Yesterday was the beginning of Advent, which is one of my favorite times of the year.  I’ve loved the season leading up to Christmas for as long as I can remember.  I love the joyful anticipation of it, the fun of opening little Advent calendar doors every day, and the folding in of Christmas traditions especially as the holiday grows closer.  Yet as an adult, and especially since becoming a mom, I also find that Advent can be a stressful time, packed with pressure and obligations.  There’s the crush of work as I wind down the year in the office… the rush of taking Christmas photos of Peanut, ordering cards and addressing piles of envelopes, all while crossing my fingers tightly that they’ll arrive at their destinations before Christmas (last year, they didn’t)… the bah-humbug feeling of just wanting to put my feet up when instead I have to get dressed up and make merry at someone’s holiday party…

Still, last-minute to-dos notwithstanding, I love Advent.  I’m sometimes frazzled when I’m in the thick of it, but on the other side, it’s the twinkly lights, the Christmas books with Peanut in my lap, the fun afternoons baking cookies with friends (and getting covered in flour), the joy of choosing the perfect gift for a loved one, that stick with me.  It’s those things that have me looking forward to Advent all year long.

We have a few Advent practices in our family.  While I wish we had it together enough to light an Advent wreath or make our own homemade Advent calendar… well, maybe in a future year.  (Not next year, with a three-year-old and a baby, but someday.)  But we always do a few things together to commemorate the season.

• Although we don’t make our own Advent calendar (or wrap up books and movies, as much as I’m in awe of the moms who do that) we do open a calendar.  Nana and Grandad send one to Peanut each year, continuing a tradition in which my Nana used to send an Advent calendar to our family when I was growing up.  And this year we’ll be opening a second Advent calendar – a Star Wars Lego Advent calendar I bought for hubby as one of his birthday gifts.  Behind each door is a Lego figurine from the Star Wars universe… including Darth Vader dressed as Santa Claus.  Obviously that had to happen.
• We read a chapter in Jostein Gaarder’s The Christmas Mystery each day.  It’s an Advent-calendar-inside-a-book; each chapter takes place as a young boy opens another door in a magical Advent calendar and comes closer to solving the mystery of a young girl’s disappearance from his hometown fifty years before.  I think Peanut will love hearing us read  a chapter each night, this year.
• We listen to Handel’ Messiah, in person if we can – before children, we used to see Messiah performed every Christmas season at the Kennedy Center – but at least on CD.  (And we argue over Josh Groban’s Noel.  I’m firmly pro-Josh and will put his Christmas CD on whenever I can, but hubby has some kind of Grinchy dislike for him.)

This year, I want to add on another practice: I want to be still every day.  Even if it’s only for five minutes.  Life is hectic, never more so than now.  With a rambunctious (but adorable!) toddler to chase and a baby on the way, a busy time at work, a house that still needs considerable organizing and unpacking, and holiday preparations, I rarely take the time to just sit and be still.  Even if I’m sitting, I’m doing something.  I’m knitting Peanut’s Weasley sweater, peeling apples for homemade applesauce, working my way through a stack of magazines, or hastily reading a library book before the return deadline.  But as much as I thrive on the activity, and as much as I love the hustle of the holiday season (most of the time) I also need to take a step back and appreciate the life I’m living right now, and the deeper meaning behind all of the rushing around that I’m doing.

So that’s my mission this Advent: to slow down, take a breath, and enjoy the waiting.  For five minutes every day.  To be by myself, with myself, and just breathe in the season.

I’m not good at accepting help.  I’m even worse at asking for it.  I love to be the one who gives – I’ll happily spend hours in my kitchen making meals for friends with new babies, or working gift-wrapping stations for charity, or packing up food bank donations.  But I’m terrible at picking up the phone and admitting that I need something.

We spent last week huddled in our house watching as Mother Nature pelted us with snow.  The region was hit by a massive lake effect snowstorm, which would have been legendary even had the snow bands moved over the region and dumped a few feet on everyone, like they usually do.  This storm, though, was unusual.  Instead of blowing through, a narrow band settled on the towns just south of Buffalo – where we live.  So while friends in the city and in the north suburbs saw a few inches, a foot at most, we found ourselves buried under six feet.  We couldn’t open our doors, let alone go anywhere.  Hubby and I spent the week trading off who got to work on the computer and who was on Peanut duty, and aside from being a bit stir-crazy and a little stressed about not being able to get as much work done as usual, we had fun.  We played with Peanut, watched Tinker Bell over and over, read stories and cooked time-consuming meals.  We had power, heat, and plenty of food – we were lucky.

As the storm started to wind down, hubby and I began trading bets on when our snow service would come by to plow us out.  We had enlisted a service because our driveway is just too long for hubby to snowblow himself – let alone shovel.  We weren’t expecting to be plowed out until the end of the week – our town was under a driving ban and anyway, this was a historic storm.  But we thought our service would come by on Friday.

