Letting My Nerd Flag Fly Three Ways: Austen In August 2015

One of Jane Austen's several residences in Bath.

One of Jane Austen’s several residences in Bath.

Dear Aunt Jane!  How I love the witty social commentary and subtle jokes hidden in those perfectly crafted comedies of manners.  I am often asked what my favorite book and/or author is, and I always give the same answer – although Jane Eyre is my favorite book, Jane Austen is my favorite author.  (Because while Miss Eyre gets top billing on my bookshelves, Miss Austen overall has more novels that I consistently love.  Does that make sense?)  So, given the depths of my Jane Austen fangirling, it’s kind of surprising that I’ve never participated in Austen in August, an annual reading event hosted by Adam of Roof Beam Reader.  Some of my favorite bloggers, and best blog friends, do this event year after year, and I’ve always wanted to, but something always prevents me – a teetering library stack, travel plans, work nuttiness – you name it.  My excuses are many and varied.  This year, however, I was bound and determined to participate, even with a tiny baby at home and a big pile checked out from the library.

The basic idea behind Austen in August is this: spend a month focusing on “all things Jane Austen, including her primary texts, any re-imaginings of her works, biographies, critical texts, etc.”  (That’s a direct quote from Adam.)  So, basically, anything goes.  If it’s Austen-related, it’s fair game.

Bath's Royal Crescent - fashionable Georgian condos.

Bath’s Royal Crescent – fashionable Georgian condos.

Going into this year’s event, I had three hopes.  (Not goals, I didn’t call them goals, because I really was trying to be more low-key about the whole thing.)  First, I really wanted to tackle Love and Freindship, Austen’s juvenilia.  Penguin Clothbound Classics recently published a gorgeous edition, which I have (after some delivery drama in which FedEx deposited the package containing the book inside my garbage can – yes, you read that right).  Anyway, that was my top priority.  Second, I wanted to read a nonfiction history focusing on Jane Austen and/or her environment; I was targeting either Jane Austen’s England or Jane Austen: A Life in Small Things, both of which I own.  Third, and least pressing, I thought I may make the time to revisit one of the six novels in the main Austen canon – probably Pride and Prejudice, my favorite – and review it for The Classics Club.  But I did have a number of other reading commitments this month, and it was my last full month of maternity leave, so if I didn’t get to P&P I wasn’t going to beat myself up.

Anyway – even being sleep-deprived and buried under library books, I did actually manage to put in a decent showing for Austen in August!  And it occurred to me, as I was looking back over my Austen activity for the month, that each of my reading endeavors was super-geeky in its own way.  So, apparently, “nerding out on Austen” was the theme of Austen in August, at least for me, this year.  Behold:

Nerd Flag #1: The Hardcore Austen Scholar

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It takes a particular brand of commitment to an author in order to commit to reading her juvenilia.  I mean, it’s usually pretty bad.  Sometimes unreadable.  (If I’m ever a famous author – which at this rate, I won’t be, since no one seems interested in legal briefs – I hope to God that no one reads anything I wrote before the age of, say, 25.  Because it’s ALL garbage.)  But if you’re really into a classic author, like Austen, it could be seen as a mark of your interest that you actually make the effort to delve into the lesser-known works, and juvenilia is prime among them.

Jane’s juvenilia is incredibly rewarding.  First off, it’s hilarious.  Most of the commentary that I’ve read on Austen’s Love and Freindship is of the opinion that even the teenaged Jane was a witty social satirist.  Was she?  I’m not sure.  Some of her pieces do seem quite sophisticated in the manner in which they poke fun at the establishment, other authors, etc.  But… then again… you can definitely tell this stuff was written by a teenager.  And I do question whether it was all in fun, or whether some of the pomposity was actually real – the product of a kid taking herself way too seriously, as most of us do at that age.  (Teenaged Jane seems particularly fond of – even fixated upon – the Roman Catholic religion, for example.  Was this her way of rebelling, quietly, against her Church of England vicar father?  A more informed Janeite scholar may know the answer to that question.  I don’t.)

But, whether serious or entirely in fun, the juvenilia is absolutely hilarious.  For one thing, teenaged Jane can’t spell.  No one, apparently, taught her the rule “I before E, except after C.”  As a result, words like “friend,” or “grief,” are routinely misspelled.  (Even in the title of the collection!)  Every time I read the word “freind” or “freindship” – which was often – I chuckled.  And pronounced it phonetically, because funny.

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But it wasn’t just Jane’s terrible spelling that made Love and Freindship such a hoot.  The characters, for instance – they’re all despicable.  And half of them are, to quote the author, “dead drunk” most of the time.  Even the sober characters are just terrible.  The heroine of “The Beautiful Cassandra,” for example, is a lovely young criminal who barges into a pastry shop, “devours” half a dozen ices, refuses to pay, knocks down the proprietor and walks away.  It’s possible I may have snorted tea out my nose upon reading that.  But none of Jane’s characters – nay, not even the beautiful Cassandra – are as depraved as Jane’s most-hated historical figure, Queen Elizabeth I.  (Even Henry VIII’s worst crime, in Austen’s opinion, was fathering the despicable Elizabeth.)  Jane’s History of England was, I think, my favorite piece from the collection – although I loved “The Beautiful Cassandra,” too.

