, it’s that when you’re training for a long-distance race, you MUST NOT BAIL on the long runs.  If you get only one thing done in a week, make it your long run.  You can jettison speedwork and hill training and easy miles if you must, but you MUST do the long run.  So I knew that if I was doing two runs per week, one of those two runs had to be a long run.
  • Anytime I could squeeze in an additional run, I should.  If the weather is nice enough for me to take Peanut out, I will absolutely ditch my other workout plans and take advantage of the opportunity to run.  Any additional running I can do will benefit me.  (Obviously, there comes a point when you’re running too much.  No one should run seven days a week.  But there was no way I was getting to that point given my current constraints.  In my case, this “rule” meant that I might get a couple of three- or four-run-weeks in over the course of training, which is still not that much if you’re preparing for a race.  As it happened, that only occurred once toward the beginning of my half marathon training, and then the Polar Vortex swept in and put an end to mom-and-baby running for the rest of the training cycle.)
  • Anything I can do to improve my strength and endurance will help me run better.  I find myself stuck indoors a lot these days.  But that’s no excuse to be lazy!  If I can’t go out and run, I can still do things to grow stronger and more fit, and those workouts count on race day, too.  They might not be “as good” as running (remember, I’m talking about race preparation here – I don’t think other types of exercise are inferior to running, but when you’re training for a race, you’ve got to run!), but they’re better than nothing.  So I dipped into my stash of Jillian Michaels DVDs, or did calisthenics and strength training workouts while watching TV, or used my set of CRUNCH cardio dance DVDs (hilariously, since I have all the grace of a drunken hedgehog) – anything to get my heart rate up and build endurance.

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With those principles in mind, I experimented and tinkered until I came up with a workout routine that fit my needs and enabled me to have the endurance I needed to run 13.1 miles two Saturdays ago:

  • Sunday: long run.  (I started at 5 miles and worked my way up, increasing distance by a mile every week or two, until my last
    “pre-race” long run of 10 miles.  I had actually planned to do an 11 mile run too, but I was getting burnt out on winter training – running the same loop around the park five times in a row gets old after a few weeks – and Hal Higdon says that if you can run 10 miles, you can run 13.1.  I trust Hal.)
  • Monday: yoga for runners.  There’s a free 20-minute class on YogaDownload.com, and I found it was a great way to stretch out my sore muscles the day after a long run.
  • Tuesday: strength and conditioning / circuit training.  Sometimes this meant doing a Jillian DVD (like “Extreme Shed ‘n Shred”) or one of her free workouts on the Lionsgate BeFit YouTube channel (best discovery ever!); other times it meant just doing any strength exercise that came into my head for a set period of time.
  • Wednesday: cardio – usually kick-boxing, but sometimes circuit training, dance or calisthenics, whatever I feel like doing.  (Usually what I feel like doing is kick-boxing.  I really like kick-boxing.)  If I can fold some strength training into the workout, so much the better.
  • Thursday: REST.
  • Friday: circuit training, either on my own or attending a Stroller Strides class.
  • Saturday: run.  I never have a set run planned for Saturday.  Sometimes I feel like doing speedwork (although I need dry pavement for that).  Other times I want to just get in some easy miles (to keep things fun).  I go with the flow and do whatever the heck I want to do, as long as I’m running.

As I said above, this was a fluid “training plan” – rest days could get shuffled around, and other workouts could get dropped if a running opportunity presented itself.  I also might switch my long run from Sunday to Saturday if the weather forecast looked better on Saturday – that’s what happened on half marathon day, as a matter of fact.  (Running three miles in the rain or snow is doable.  Running eight is… also doable, but five miles less pleasant.)

(Please note: I am definitely NOT an expert!  This is just a routine I came up with that met my own needs, based on my own personal goals and constraints.  I also know that it’s far from an ideal training plan for an event like a half marathon, which is a long distance and a big deal.  I’m sharing my training because I don’t talk much about it on this blog, and I don’t want to give the impression that I approach any races without preparing for them first, as best I can.  Do what feels right for YOU, not for me or anyone else.  And it probably goes without saying, but check with your doctor before you start any kind of workout routine.  Especially if you’re pregnant or have a medical condition.  Safety first!)

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So… did it work?  Well… I’d have to say that it did!  On the day I chose to do the virtual race, I was able to step out of my door feeling prepared and knowing that I did everything I could to make this run a good one.  I had plenty of long runs under my belt, I had experience running on the snowy surface around the park, and I’d stuck to my workout routine fairly consistently.  I didn’t have a time goal going into the run; although I was hoping to beat my PR (personal record) from my last half marathon, I knew I was running under sub-optimal conditions (-5 degrees, and 95% of the run on frozen surfaces with no Yak Trax on my shoes – they don’t make them small enough to fit me – is far from ideal).  But midway through the run, when it seemed to be going fairly well, I thought to myself, “I think I can do this in under 2:40!”  And… I did.  My final time (2:37:02) gives me a lot of pride, a good number to beat next time, and a shot of confidence that I can shave even more time off the next half marathon.

Speaking of which…  Now that I’m no longer sore, I’m thinking about what’s next.  I’m the type of person who likes to have a goal to work for, and I have a few fun events coming up.  At the moment I’m participating in my Stroller Strides’ group’s “Mom Olympics” and thinking about picking up some spinning classes at a studio a few blocks from my house.  (Living in the city again does have some advantages!)  And next week I’ll have a post about the races and events I’m targeting for the rest of 2014.  I’m excited!

I Don’t Want My Daughter to be a Heartbreaker

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It’s Valentine’s Day time again, and hearts are everywhere – whole hearts, which is just what hearts should be.

When Peanut was born I got lots of comments – and still do to this day – about what a cutie she is.  (And she is.  I know, I’m her mom, so I’m biased, but… it’s true.  Kid is adorable.)  And every so often, I’d get a comment along the lines of “The boys are going to be falling at her feet!” or “She’s going to be a heartbreaker!”  To which I respond: gosh, I hope not.

When my daughter grows up, I don’t want her to be a heartbreaker.  I’d much rather she be a compassionate person who shows respect and kindness to everyone she meets, and leaves their hearts perfectly intact.  Even leaves them a little bit fuller than she found them.

I want my daughter to be a good friend.

I want my daughter to know that a beautiful spirit is more important than a beautiful face.

I want my daughter to see the best in everyone she meets.

I want my daughter to value her intelligence, and…

I want my daughter to value others’ intelligence, too.

I want my daughter to give compliments freely and to mean them.

I want my daughter to proud of her friends for their achievements.

I want my daughter to treat her peers – boys and girls – with respect.

I want my daughter to behave with compassion if she’s ever the object of an unrequited crush.

I want my daughter to know that she’s loved and she deserves to be loved, even when she has an unrequited crush of her own (as we all do at some point).

I want my daughter to respect others’ beliefs, even when she disagrees with them.

I want my daughter to see beyond looks and value people for who they are.

I hope my daughter goes through life without breaking a single heart.  I know that’s a tough thing to do, especially when you’re young and thoughtless.  I plan to do my best to teach her that it’s a far, far better thing to leave a legacy of friendship and kindness than a string of fractured hearts.

Happy Valentine’s Day.  May your hearts be full of love today (and every day).