Friday came and went with no plow.  Hubby asked me for my prediction on when the snow service would come.  I said, “11:00 a.m. on Saturday.”  He said, “I’ll be really depressed if it takes that long.”

11:00 a.m. on Saturday came and went with no plow.  And then I started to get worried.  We had planned to roll out of bed and go straight to the grocery store on Sunday.  We still had plenty of food (although not as much as we had at the beginning of the week), and I hadn’t even broken into my emergency stash of freezer meals I’d been compiling for use after Nugget’s arrival.  But our supply of whole milk was starting to dwindle.  We could make it through Sunday if absolutely necessary, but no longer.  For adults, milk isn’t essential – you can always turn on the tap and drink a glass of water.  But for a toddler?  Milk is a necessity.  By Saturday evening, when our snow service was still nowhere to be seen and the owner of the company wasn’t answering his phone (and voicemail was full) I was starting to worry in earnest.

Then hubby suggested that I email a coworker who lives a few doors down from us to find out if her family had been plowed out yet, and if so, what service they used.  We’d already exchanged “checking on you – call if you need anything” emails earlier in the week, so I dashed off a quick email explaining that our service hadn’t come, that we were needing to get to the market, and would she mind sharing the name of her plow guy?  Then I sat down to feed Peanut dinner and forgot about the email.  As I was feeding Peanut, hubby looked out the window and said, “I think the plow guys are here.  The biggest snowblower I’ve ever seen is in our driveway.”  Sigh of relief.

After dinner, I had two missed calls and a voicemail from my coworker.  I listened to her message; she sounded as worried as I was about our milk stash.  She explained that her husband has a tractor with a snowplow, so they don’t use a service, and she was sorry but she couldn’t be very helpful with referrals – but she’d be happy to send him over to plow us out if I wanted her to.  And she asked me to call her back.  I called and thanked her for her concern, and told her not to worry – it looked like our plow guys had just started.

“No,” she said.  “That’s my husband.  He said, ‘They have a kid, they need to get milk!’  He didn’t want to wait.”

I picked my jaw up off the floor, stammered thanks repeatedly, and tried not to burst into hormonal-pregnant-lady-with-cabin-fever tears until I got off the phone.  My coworker told me not to mention it, they were happy they could help, and anytime we needed to be plowed out to just call.  Then we hung up and I cried for real… and started brainstorming baked goods to make for their family the next day.  Apple bread, definitely.  Lemon yogurt cake?  Nutella swirl pound cake?  And cookies?

I don’t like asking for help.  My standard line throughout this storm has been, “Awwww, thanks, we’re stuck but we’re fine!  We have heat and plenty of food!”  I wouldn’t have emailed my coworker/neighbor had I thought she’d send her husband to clear my driveway immediately – I expected that the plow service would come by the next day, at the latest, and figured I could pick up milk on the way home from work on Monday if necessary; I was just hitting her up for a referral, like I do with babysitters, in the hopes that she might have someone to suggest for the next storm.  But you know what?  They were happy they could help us out.  They don’t know us well at all, but they were worried about Peanut.  So they cancelled their evening plans and cleared our driveway instead, and left me feeling overwhelmed with gratitude.

I may not be good at asking for help, but I’m trying to be good at accepting it when it comes, and accepting the fact that I sometimes need it – and maybe I’ll get the chance to give back to them at some point.  Or maybe not – maybe it’ll just be enough to be grateful for good neighbors, and to say sincerely, “Thanks.”

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays.  I love the food, of course, but I also look forward all year to the Macy’s Day Parade (I used to go in person every year as a kid!) and running in my local Turkey Trot.  But I also love the fact that it’s an entire day dedicated to reflecting on and enjoying the good things in life – the company of family and friends, a good dinner, and a warm home.  I love taking a step back and counting all of my blessings.

That said, some years it’s easy and fun to count my blessings on Thanksgiving.  Other years, it’s a bit more of a challenge.  In the more trying times, whether you’re concealing an ache in your heart or you’ve complained to the world, Thanksgiving can feel like a pressure cooker.  (Please pardon the bad cooking joke.)  It’s hard enough to get through the day-to-day grind when you’re not feeling yourself – but to add merry-making into the equation, sometimes, is just too much.

I had a miserable 2011 Thanksgiving – as much as I tried to focus on the positives, all I could think about was the one thing I didn’t have: a baby.  In 2012, I had my baby, and she was enough.  Just getting her home from the hospital was a major blessing, and the fact that we got to celebrate Thanksgiving with her at home felt miraculous.  In 2013, I was just in a good place.  Hubby was happy in his job, I was enjoying being a stay-at-home mom, and our little family unit was ticking along happily.

2014 is a bit of a mixed bag.  On the one hand, we have so many blessings to appreciate this year.  A new house to love and make our own.  Solid jobs in which we both get to do what we enjoy, with colleagues we like and respect.  A sweet, cuddly, affectionate, curious and hilarious toddler to love wildly every day.  And a new little presence in our lives, growing bigger and stronger each day until he makes his appearance in March (but no sooner, Nugget!).