Nerd Flag #2: The History Dork

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I wasn’t sure if I’d get to it, what with my ridiculous library stack and all, but one thing I really hoped to pull off during Austen in August was some Austen-related non-fiction.  I was waffling between Jane Austen’s England and Jane Austen: A Life in Small Things, both of which I own.  Ultimately I decided that I could make the time for one of them, and chose Jane Austen’s England.

The premise of Jane Austen’s England was an exploration of how people in each class lived, from cradle to grave, in Georgian and Regency England.  (Did you know that the bulk of Austen’s life was lived during the Georgian period, not the Regency period?  I don’t know that I’d ever put two and two together that way.  We’re so used to calling the dress fashion “Regency style” and calling Austen’s work “Regency novels” that we forget (or at least, I do) that the Regency period only actually started a few years before Austen’s death.

Anyway, the book begins with a discussion of marriage, then moves on to pregnancy and childbirth, the years of childhood, and then gives a full exploration to adulthood with chapters exploring “wealth and work,” leisure pursuits, crime, medicine, and more.  Where Austen’s surviving letters (mostly written to her sister Cassandra) gave pertinent information, they were used as primary sources.  Other letters and writings of the times filled in the gaps.  I learned a ton.  For instance, did you know that some brides of the era got married in the buff?  It was thought (incorrectly) that if the bride was nude then her new husband’s creditors could not touch any property she might be bringing to the marriage in discharge of his debts.  (The practice was, unsurprisingly, rare – but it did happen.)  My favorite fact came from the childbirth chapter: it was a custom of the era for new fathers to provide “a cake and a large cheese” upon the birth of a child.  (Sometimes the baby was passed through a hole in the center of the cheese as part of the Christening festivities.)  When I read that, I immediately demanded that Steve provide me with two large cheeses – one for Peanut and one for Nugget.  I’m still waiting.

Fun facts aside, the main takeaway I got from Jane Austen’s England was that I’m really, REALLY glad I live in 2015 and not, say, 1792.  Modern medical care and justice system FTW!  I did enjoy the book, and found it really interesting.  My one small critique would be that I wish the authors had spent more time actually talking about Austen herself, or about the middle class.  They focused heavily on the upper and lower classes, neither of which was particularly representative of Austen’s own experience.  At times it even seemed as though the book was a straight history of Georgian and Regency England – which would have been fine – and that the title, Jane Austen’s England, was a gimmick designed to grab readers who like Austen but might not otherwise pick up a history book.  Every so often Austen would be dropped into the narrative, as if throwing the Austenites a bone – and then she’d vanish for twenty pages while the authors discussed street sanitation in London.  I’d have preferred if the book really was an exploration of Austen’s England, and focused on her own experience and the experiences of others in similar living situations.  That said, it was a really interesting book (and I probably already knew more about the status of the working classes than most, as we talked a lot about English labor history in my college classes) and I definitely picked up some interesting, previously-unknown, facts about the England of the period.

Nerd Flag #3: The Comics Geek

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Disclaimer: I wouldn’t consider myself a comics fan.  I’m just starting to read in the medium.  But in the course of beginning to explore comics and graphic novels, I happened to discover that a few years ago, Marvel put out adaptations of four of Austen’s novels – Pride and PrejudiceSense and SensibilityEmma, and Northanger Abbey.  I thought the idea of adapting classics to comics was so different and cool, and I really wanted to check it out, so I ordered online.  I was only able to get to Pride and Prejudice this month, but what a fun spin on the book it turned out to be!  The writer stuck to the original dialogue and the art was modern but expressive.

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My only complaint about Marvel’s Pride and Prejudice was not with the adaptation itself, but rather with the introduction that the writer, Nancy Butler, included.  Butler writes that she was excited to learn that Marvel was adapting classic literature to the comic form, because she thought (and I agree) that the adaptations might draw more girls into reading in the medium.  But she was disappointed with the first selections: “So when Marvel started up their Marvel Illustrated line, adapting classic books to a graphic novel format, I asked . . . when they were going to do something female friendly.  I mean Treasure Island and Man in the Iron Mask are great books, but they are boy books.”

GAHHHHHHHH!  This is a subject too loaded to go into detail on here, in this post that is already too long, but NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE.  Can we please stop referring to books as “girl books” and “boy books” already?  Treasure Island is not a “boy book” – it’s an awesome book that anyone would enjoy.  (I haven’t read Man in the Iron Mask but I am confident it’s just as good.)  And Jane Austen, while she has legions of female fans, is not just “for girls.”  (My friend A.M.B. has some great posts on that very point – go check out her blog, and be sure to read her husband’s witty, insightful reviews of Austen’s novels.)  Anyway, I’ll step down from my soapbox now, and encourage you to go check out the Marvel Illustrated versions of Austen’s work, which are available on Amazon (if your local comics shop doesn’t have any copies stashed away in a back room – mine didn’t).  It was an unexpected, and very cool, approach to Austen’s work, and I’m definitely planning to read the other three comics as soon as possible.  (Especially Northanger Abbey, which in addition to being my second favorite Austen novel – Pride and Prejudice will always hold the top spot – seems uniquely suited to the graphic novel format.)

The Pump Room, where the well-heeled Elliots took afternoon tea.

The Pump Room, where the well-heeled Elliots took afternoon tea.

What a fun month of reading!  I loved spending time digging deeper into Austen’s world.  Thanks, Adam, for hosting!  And how about you, my friends?  Did you participate in Austen in August?  What’s your favorite Austen work?

