Are you ready? Here comes what is – without a doubt – the silliest post of the year, in which I give high school yearbook-style awards to the books I read in 2020. It is completely pointless, utterly ridiculous, and I hope you enjoy.
Brainiest. I mean, come on. Clearly this year’s valedictorian is Barack Obama.
Best Looking. Robert Macfarlane’s and Jackie Morris’s collections of “spells” and artwork are stunning to look at. They’re the Elfine Starkadder of the 2020 booklist, you know what I mean.
Best Friends. Friendship to the max! I’m pretty sure that Jo, April, Mal, Molly and Ripley have taken this category before, but I mean, obviously.
Class Clown. Surprised that Shirley Jackson is actually hilarious? Me too. Although, to quote that rando psychiatrist that Phoebe dates in season one of Friends, analyzing Chandler, “I wouldn’t want to be around when the laughter stops.”
Biggest Jock. I feel like Georgie would be really surprised by this, but We Swim to the Shark was the only book I read all year that even touched on any kind of sporty endeavor, so she takes it.
Teacher’s Pet. St. Philip’s School in London boasts illustrious alums such as Julian Fellowes (of Downton Abbey fame) and I feel like quite a few teacher’s pets. Can’t you just see them, neat as pins, lined up in their freshly laundered blazers, ready for Mass?
Biggest Nerd. What is a nerd, after all? If it’s someone who loves something, like a lot, Jane Austen fans fit the bill. As a Janeite myself, I am ready to lean into this.
Most Creative. Perhaps this is a sign that I am really grown up now, but a country mansion and acres of wilding gardens strikes me as the perfect palette, and Beverly Nichols is the ultimate artist.
Most Opinionated. Union Jackshirt Aspect! Report for battle! Eugenia Malmain, Mitford’s sheltered and unworldly send-up of her sister Unity, is clearly the most opinionated character in the 2020 booklist. It’s a shame that Eugenia is absolutely kookoo bananapants, and that her opinions – like Unity’s – were utterly reprehensible.
Most Likely to End Up in Hollywood. I’m on record as not loving this one, but the cinematic potential is undeniable.
Biggest Rebel. Again, I think Jack Boughton has taken this category before. But he’s the dictionary definition of a rebel – if a sad one.
Biggest Loner. Hello, my name is Helen Graham. Please leave this property and never speak to me again.
Cutest Couple. If the measure of devotion is following your beloved to war, then Hermione, Countess Ranfurly, who outwits the entire British war leadership in Africa and the Middle East in order to stay near her husband Dan, is the pinnacle. HERMIONE AND DAN FOREVER. Also, Whitaker is the best non-third-wheel-third-wheel there is.
Prom King. James Leigh-Smith, created as an A in the brand spanking new social order, would be all over this.
Prom Queen. I think Queen Lucia of Tilling, formerly of Riseholme, has taken this one before. Perhaps she was too busy playing a wee bit of darling Mozart on her ickle piano and forgot to show up for finals? Either way, she’s the queen.
Most Likely to Succeed. Give Jane Carter a storefront and a tiny bit of capital and she’ll take the world by storm. She’s definitely this year’s most likely to succeed. You’ll be seeing her at all the Fashion Weeks.
Ha! This was fun.
covered in flour 