But at the same time, I’d be a delusional Pollyanna if I said that everything was great.  To be honest, we’ve felt for the past year as if we’re barely keeping our heads above water.  There was the insanely stressful housing hunt, complicated by the fact that our landlord refused to allow us to continue in our lease month-to-month after the expiration of a year in our rental.  Had we wanted to renew the lease for another year, they’d have been thrilled – we were great tenants who took good care of the place and always paid our rent on time.  But they simply wouldn’t hear of a month-to-month arrangement, which left us with a hard deadline to get out of the rental, and there were some tense weeks in which we honestly thought we would have nowhere to live.  As it was, we moved out of our rental the day before the lease expired.  And shortly after that, everything broke – both cars, numerous appliances, Peanut’s finger…  We’re just now digging out of that hole, and no sooner did we start getting the things fixed than we were hit with a situation that has upset us both, me to the point of crying in my car about it.  (Pregnancy hormones are probably factoring into that, too.)  I’m not going to get into the details – suffice it to say, it’s been a rough fall.  And then, because broken appliances, sick friends and personal drama isn’t quite enough, we got six feet of snow dumped on us courtesy of Winter Storm Knife.  (Dumbest name for a storm ever, by the way.)

All this is to say, it’s been a rough fall.  We could all use a break from the stress and frustration.  And it’s looking to be one of those Thanksgivings where, despite all the great things we have in our lives, we’re going to struggle to smile.  But Thanksgiving doesn’t always have to be easy, does it?  Some years, you have to force yourself to stop wallowing and celebrate.  This might be one of those years, but we’re going to try – for Peanut’s sake, if not for our own.  I’m not sure how I’ll feel tomorrow – maybe I’ll wake up with a big smile on my face and ready to party.  Stranger things have happened.  But even if I don’t, I’m going to have fun running the Turkey Trot, and I’m going to remind myself that I’m grateful I can be out there running at almost 24 weeks pregnant.  Then when I get home, I’m going to watch the Macy’s Day Parade with Peanut and point out my favorite floats and balloons to her.  We’re going to make turkeys from tracings of our hands, and a gratitude tree, and we’re going to sing songs and read books and eat a delicious meal and probably watch Tinker Bell on Netflix again and enjoy each other’s company.  And it will all be okay.

I don’t know if 2014 is going to be one of those banner holiday years.  But I’m going to try to make it special for Peanut and hubby, and maybe by extension, for me.  And I hope that at the end of the day tomorrow, I’ll be full of turkey and potatoes and my favorite apple-cranberry pie, and of happiness and gratitude for my blessings, of which there are so many.

Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends!  I hope you all have a wonderful day tomorrow.

Well, then.  Hello.  Thanks for waiting patiently for the last two weeks, and thanks for coming back.  What happened was, hubby was called out of town to tend to a sick friend for a little over a week, and he took the laptop with him so that he could work remotely during the days.  Since our desktop has recently been trying to contact Russia (bad desktop!) it’s been benched… which left me with no computer at home, and no way to blog unless I blogged from my iPhone, which is just a horrible, frustrating endeavor.  I had meant to write some posts ahead and bank them for the computer-free week (something I try to do anyway) but with a business trip for me and all the preparations for hubby’s departure, time got away from me and it didn’t happen, and what should have been business as usual turned into two weeks of near radio silence.  Sorry about that, and sorry that I couldn’t tell you more about what was going on – but I’m sure you understand.  For one thing, detailed information about our friend’s illness is not mine to share, and for another, I wasn’t about to announce to the entire internet that I was alone in the house with a small child for an extended period of time.  Anyway, our friend is on the mend, hubby is home, and I have my computer back, so posting and comment responses can now resume.

Although I haven’t been blogging, I’ve been busy-busy-busy.  I’ve got a lot to share in the upcoming weeks and I can’t wait to tell you all about it.  Here’s a quick update in list form:

1) Baby is growing bigger by the day, and he’s having a lot of fun playing around and kicking all over the place.  I also think he’s trying to introduce himself to me.  Hubby and I have a very short list of names that we can agree on, and I’ve had two dreams in a row about the baby with one name in particular – which happens to be the top contender anyway.  It seems to me that he’s putting in his vote, and the name feels more and more right by the day.  It wasn’t my top choice – hubby hates the name I really wanted for some reason – but it’s a name I love and I think the little guy is telling me that’s his name.  We’ll see, but I have a good feeling.

2) Other than dreaming up names, we’ve done next to nothing to get ready for the new arrival.  At 22 weeks pregnant, that’s not a huge issue, but given how early Peanut was born, I do want to get started.  The nursery-to-be is a complete train wreck, so cleaning it out and ordering some furniture is tops on the agenda for the next few weeks.