It’s Monday! What Are You Reading? (August 24, 2015)

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Happy new week, y’all!  Sorry this post is a bit late this morning – I just got home from Peanut’s three year well-child checkup and now I’m checking in here quickly before I get ready to head to WORK(!)… Gulp.  I’m not officially back from maternity leave, but I’m going in for a couple of hours this afternoon to help on a discrete project for which I have a lot of institutional knowledge.  I’m glad that I’ll be able to help out, and it should be a good test run for tearing myself away from Nugget, which I’m already dreading.

This was a surprisingly productive… and just surprising… reading week for me.  The surprisingly productive part: despite all the hoopla that goes with hosting out of town family and throwing a three-year-old birthday pool party, both of which I did this week, I also managed to finish two books: Breakfast with Buddha and Love and Freindship (Jane Austen’s juvenilia, which I read for Austen in August – thoughts on that to come on Friday).  Breakfast with Buddha was good, but I’m not sure it was quite compelling enough for me to seek out the subsequent novels the author has written featuring the same characters.  We’ll see – I have a long TBR list and it’s getting longer by the day.  Love and Freindship was a lot of fun, so stay tuned for a post about my Austen in August reading.  Now I’ve turned my attention to another Austen in August reading project – Jane Austen’s England, by Roy and Lesley Adkins.  I’d been wanting to read this history book for awhile, and (without knowing that I was interested in the book – total serendipity, or they just know me really well) my in-laws gifted me a copy.  Thanks, family!  So I’m into that now.  I finished the first chapter – on marriage, in which I learned some neat and surprising facts – and am now into the chapter on pregnancy and childbirth in Jane Austen’s time and HOLY CATS.  I’m glad I live in 2015.  And that I’m done having babies.  My plan is to try to be done with Jane Austen’s England in time to tell you all about it in my Austen in August post, and then I’ll be moving on to The Martian (which I will not have to wrestle away from Steve, as he’s finished – and loved – it).

So, that’s the surprisingly productive – lots of reading and finishing stuff, despite having a full social calendar this week.  And for the surprising part?  Well, you’ll never guess where I went this week.  No, really, you’ll never guess, so I’m just going to tell you.  I went to… wait for it… THE COMICS SHOP.  Yeah, so remember how I said that comics just didn’t really hold any appeal for me?  Well, I kept hearing about Lumberjanes and the premise did sound pretty cool.  (Kids at a summer camp for hardcore lady-types solving anagrams and wailing on monsters sound good to you too?)  Well, after about the umpteenth time that I heard how great Lumberjanes was, I finally decided that the only way to really know if I’d like it was to go look at it.  So one afternoon last week I loaded Nugget in the car and we drove over to Queen City Books to take a peek.  There’s a whole post coming about this – in January, because I sat down and planned out my posts and I have the rest of the year pretty much covered, crazy, right? – but long story short, I left with a copy of Lumberjanes.  And I read it, and I loved it.  The other material I’d hoped to get from the comics shop was what’s pictured above – bound volumes of several Jane Austen novels in comic form.  (This is something that Marvel did about five years ago, give or take.  I didn’t know exactly how comics shops worked, so I thought there was a chance Queen City Books may have them.  They didn’t, and they encouraged me to buy them online, so I got them from Amazon.)  I just thought that the idea of turning Jane Austen’s work into comic books was so different and neat and weird that I had to see what it was about – and it turns out, it’s really, really fun.  I’ve read the comic version of Pride and Prejudice, and it was just so different from what I usually read.  (More to come on the Austen comics, again, on Friday.)  I don’t know that I’m going to become a hardcore comics reader, but I’m definitely open to reading in different formats, so I’ve been looking at some other graphic novels, and I think I’m going to dig into the comic version of Northanger Abbey next – it does seem really well suited to being a comic book – at least while I wait for the next trade paperback issue of Lumberjanes to come out in October.  Anyway, expect a post on this in a few months, and hopefully I’ll have more cool stuff to report then.

Wow, so much for a quick check-in, huh?  So, how about you – what are you reading this week?

It’s Monday! What Are You Reading? (August 17, 2015)

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Monday again.  They just keep coming around, don’t they?  I had a super active weekend – on Saturday I ran the Finn McCool 4-Mile Odyssey, an obstacle race in Buffalo.  I fell in Cazenovia Creek, went down three slip ‘n slides, and rolled around in a mud pit, and it was awesome.  And then on Sunday, Steve and I joined our friends Zan and Paul for a hike to the Eternal Flame, which I’ve heard is Buffalo’s quintessential must-do hike.  It was a crazy fun weekend, although I am now running on fumes because I do not have the sleep reserves to support all this activity.  But it didn’t leave much time for reading.

In fact, reading pace was slow all week due to the continued sleep woes we are currently experiencing in our house.  I’m not going to spend an entire paragraph complaining about how little I am sleeping, because you all know already.  So I don’t need to explain why I am such a slow reader lately.  What I did manage: I finished up Minimalist Parenting, which I told you last Monday was a lot of common sense, but a nice vote of confidence.  I still feel that way.  I don’t know that it added anything to the discussion, but it did make me feel better about Steve’s and my ongoing attempts to right-size our life and responsibilities.  Then I picked up Book Scavenger, a light and fun middle grade adventure.  Again, nothing earth-shattering, but about all my brain could handle.

Finally, even though I still don’t have much mental capacity, I turned back to Love and Freindship – Jane Austen’s juvenilia, which I am reading for Austen in August.  Teenaged Jane can’t spell, half her characters are “dead drunk” a good portion of the time, and every single person in every single story is a despicable, disgusting excuse for a human being.  I love it.  I have been quite literally wiping away tears of laughter from the awesome ridiculousness of it all.

Reading plan for the week is to finish up Love and Freindship and then, most likely pick up Breakfast with Buddha from my library stack.  I also have The Martian checked out, but in order to read that one I am going to have to pry it away from Steve.  So I think I’ll let him finish it rather than starting any fights about it.  Unless he decides to be poky, in which all bets are off.

How was your weekend?  What are you reading this week?

It’s Monday! What Are You Reading? (August 10, 2015)

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Busted – that was the week before last, not this past week.  If only.  This week was kind of a doozy.  I mentioned a few posts back that Peanut has been experiencing a sleep regression.  To keep it real, I have to admit it’s kind of kicking our butts.  I’m hoping that we will turn a corner soon (last time we had to sleep train Peanut – a few months ago – it was a relatively quick, albeit painful, process – crossing my fingers that this time will be just as quick, since so far it’s actually more painful).  As a result I’ve been lucky to squeak out four hours of sleep in a night, and those are never continuous.  I’ve had several nights of less than three.  I’ve always been someone who needs a lot of sleep, and while I know that the early parenting years often mean a lot of lost sleep, and that it’s temporary, man does it hurt right now.  I’ve been having a bit of a pity party about a lot of things, and the lack of sleep is really feeding into that.

Since sleep was minimal this week, reading was minimal too.  I’ve tried stapling my eyelids open so I can get some pages done, but my speed is much slower when I’m severely sleep deprived.  (Imagine that!)  I did manage to finish Crossing to Safety last week – my first Wallace Stegner; what took me so long? – and I loved it.  It was a quiet, ponderous, slow-moving novel, more focused on characters than events, and yet surprisingly dramatic.  It was wonderful, and now I want to read all of Stegner’s other works.  I’m hoping to pick up Angle of Repose next, and soon.

Crossing to Safety was the only book I managed to finish last week, although I’m close to checking off Minimalist Parenting – just about 60 pages left.  It’s all pretty common sense, but a nice vote of confidence in doing things your way, which we could all use.  I started Love and Freindship for Austen In August, but haven’t made much progress, as I am lacking the brain power required (thanks, toddler bedtime battles!).  Hoping for a better week of sleep next week, and more Love and Freindship as a result.  And in the spirit of taking it easy on myself while this sleep deprivation lasts, I think my next book will be a young adult offering – Book Scavenger – from my library stack.  (Which is finally looking pretty well under control, hurray!)

On the blog this week: a Nugget update on Wednesday and a fun relationship post on Friday.  Check back!

Hope you’re all getting more sleep than I am, my friends!  What are you reading?

It’s Monday! What Are You Reading? (August 3, 2015)

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Hey, friends. Soooooooo… I have a confession to make. Last week, when I said we’d spent the weekend hanging out with old friends? What I failed to mention was that we did said hanging out in DC, on our way to the Outer Banks for a family vacation. And that the reading I was hoping to get in would be done with my toes buried in the sand!  (As longtime readers know, I don’t like to broadcast when we are out of town, either together or individually. I have been posting pictures on my private Instagram account, but that’s it.)

Anyway, we are easing back into reality now. It was a sun-drenched week on the beach and I definitely still wish I was staring at the crashing North Carolina surf. And while I read less on this trip than I did on similar trips before kiddos, I did get a lot of reading done – a surprising amount, really, considering the two tinies. I finished up DOOMSDAY BOOK, BROWN GIRL DREAMING, and THE LIFE-CHANGING MAGIC OF TIDYING UP, and started CROSSING TO SAFETY and my pick for Roofbeam Reader’s Austen in August event: LOVE AND FREINDSHIP (Jane’s juvenilia). Further progress on both is expected this week.

And  with that, I’m off to sort through pictures and imagine myself back on the beach. Vacation recap posts begin on Friday!

It’s Monday! What Are You Reading? (July 27, 2015)

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Just ducking in for a quick hello.  We’ve had a great weekend hanging out with some old friends, and I’m still coming down from the high.  More to come on this, but we’ve packed in plenty of summer fun that I can’t wait to share.

I’ve gotten a surprising amount of reading done for such a busy weekend.  I’m close to finishing up Doomsday Book, the first in the Oxford Time Travel series.  (Time travel books are one of my weaknesses, and this was a fun addition to my list.)  On Saturday I started reading Brown Girl Dreaming – soooooooo beautiful – and when that’s done I’ll be on to The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, about which I’ve been curious for awhile.  I’m sure I’ll have plenty of thoughts about it, so look for those to come in a future post.  If I have time this week, I’m also hoping to dig into Wallace Stegner’s Crossing to Safety – fingers crossed – and Book Scavengers, which looks like a blast.

Coming up on the blog this week I have recaps from two of our summer adventures.  We’ve been having so much fun this month and I can’t wait to share more about what we’ve been up to!

Hope y’all had a good weekend – what are you reading?

Margin Notes: Gretchen Rubin’s BETTER THAN BEFORE

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As I mentioned last week, I’ve been on something of a Gretchen Rubin kick lately, reading three of her bestselling personal improvement books in the span of about two months.  While Better Than Before, her latest, wasn’t my favorite, I did take away a few points from the book, and I’m preserving my thoughts on them here so I can reference them again after I return the book to the library.