3) Now that I have my computer back, I finally have access to the knitting pattern I’d downloaded and saved for Peanut’s Weasley Christmas sweater, so at long last I’ve gotten started.  I’m using a snuggly, soft grey baby alpaca yarn I bought years ago at the Maryland Sheep & Wool Festival and I think it’s going to be a super cute sweater, if I can finish it in time for Christmas.  Last year I went down to the wire, and that was when I was a stay-at-home mom with a baby napping twice per day.  We’ll see how I do with this sweater, given that I’m back in the office and spending my spare time chasing an energetic toddler.  But I’m committed to making Peanut a handmade gift every year and I’m not about to miss the boat this Christmas.

4) Also on the knitting front, I have an idea for a baby blanket for Nugget.  I’m thinking diagonal blue and grey stripes in a thick, soft yarn.  Just have to find something thick enough that fits my specifications.  There is a super-soft bamboo yarn that Michael’s used to stock, so I may see if they still have it, and in the right colors.  But Peanut’s sweater takes priority.

5) My parents visited for a few days during hubby’s absence – both because they were planning to come for a visit anyway and so that I wouldn’t have to be on my own for such a huge stretch of time; I could have done it, plenty of moms do, but it was nice that I didn’t have to.  While they were here they made it their mission to get as much done around the house as possible.  My mom was an unpacking, organizing and cleaning machine, and my dad spent most of the weekend hauling boxes to the basement, hanging pictures and hooks around the house, and – the best! – installing a new guest bathroom toilet!  Considering a plumber tried to sucker us out of $700 for a toilet and installation, $150 for the toilet, and free labor a la Dad, went down very easy indeed.  I can’t even tell you how grateful I was to have my parents in town and for everything they did last weekend.  The house actually has gone from a sea of boxes that were stressing me out beyond belief, to a tidy and welcoming space.  We still have a lot to do, but at least I’m not overwhelmed and paralyzed anymore.

6) Oh, yeah, this: it’s snowed here twice already.  I consider this a personal affront by the weather gods.

Coming up this week: my October reading list, finally, on Wednesday, and a better-late-than-never Halloween recap on Friday.  And over the next few weeks I’ll have lots of fun stuff, including a few posts about running while pregnant, recaps of my fall travels to Maine and New York City, an update on my fall list, Thanksgiving festivities, and plenty of bookish goodness as always.  Thanks for staying tuned.

Sigh.  Where were we?  As you all know, it’s been a little nuts around here recently, what with things breaking left and right.  So while I haven’t been focused on posting this past week – sorry about that – I’ve just been chipping away at the list of things that need fixing and, little by little, we’re digging our way out of this hole we’re in right now.

I picked up a new car on Tuesday.  It’s the first car I’ve ever bought that was “for me” – we bought hubby a new car two years ago, and I’ve been driving his old one ever since.  It was fun shopping for cars that I would like, and I’m really excited about what I got.  It’s a fun car to drive, it’s cute, and best of all, I’m not worried about breaking down every time I turn the key in the ignition.  Just having the peace of mind that Peanut is snoozing in a brand new backseat with no known problems is amazing.

Peanut got her splint off and has had two follow-up visits to the orthopedics clinic (where we’re routinely made to wait an hour or more past our appointment time, but whatever, I’m not annoyed).  She’s healing well and isn’t letting her injury slow her down at all.  I do hope that she’s acquired a healthy respect for large, heavy doors, but I expect she probably hasn’t.

We also made a trip to Lowe’s to start addressing some of the bigger house issues.  Got some information about the appliances we’re considering (we’re planning to order online but it was good to talk to one of the employees about installation) and set the wheels in motion for a new guest room toilet and a garbage disposal for the kitchen.  (The garbage disposal wasn’t on the “broken” list because it’s nonexistent, not broken.  We’ve lived without one since we left Virginia and are both SO DONE with a disposal-free kitchen.  Getting one installed was high on the house priority list and it doesn’t even seem to be terribly expensive.  Words cannot express how much I am looking forward to no more cleaning the food trap, no more hubby running out for Drano at 9:00 p.m., no more smelly sink…)  Next weekend we have more Lowe’s errands to run – namely, we need to replace the hideous and dangerous 1980s mirrored closet doors – but the good news is, part of me really likes going to Lowe’s.  I feel like when I go to Lowe’s, stuff gets done.  And the way things are going lately, anything that gets done is a big win.

(Peanut has her work clothes on and is ready to tackle some home improvement projects.)

What are you fixing lately?

Hi, guys.  Sorry for the missed post on Friday and the late post today.  (Maybe you didn’t notice, in which case, sorry for pointing it out.)