The Four Tendencies

Rubin posits that each of us falls into one of four “tendencies” when it comes to our nature and our ability to stick to commitments.  There are:

  • Upholders, who readily meet both internal and external commitments
  • Obligers, who meet external commitments but struggle with internal
  • Questioners, who generally meet internal commitments but will not meet external ones unless they are satisfied that the commitments are based on sound reason
  • Rebels, who don’t like committing to anyone or anything, including themselves

As hubby and I were laying in bed one evening, I showed him the section in which the four tendencies are first outlined, and I asked him which one he thought I was.  He immediately said that he thinks I’m an Upholder.  While I’d love to be an Upholder, I actually disagree with him.  I told him that I think I do have a few Upholding traits, but if I’m being realistic, I have to admit that I’m an Obliger.  It is far, far easier for me to meet an external expectation or commitment to someone else.  When I first picked up running, for example, I ran along the Potomac every other day at the absurd hour of 5:00 a.m. one summer.  I was completely faithful to this schedule, for one important reason – my friend Erin was my summer running buddy, and she was waiting for me.  I never once hit the snooze button, because leaving Erin standing on a street corner was unthinkable.  And the same held true during my first and second Whole30s, in which I had a different buddy – my sister-in-law, Emma.  Whenever I was tempted to cheat on the program, I thought of Emma.  I might cheat on myself, but I’d never cheat on her.  I wish I was an Upholder or a Questioner, but knowing that I’m an Obliger, I think I can put that new understanding to good use when it comes to my goals.

(Hubby also asked me what I think his tendency is.  I told him that I believe he’s a Questioner.  If he decides he’s going to do something, he follows through, but he likes to have full information and to understand why he’s making a particular commitment.  I think it’s much easier for him to commit to himself rather than to meet an expectation simply because it’s there – whereas I tend to blindly follow rules, which is a little bit of Upholder coming out, and to get very caught up in what other people need/want/expect from me, as a classic Obliger.)

Personality Dichotomies

Rubin also references several personality dichotomies, some of which will be familiar to readers of her other books (especially the overbuyer/underbuyer dichotomy and the abstainer/moderator dichotomy).  I liked reading through her list and trying to figure out where I fell.

  • Am I a lark or an owl?  I think I’m a lark, for the most part.  I’m not the earliest riser, but if left to my own devices I rarely sleep past 7:00 or 7:30.  (These days I’m never left to my own devices – that’s life with small children in the house!)
  • Am I a marathoner, a sprinter, or a procrastinator?  While I’d like to think I’m a marathoner, I think I’m a sprinter.  I tend to get my best work accomplished in intense bursts.  I’ve tried for years to become more methodical and marathoner-like in my work style, and what has worked for me is to set myself little private deadlines for different aspects of a project.  (Complete all research by Monday; have brief outlined by Tuesday; draft facts section by Wednesday, etc.)  I hope I’m a sprinter and not a procrastinator.
  • Am I an underbuyer or an overbuyer?  Rubin has explored this distinction at length in Happier at Home, and I knew immediately – I’m an overbuyer.  I will generally not wait until I’m out of paper towels before buying more, for instance.  I don’t go nuts with this, but I find it comforting to know that I’m stocked with the essentials and that if I run out of, say, shampoo, there’s another bottle right under the sink where it belongs.  I like the feeling of having a full pantry and of knowing that I have what I need – and that tendency has served me well in the past.  (For instance, when we were snowed in at home for a week last November, we never ran out of food and were still eating fresh, healthy meals after six days of being unable to open our doors.)  I’m perfectly comfortable with being an overbuyer.
  • Am I a simplicity lover or an abundance lover?  This is one I can’t decide upon.  I don’t like having a ton of clutter in my house, and lately, especially, I’ve been feeling a powerful urge to clear things out.  I get decision fatigue easily and I’m working on finding ways to minimize it.  All that points to simplicity lover (a bit at odds with my overbuyer tendency).  However, there are certain areas in my life where I do like abundance.  I like that my pantry is always fully stocked.  I like my tea cabinet stuffed to the brim.  While I don’t like having a ton of choice in my clothing, I do enjoy lots of accessories, and my scarf collection proves that.  And I love my overflowing bookshelves.  I guess I’m a simplicity lover in general, but a lover of abundance in certain defined areas.  I’m going to write more about this soon.
  • Am I a finisher or an opener?  Oh, a finisher.  Definitely a finisher.  I get the world’s biggest charge out of finishing something I’ve started – which is why I rarely have more than one knitting project or book on the go (and I find it very hard to abandon a book I’ve begun), and I found myself nodding in recognition when Rubin mentioned feeling great satisfaction at returning books to the library.
  • Am I a familiarity lover or a novelty lover?  I would have thought that I was a familiarity lover (after all, I love to re-read my old favorite books), but when I’m really considering the matter, I have to admit that I’m a novelty lover.  I get a big charge out of the new, and I enjoy exploring new places, trying new foods, and seeking out exciting new experiences.  Although I’m a homebody and I love my routines, and although I find comfort in returning to them at the end of the day, eventually most things get old and I’m itching to move on.
  • Am I promotion-focused or prevention focused?  My initial instinct was to say that I’m prevention-focused.  But then I read this sentence from Rubin: “A promotion-focused person recycles in order to make the environment cleaner; a prevention-focused person recycles in order to avoid getting a fine.”  When I undertake an action or start a habit, I’m usually thinking of the larger goals.  So I think I’m promotion-focused.
  • Do I like to take small steps or big steps?  Oh, small steps.  Definitely small steps.  I get easily overwhelmed by a large looming task, and often the only way I can wrap my mind around a big goal is to break it down into small, manageable bites.  I’m not sure I’m even capable of taking big steps.  I have short legs (both literally and figuratively).

Abstaining v. Moderating

One personality dichotomy not listed above, but on which Rubin spends a great deal of time, is the dichotomy of abstaining v. moderating.  Abstainers find it much easier to tell themselves “No, I never do/have/drink/eat that.”  Moderators chafe under such rigid rules.  Rubin is an abstainer, a trait she whole-heartedly embraces.  She doesn’t drink.  She eats low-carb.  And it works for her.  Rubin suggests that while most people believe they are moderators, many are mistaken – there are more abstainers than we realize.

For a long time, I’ve believed I was an abstainer.  It’s why I was able to sustain long periods of vegetarianism, why I’ve made it through three Whole30s, why I have no problem abstaining from alcohol or sushi during pregnancy, etc.  But laying in bed the other night, I had an epiphany.  I’m not an abstainer.  I’m the opposite of Rubin’s suggestion.  I’m a moderator who thinks I’m an abstainer.  I do find it easy to abstain from things (like grains, etc.) for defined periods of time – hence my devotion to the Whole30.  But key to that ability is my knowledge that I can have the things I’m giving up, in moderation of course, when that period is over.  There are some things I find it harder to moderate than others – like sugar – but if I were to say that I never eat sugar, it would immediately become all I can think about.  Meanwhile, I have no trouble moderating my intake of other things – especially alcohol.  I’m not a big drinker and it’s very easy for me to nurse one glass of red wine all evening long, or to stop drinking after one or two beverages, even at a party.  While alcohol can be a very slippery slope for many people, it simply isn’t for me.  Knowing I can have a glass of wine, or a croissant, if I want one, means I’m much less likely to crave those things.  And if I do crave them, I indulge and then I move on.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do with this newfound realization.  Probably continue on as I have been.  But it’s good to know that I’m not an abstainer without self-control, as I’ve believed, but actually a pretty decent moderator.

The “One-Coin Loophole”

Rubin discusses the “loopholes” that we look for in order to derail our good habits or indulge in our bad habits.  One interesting loophole, she has dubbed the “one-coin loophole.”  Basically, this loophole allows us to tell ourselves that one small action or omission won’t make a difference – a slippery slope in which we ultimately abandon all of our good efforts.

There’s a reverse to this.  Reading this section, I thought about a reading and talk I attended some years ago, given by Stephanie Pearl-McPhee (otherwise known as The Yarn Harlot).  I’m a big fan of Pearl-McPhee’s, and it was one of the highlights of my knitting career when I was included on her blog, with my first sock, after that reading.  Pearl-McPhee told a number of stories that stuck with me, and one that came to mind as I read this section of Better Than Before, was her update on how her initiative to get her readers to donate to Doctors Without Borders (an organization in which her brother was active) was going.  Pearl-McPhee’s brother was amazed at the response that her readers gave – donating in much higher proportions than the general population.  According to him, knitters are a group that is known, in charity parlance, as “super-responders.”  Why is this?  Pearl-McPhee’s theory is that knitters understand the value of one small action.  One stitch seems like a very tiny thing.  But when combined with another stitch, and another, and another, they add up to a sock… a scarf… a hat… or a sweater.  Without each stitch, the garment would be incomplete.  So no, one coin, or one stitch, or one vote for that matter, doesn’t seem like a big thing.  But they add up.  Good motivation to stick with good habits, and to jump back on the bandwagon if we slip up.

Reward and Motivation

Rubin is not a fan of rewards for sticking with good habits.  She worries that, by paying yourself to stick with a habit, you’re devaluing the habit itself – teaching yourself to “associate the activity with an imposition, a deprivation, or suffering.”  She probably makes a good point.  Anyway, rewards are not particularly motivating to me. Of course it makes no sense to say, when I lose twenty pounds, I’m going to reward myself with a big slice of chocolate cake.  But I’ve tried using rewards that are not associated with the habit I’m trying to form.  For instance, I’d never reward myself for finishing a Whole30 by granting myself chocolate cake.  But I did promise myself a new glassybaby (obsessed) when I finished my most recent Whole30.  I even chose the color I was going to order – hyacinth.  Then I finished the Whole30 and forgot to order the glassybaby.  Clearly, I did not do a Whole30 to get a candle holder.

Rubin has a list of motivations other than reward:

  • Challenge
  • Curiosity
  • Control
  • Fantasy
  • Cooperation
  • Competition
  • Recognition

I immediately recognized, on reading that list, that fantasy is my prime motivator.  I’m big into visualizing results.  When I need motivation to finish a run strong, I picture the finish line of my next race just ahead of me.  Or I indulge in daydreaming about how my life will look once I’ve reached a particular goal or changed a habit that I want to change.  I love to use my imagination to get a boost and help me stay on track.  I think I’m also motivated by curiosity, challenge, and recognition, but fantasy is definitely my prime motivator.