I recently wailed over the phone to my mom, “Everything in my life is brooooooooo-ken!” and I wasn’t even being particularly dramatic.  Seriously, “broken” has been the theme of the past month and we hit rock bottom (as far as I know, and at least I hope that was rock bottom) last Thursday.  In a nutshell, here’s what has broken in my life within the past month or so:

• The furnace – yowsa, that was an expensive fix.
• The dishwasher.  Well, strictly speaking it works, but it’s “temperamental.”  It has to be cajoled into cleaning and even then it doesn’t do a spectacularly good job, which is not what you want with a little one in the house.  Update: the dishwasher took offense at being called out on my blog and died for real two days ago! 
• The hose connecting the washing machine to the wall in the laundry room, which we managed to have fixed before it became a very soggy problem.  The washing machine is still emitting a high-pitched whining noise which terrifies me to my very core but doesn’t seem to bother hubby (so I hope he’s right that it’s n.b.d.).
• The guest room toilet, which fortunately we rarely used anyway.  The plumber wanted to charge us $700 to replace it – $400 for a new toilet and $300 for the installation – and I balked.  The Lowe’s list is growing, growing.
• The top half of my double oven.  Fortunately the bottom half and the cooktop still work, so we’re able to get dinner on the table, but the oven is from 1988 and needed replaced anyway.  I was hoping it would hang on another year, but no such luck.  It’s a good thing I like shopping for kitchen appliances.
• Hubby’s car.  The AC died and the engine started overheating two days before we were planning to drive to Maine for my brother’s wedding.  And it was like pulling teeth to get the dealership to fix it in time for our big road trip.  They did, but only after we called the sales associate who had recently taken us for a test drive of a new car for me.
• Those decorative panels on windows (what are they called?) – about 75% of mine fell off, at least partly assisted by hubby and Peanut.  I was very sad about this, so hubby walked around and fixed them, at least temporarily.  The windows are keeping me up at night though, because I hate them and I not-so-secretly want to rearrange them to give the house more curb appeal.  Is that even something that can be done?  I’m determined to find out.
• My work phone, THREE TIMES.  Currently anyone who tries to call me at work gets a “this number cannot be completed as dialed” message, which does not instill much confidence in, well, anyone.
• Peanut’s finger, which was shut in a door at school – ouch, poor kid.  She also got a bad cut and needed stitches.  We spent most of Thursday afternoon in the emergency room and have been in and out of the hospital for follow-up appointments ever since.  It’s healing well, fortunately, and we’re optimistic that the nail (which she lost) will grow back, even if it looks gnarly for awhile, but there’s no sadder sight than your two-year-old with a gigantic splint.  And then…
• My car, which broke down on the side of the road AS I WAS DRIVING PEANUT HOME FROM THE EMERGENCY ROOM.  That was when I really started to wonder if this whole month has been some kind of cosmic joke.  Because… really?  I mean, really?  It was actually terrifying.  I lost all ability to steer or brake and the car was completely out of control.  In my first stroke of luck in weeks, I was able to coast to a stop in a large painted shoulder area that by some miracle happened to be right in front of me, because there was no way I was getting there on my own.  And then my phone died as I tried to call AAA.  Ha, ha, HA.  (I needed a new car anyway – I was driving a fourteen-year-old Nissan Maxima, which belonged to hubby back in 2001 when we first started dating.  But the scary breakdown incident was just the push I needed to go buy a new car.  I’m picking up my new wheels – my first car “of my very own” EVER – tomorrow, and I seriously can’t wait to get behind the wheel.)

On top of all that, the following things are almost broken:

• The fridge.  Do you want to know what is the absolute last thing you want to hear when your appliances, both cars, your furnace, your plumbing, and your baby are all broken?  It’s your husband saying “Does the fridge seem like it’s a little warm?”  (The fridge is also from 1988, but it’s chugging along.  Please hang on until next year, dear ugly old fridge, before you give up the ghost.)
• My spirit.  For obvious reasons.

Anyway, all this is (1) an attempt at explaining why posting has been a little bit sporadic these past few days, and (2) a shameless bid for sympathy.  I promise I have some fun content coming up, including a couple of posts recapping our weekend in Maine, and an exciting announcement.  But right now I’m just in hang-on-tight-and-hope-nothing-else-breaks mode.

I’ve been missing D.C. and northern Virginia since the moment we left.  I haven’t wanted to talk about it much since, obviously, we had valid reasons for choosing to move and it just didn’t seem like it would help anything to make a big deal out of being homesick when we were trying to get adjusted to life in a new place.  But with the recent stress of looking for permanent housing in Buffalo (and finding nothing – we’ve made four offers and all four have been rejected, one under truly frustrating circumstances) I’ve been feeling especially homesick for NoVA.  And I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about all of the things I miss about that place, where I chose to live for ten years and which will always be in my heart.

• Lunchtime wanderings through Capital Hill and on the National Mall (back in the day when I worked at the Department of Labor) and around Dupont Circle (more recently), with the accompanying awestruck feelings of, “I can’t believe I live here!”
• The Mount Vernon Trail, my favorite place in the world to run, bike, or just take a family stroll.
• Roosevelt Island and Rock Creek Park, two oases of calm in the middle of the city.