Treats

Treats are different from rewards.  While Rubin discourages using rewards as a major motivation tool for sticking with a habit, she is a big fan of indulging in treats – within reason, of course.  Her treats include logging books she wants to read, returning library books, and adding to her collection of favorite quotes.  I was inspired to make my own list of favorite (non-food,non-alcohol, non-shopping) treats:

  • Hiking with my family in a beautiful place
  • Looking at pictures or watching videos of my kids (I often reward myself with a video of Peanut doing something adorable after I’ve finished an arduous task at work)
  • Sipping a cup of one of my favorite teas (I save the really special ones for treats)
  • Scrolling through Instagram
  • Taking a bubble bath with my favorite products (I love doing this, and I almost never do)
  • Lighting my glassybaby votives and gazing at them for awhile
  • Reading a good book
  • Relaxing in front of the fireplace on a cold day
  • Running on a pristine trail

Seatbelt Habits

This is not a Rubin phrase, but something that popped into my head as I was reading through this book.  Seatbelt habits are what I call good habits that run completely on auto-pilot – and I give them this name because the prime example, for me, is buckling my seatbelt.  When I get into the car, I immediately buckle my seatbelt.  I do this every single time I get in the car. I never think about it.  It’s a habit that is so ingrained in my life that I do it unconsciously at this point.  It’s also a very, very good habit – seatbelts save lives; wearing one is one of the most important things we can do.  I have a few seatbelt habits, in addition to the namesake – brushing my teeth, drinking my morning tea, wearing a helmet every time I ride my bike, etc.  But there are other habits that I’d like to make into seatbelt habits – namely flossing (I really should be better about this, but like so many people, I hate it and find it hard to remember, although I do use mouthwash faithfully) and making my bed in the morning.  I’m going to think of some more habits that I want to become automatic and work on internalizing them.

Have you read Better Than Before?  What did you think?  Are you inspired to work on your habits after reading the book?

P.S. You may have noticed that I titled this post “Margin Notes.”  As I’ve been reading more non-fiction, I often want to make notes or highlight passages more often – but I get most of my non-fiction from the library, because I rarely re-read a non-fiction book.  So I’m thinking of doing a sporadic blog series in which I post the thoughts that would have been margin notes had I been scribbling in these books instead of returning them to the libe.  It won’t be a regular thing – just whenever I have something to say.  So there ya go.

It’s Monday! What Are You Reading? (July 20, 2015)

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You guys.  I have seriously never been so tired in my entire life.  We were out of town for a wedding and were actually away for most of last week, and it happened to coincide with the worst week of sleep ever.  In the past seven days, I’ve gotten five hours of (non-continuous) sleep a grand total of one time, and that was the good night.  Several nights, I’ve gotten ninety minutes.  Most of it has been due to a major sleep regression by Peanut – of the same variety (all night tantrums FTW!) that had me feverishly checking toddler sleep manuals out of the library a few months ago.  And then last night, Nugget had me up until 1:45 a.m., and then from 3:30 to 4:30, and then again at 5:30.  It’s been brutal – worse than the newborn days, because I don’t have any of that brand-new baby adrenaline to call upon, not to mention the fact that I haven’t had a full night of sleep in over four months.  Nerves are seriously frayed.

Anysnores, all this is to say that I got next to no reading done over the weekend.  I made a tiny bit of progress on The Fellowship, but it’s a really complex (interesting!) read, and I don’t have the brain power for it right now.  It’s due back at the library tomorrow and I still have 300 pages to go, so I think I’m going to return it and hop on the queue again – in hopes that when I get it back I’ll be better rested and more able to focus.  Paying the $0.25 to reserve it again will be a lot cheaper than incurring late fees.

I also started The Millionaire and the Bard over the weekend and got about 75 pages in.  (Seriously, why do I keep picking up these nonfiction books when I’m a sleep-deprived zombie?  At least it’s an easier read than The Fellowship.)  That one’s due back and non-returnable too, but I think I’m going to make a push to finish it during lap naps today and tomorrow (if I don’t zonk out myself, which is the more likely scenario) and hope that I can avoid an overdue charge.  And then it’ll be back to Doomsday Book (exciting fiction, but the print is tiny, which is why I keep avoiding it) and some young adult titles that I hope will hold my attention a little better until I get a decent night’s sleep again.  I’m particularly excited about Brown Girl Dreaming, so that one will probably be next.

So.  I’m going to go ahead and hit publish, although I have no idea if this post actually makes any sense.  It does to me, but when I reached for my tea mug this morning I mumbled the words “I wanna wear this one,” so there’s a good chance I actually wrote this whole thing in symbols instead of letters, and I’d have no idea.

How was your weekend?  What are you reading this week?

Summer of #BlumeAlong, Part II: SUMMER SISTERS

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It’s that time again – time to talk Judy Blume with my fellow #BlumeAlong participants!  If you missed previous discussions, #BlumeAlong is a Judy Blume readalong hosted by Kerry at Entomology of a Bookworm.  We’ve already discussed Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret, and now we’ve moved on to something a good bit steamier: Summer Sisters.

Synopsis

Victoria “Vix” Leonard is twelve years old when Caitlin Somers chooses her as a friend.  Vix can’t believe her luck when pretty, popular Caitlin invites her to spend the summer on Martha’s Vineyard.  Soon Vix is part of the family – Caitlin’s “summer sister” and surrogate daughter to Caitlin’s father Lamb and his new wife, Abby.  Those first summers are idyllic, sun-drenched months of sand, surf and… ahem… discovery.  But as Vix and Caitlin grow into teenagers, and then young women, their friendship will become infinitely more complicated.  Competition for boys and… ahem… milestones heats up with the summer sun, and Vix must learn to protect her heart, even from her summer sister.

My Thoughts

I read Summer Sisters years ago, when I was in high school.  (It must have just come out when I first picked it up, because the credits say it was published in 1998, and I graduated in 1999.)  I remember being fascinated by Caitlin’s privileged world, and blushing extremely hard at some of the girls’ antics, especially once island boys Von and Bru came on the scene.  (I was quite sheltered.)  When I first read Summer Sisters, it was a voyeuristic glimpse into a different world, and I liked that.

Reading it as an adult – and it is, most definitely, a novel for adults – what strikes me most is the complexity of the central friendship.  This is Judy Blume, and there is a huge cast of characters and many relationships to navigate, but Vix and Caitlin’s incredibly complicated friendship is the focal point.  It was bittersweet, certainly, and fascinating, and relatable to at least a certain extent.  After all, what woman has not had a complicated friendship or two of her own?  Girlfriends can be much more intense than boyfriends, and those teenaged years are the time to figure out the give and take that make up adult friendships.

It was there that I thought Vix was maddening.  I’ve had more than one complex friendship – we all have.  I’ve never had anyone quite like Caitlin in my life, but I have had friendships that have taken very intense turns.  I think it’s a right of passage for growing up female.  But a rite of passage means just that – passage.  Those friendships serve a purpose; they help us grow.  But ultimately, we must learn to assert ourselves and figure out how to be part of an adult friendship, and that was something that I don’t think Vix learned to do.  Those intense teenaged friendships don’t last.  They either evolve, or they fizzle.

I think it’s telling that neither of the women I currently consider my “best friends” were the other party in any of my very intense friendships.  One of my closest friends is someone I have known since middle school, and we have been friends since we met, but we really became close in college – once we were both mature enough to understand and partake in a more adult friendship.  The other woman is someone I met and became friends with in college – one of my sorority sisters.  It is those friendships, which escaped that truly intense period, that I think are going to last.  And my most Caitlin-esque friends?  I’ve lost touch with them, and I’m okay with that.  I can now see that they were not healthy relationships.  I can value them for what they were, but I’m glad they’re in the past.

Vix never quite learned to get over Caitlin, and their friendship never evolved.  Caitlin was always the dominant personality; Vix was just grateful that Caitlin chose her as a friend.  I kept waiting for Vix to tell Caitlin off (although, having read the book before, I knew she wouldn’t).  I had to agree with Vix’s college friends Maia and Paisley – I wasn’t sure, by that point, what Vix saw in Caitlin.  It seemed to me to be a one-sided friendship, and I wished that Vix, so mature in other respects, would grow up and demand a more equal, adult friendship.

I enjoyed Summer Sisters, although not as much as I did when I first read it.  I was less shocked by the “adult content” – since, you know, I am an adult now – and was more able to focus on the relationships.  I loved Abby, a figure who barely registered the first time I read the book – on this read, I found myself identifying with Abby more than anyone else.  And Vix’s brother Nathan broke my heart.

All told, Summer Sisters was – of course – well-written, engaging, and more than a little scintillating.  It was fascinating to read it as an adult, since I was about 16 when I last read it.  It might not be my favorite Judy Blume, but as summer reading goes, it doesn’t get much hotter than Summer Sisters.

Have you read Summer Sisters?  What do you think?

It’s Monday! What Are You Reading? (July 13, 2015)

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Oh, my gosh, you guys.  What a busy, packed weekend I had!  All good stuff – Taste of Buffalo on Saturday morning (post coming soon), a family swim on Saturday afternoon, blueberry picking and another family swim on Sunday… it was the sort of memory-making summer weekend that I cling to when the weather gets cold and dreary (and it will get cold and dreary – I saw a t-shirt in a shop window that said “Winter Is Coming. Buffalo NY” the other day – but not just yet).

Anyway, it was a fun weekend, and a busy one, but not one that left much time for reading.  That’s okay.  I love a lazy summer afternoon spent reading by the lake or pool, or on the beach, and I know those types of afternoons are coming, too.  But in the meantime I enjoyed the heck out of this weekend and will have posts about both the Taste of Buffalo and our blueberry-picking fun coming up in the next couple of weeks.  And I did do a little reading.  I finished Summer Sisters on Friday afternoon (post coming soon!) and continued plugging away at The Fellowship: The Literary Lives of the Inklings for the rest of my weekend reading time.  The Fellowship is fascinating, but it’s extremely slow going.  I’m trying to read one chapter every day, and believe me, some days that seems to be all I can manage.  Those chapters are long, and they’re dense.

Upcoming this week, I’m hoping to finish The Fellowship – I think it’ll take another few days, but I should be able to get it done before next weekend rolls around if I apply myself – and then I’ll turn my attention, finally, back to Doomsday Book.  I’m taking the kids on a little road trip later in the week (more to come on that) and hoping to get some more reading done.  If I do, I’ll go either for The Millionaire and the Bard or Helen Castor’s new book, Joan of Arc.  How fun to have so many exciting choices right now!

As for the blog this week, look for a Nugget update on Wednesday (he’s four months old! how did that happen?) and my final Summer of #BlumeAlong post (on Summer Sisters) on Friday.  Have a good week, my friends!

Did you have a good summer weekend?  Get any reading done?