• Great Falls National Park, my favorite place in the entire world to hike.  I never made it to the Maryland side and will always regret that – although the Virginia side is heart-stoppingly beautiful.
• Teaism!  My favorite place to get lunch.  I frequented the Penn Quarter location when I worked at DOL, and the Dupont Circle location when I joined my firm.  The tuna bento box was my go-to lunch in Penn Quarter, and the seitan stir-fry in Dupont.  And always, always, I got a drink – tea when it was cold out (lavender lemon mint or World Peace or jasmine) and mango lassi when it was hot.  Oh, and the ginger scones were to die for – they made the best “afternoon tea” snack at my desk on a Friday when I really needed a treat.
• Saxby’s Coffee, speaking of cafes.  I went in there a few mornings every week and they started making my drink as soon as they saw me come through the door.  I always got a “London Fog” – vanilla steamer with Earl Grey tea.  I never knew anyone else to order it, so as far as I know they kept it on the specials menu just for me.

• Sherwood Hall Regional Library – my home branch in Fairfax County.  (The Arlington library was great too, but Sherwood stole my heart with its lovely light-filled stacks and complete collection of Fairacre novels.  The Buffalo library doesn’t keep the Fairacre books readily accessible – they’re in the closed stacks – so I’ve been gradually buying them.)
• Visiting my favorite exhibits in my favorite museums – the First Ladies in the American History museum, and Ginevra de Benci and the Monet collection in the National Gallery of Art.
• The fact that every Wednesday during the summer months, at approximately 4:00 p.m., an email would circulate around the female attorneys at my firm, with just one word in the subject line and nothing in the body: “Yogurt?”  And the fact that approximately three minutes later, we’d all be in the lobby and on our way to Pinkberry.
• Shopping at Lou Lou, which was just a store full of silly scarves and inexpensive jewelry, but I loved poking in there at lunchtime.  I have a fairly extensive collection of scarves and wraps from Lou Lou and I pull them out anytime I need a little Connecticut Avenue in my life.
• Speaking of Connecticut Avenue, I’ll never get used to just running out at lunchtime to browse a few minutes at Kramerbooks (and sometimes take a slice of Afterwords pie back to the office with me).  And there’s my other favorite D.C. bookstore – Politics & Prose, where I spent some happy hours on weekends, since it wasn’t walkable from work.
• In fact, I just really miss how many places were walkable from work.  Or easily reachable on the Metro.

• Mount Vernon!  One of our favorite places to wander.  I have a weirdly good memory for trivia and I pretty much memorized the docents’ speeches.  I still have way too many facts about “the General” bumping around in my brain, if you want to know some of them.  (My favorite: there’s a reason why the Washingtons’ private bedroom was much more understated than the rest of the house – Martha decorated it.  George was the one with the frilly taste.)
• Old Town Alexandria – I miss that place every single day.  I miss King Street, with its parade of shops and restaurants… Mischa’s Coffee, where I’d grab a cup of herbal tea after yoga class… Christ Church on North Washington Street, with sunlight streaming through the windows and old-fashioned box pews… the waterfront and the Torpedo Factory… the Spice and Tea Exchange (I need to make an online order soon; I’m almost out of Earl Grey Crème and Coconut Oolong, not to mention my favorite Southwest Seasoning spice blend).

Of course, I also miss all of our wonderful friends and co-workers and neighbors, and our beautiful house.  Part of me will always miss D.C. and Virginia, where I really did feel at home.  We’ve moved on, but the region will always be in my heart.

Lately I’ve been spending a lot of thought on the balancing act of parenting while still trying to maintain some pre-baby interests.  It’s been on my mind for a few reasons: for one, I have several friends who are pregnant, or hoping to be soon, and for another, I’ve been contending with a much tighter schedule since going back to work and simply don’t have the luxury of hours of weekday naptime to get my chores done and pursue my own interests.

When you get pregnant, or even before, you almost certainly hear variations on the same theme from friends who are a little further down the baby path.  “Your life will never be the same again.”  “Kiss your free time goodbye.”  “Don’t expect to get much reading done with a baby!”  “You’re crazy if you think you can train for a marathon / read 100 books annually / keep up your knitting pace / play in your tennis league / whatever once you have a kid.”  I always resisted that mentality; just because I’m a mom doesn’t mean I have to lose everything that makes me me.  Then there’s the opposite end of the spectrum: those people who insist that baby will just fit into their lives without changing anything.  Which I think is equally unrealistic.

For me, the truth about parenting and hobbies falls somewhere in the middle.  I’m no veteran by any stretch of the imagination, but I can’t life my life without having my own interests.  In 21 months as a mom, here are my truths about parenting and hobbies:

You can’t do it all.  If you’re anything like me, your schedule has always been full.  Before Peanut’s arrival, I filled my non-work hours with a variety of interests: running, reading, yoga, knitting, baking, and more.  But it’s a fact that kids do take up a certain chunk of time.  Some of your hobbies are going to be back-burnered for a little while, and that’s okay.  My Rosetta Stone French CDs and my cello have been gathering dust since Peanut’s arrival, and I’m fine with that.  I know that they’ll be there waiting for me when I’m ready to pick them up again.  My knitting pace has also slowed down, and that’s okay too – I still pick up my needles when I’m watching TV and I don’t worry about my rate of scarf production at all.

You can do some, but you have to choose.  Even if I don’t have time for all of my previous interests – between family time, work, house hunting, and other obligations I’m certainly busy – I have time for some of them.  I’m still reading at almost the same pace as I did pre-Peanut, and I’ve found a way to keep training for and running in races.  Those are my top priority hobbies, so those are the hobbies I’ve found a way to fit into my schedule.  That’s come at the expense of some others (see French and cello) but it’s what works for me right now and it’s just fine – I’m still getting the “Me Time” I need.

A good support system makes everything easier.  I’m lucky to have the husband I have.  He’s been a trooper about carting Peanut around in the Deuter while I ride my bike through every borough of New York City or run a 10K with my team of supermoms.  If I didn’t have his support, there’s no way I could pursue those activities.  And I try to make it a two-way street, entertaining Peanut solo on weekend afternoons while he unwinds by meeting his friends in a virtual world and shooting some zombies (or whatever they’re doing lately).  We’re both conscious of the fact that the other gets limited free time, and we both try to facilitate – within reason – the other’s methods of relaxing.

It’s good for the kid.  I have never wanted to be one of those moms with no identity outside “wife” and “mother” and “employee,” and I think it’s better for Peanut that I’m not.  She’s going to grow up seeing me setting goals and working to achieve them, with a book in my hand and running shoes on my feet.  And I hope what she takes away from my example is the lesson that everyone deserves to live a healthy, happy life.  When she watches me run in a race, or when she sees me read, I am very conscious of the messages I’m sending her: that you should make time for the things that bring you bliss, that reading and living a healthy lifestyle can be fun.

You’ll get a lot more reading done with an infant than you think you will… but toddlers are a whole new world.  I don’t think I’ve ever read quite so much as I did when I was on maternity leave.  Peanut spent most of her time napping the day away in my arms, while I lost myself in Fairacre.  When she got older I took time off from work and my book totals stayed high.  It’s only now that I’m back at work, balancing a full-time job with an active toddler, that it’s starting to drop off a little.  And once again, I’m fine with that.  The books aren’t going away anytime soon… but it is a fallacy that newborns leave you with no time to read.  In fact, you’ve got all the time in the world, if you’re awake.

You may have to get creative with the schedule for awhile.  Hubby and I don’t like to just sit around the house, but having a kid means a certain amount of downtime during naps.  We use that time to pursue our quiet indoor interests (reading for me, video games for him) and when Peanut is awake, we’re out and about.  This has gotten a lot easier now that she’s down to just one nap a day – we’ve found time for family outings in the morning, and neighborhood walks, trips to the playground, or dinners out in the early evenings.  We’ve had to find a way to work around the rigid nap schedule, but once we figured it out, fitting in fun became much easier.

Solo or couples’ hobbies will turn into family hobbies and you’ll love it.  Hubby and I have always been avid hikers.  One of our first dates was a hike, and we haven’t looked back.  Pre-Peanut, we could pound out miles upon miles on the trails, and we spent many a weekend day doing just that – chatting about our weeks, planning our next vacation, or just enjoying each other’s presence and absorbing the quiet of the woods.  With a tiny baby, we didn’t get out as much and I missed it tremendously – but now that Peanut’s ready, we’ve been hitting the trails again, this time with her in tow.  The hikes aren’t quite as long, but we’re out there and that’s good enough for me.  Good gear helps – Peanut loves to sit in her Deuter KidComfort III backpack, and I don’t know that we’d be able to stay on the trails as long as we have if she wasn’t as happy up there.  I love that we’re now out hiking as a family, introducing her to one of our favorite ways to spend time with each other, and I love that she’ll grow up on the trails, hand in hand with us.

How do you balance your responsibilities (parenting, work, whatever they are) with your interests?

I see “What I Love” or “Favorites” or “What I’m Into” posts all over the blogosphere and I’ve always thought I should get in on the action.  It seems like such a great way to share what I’m excited about all in one place.  I’m not linking up with anyone, but just thought I’d give monthly “What I Love” posts a whirl for awhile.  So here’s what I love in May, 2014.

This video is hilarious.  I can’t stop watching it and, on top of the fact that the parents are pretty good, I laugh my head off at the kid in the backseat who is just! so! excited! that his mom and dad are singing “Love is an Open Door.”  This one is for all the parents out there, who have heard the “Frozen” soundtrack eighty-four dozen times, can’t get it out of their head, and still kinda sorta like the songs.

These ladies!  So proud of my team for our strong showing in the Buffalo Marathon Relay!

Running in general – I’m really feeling good about my runs lately.  Which is good, because marathon training starts in early June.  It’s so true that the only way to make running easier is to run.

Brighter lipsticks for summer!  I tend to play lipstick really safe.  It’s one of my favorite beauty products and I own quite a few tubes of lipstick, but they’re all in the same shade of dusty rose.  It’s a good color on me and I feel pretty when I wear it, but I wanted to try something new.  I went shopping with my mom last weekend and picked up two new lipsticks in brighter raspberry shades: Tarte Amazonian Butter lipstick in “Tulip” (described on Sephora.com as a “mauve rose” but a little brighter than what I usually choose), and NARS lipstick in “Niagara” (which I totally bought for the name, but which also happens to be a gorgeous coral-tinged pink).  I also convinced my mom to buy a tube of NARS lipstick in “Dolce Vita,” which is my go-to shade for job interviews, presentations, and pretty much anything important in my professional life.  (Image sourced from Google.)

The new Lululemon store that just opened in the Walden Galleria!  I might have bought two pairs of shorts the first weekend.  (Image sourced from Google.)

Spring!  It’s finally here!  So happy to see leaves on the trees and flowers everywhere.  It’s been a long road to get here, and it feels so good now that we’re into the warmer season again.  (Cold rainy days last week notwithstanding.)

What’s making your month this May?

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way,
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then?  I cannot say.

From The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, by J.R.R. Tolkien

I’ve been living in a state of uncertainty for so long that I’ve gotten rather used to it.  Not knowing what happens next has been the only constant for a long time.  It started with college applications.  Where would I do my undergraduate degree?  Would I get into a good law school?  Where?  What would I do that first summer?  (It took me until April to find out).  What about the second summer?  (Until May.)  What about after law school?  (Until the November after I graduated.)  And that was a clerkship – what would happen after that?  Would I find a good job?  I did, doing just what I wanted.  But even then, the uncertainty continued.

Hubby had been looking for his permanent place ever since he moved to D.C. and still hadn’t found anything that excited him.  He had a job but it was nothing more than a paycheck and he was starting to dread going to work.  We both knew that his situation wasn’t sustainable.  It ultimately motivated us to pull up stakes and move to Buffalo, where he had an opportunity to do what he loves again.  But that meant me leaving my comfortable, familiar job, which I still enjoyed, and embracing uncertainty in my own career again.

I did that, as you know if you’ve been reading this blog for awhile, and it meant seven months at home while I searched for just the right opportunity.  That seven months was one of the best gifts I’ve ever gotten.  I didn’t worry about what was around the next bend in the road – I just enjoyed every moment I had as a stay-at-home-mom.  I didn’t stress about tomorrow, I just lived today.  And it was magnificent.

Of course, the right opportunity did come along, and I was ready for it when it came, and now I’m back to practicing law.  I was lucky to find a place in a top firm, and to get to practice exactly the type of law I most enjoy.  I was rested and ready to get started again, and it’s been great.  But there are still questions – new questions, which arose when I started working again and have become urgent.  There’s the question of where Peanut will be when she starts preschool in August; we’re touring places and have it narrowed down to two choices, but I just want to get this item crossed off my list already – I’m tired of worrying that by the time we make a decision and register, she’ll have lost her spot.

And then there’s a bigger question: where will we live in September?  Our lease is expiring.  If I was still looking for work, we’d just have renewed for another year.  But since I’m working and we’re in the position to buy a home, we want to do that.  We really didn’t want to live in our rental for another year, for many reasons I won’t go into here.  And we just miss being homeowners, having our own little space.  We’ve engaged a realtor and have been seeing houses.

The problem is that inventory in Buffalo is extremely tight at the moment.  There are very few houses in our price point that also fit our size requirements.  And it’s a seller’s market, so even if we did find “the” house, we’d almost certainly be competing against other offers.  We’ve been getting progressively more stressed out, because we can’t seem to find something that feels like home, and our lease is ticking away.  Our landlord refused (unreasonably and obnoxiously) to allow us to adopt a month-to-month arrangement that would give us the opportunity to continue seeing houses over the summer.  (It’s a good thing that hubby has been dealing with the landlord, because I used some very unladylike language when we got that news.)  That means that we’ve got to be under contract within a matter of weeks, to give us enough time to close and move out before our lease expires.  And we can’t even find something we like, let alone enough to make an offer.

We’re both verging on panic at this point.  Fortunately, our realtor has the patience of a saint and hasn’t made a single comment about being peppered with emails every time our landlord upsets us.  We’re seeing three more houses today and I sincerely hope one of them is “it.”  Not only can we not afford to be cantankerous and picky anymore (okay, that’s mostly me) but I’m just tired of the hunt.  I want to be settled for awhile.

I want to have all these big items checked off of my list, for the first time ever.  Job for hubby?  Check.  Job for me?  Check.  Preschool for Peanut?  Almost check.  House?  C’mon.  I want to look ahead at a road that is stretching straight for miles.  I’m tired of seeing a bend and not knowing what’s around it.  I don’t necessarily need this situation to be “forever.”  I can embrace the idea of a bend in the road somewhere in the future.  But I need a break from the uncertainty, at least for awhile.

Wish us luck today…