2020: A Look Back (Braces Self)

I almost didn’t write this post. Because do I really want to look back on this year that has felt like a decade, and not in a good way? To be honest, I’m not totally sure I do. But I always do this post, and while this year didn’t go to plan for anybody, I do want to pause to reflect on the unexpected sources of joy and growth that we drew upon to get through this year.

January. We rang in the new year on a hopeful note. Spent New Year’s Day hiking in Old Chatham, New York, then warming up at my high school BFF’s house. Home in Virginia, we also squeezed in a hike at Great Falls – one of our favorite parks. The falls were roaring that day! Later in the month, I spent a week in New Orleans at a litigation training conference. Didn’t get much time to explore – the conference kept us busy – but I did make it out to the French Quarter with a new friend, and had beignets twice. Unbeknownst to me, this was basically the only travel I’d do in 2020.

February. Work kept me super busy in February. I was preparing for a federal jury trial that was scheduled for mid-March, and was logging 14+ hour days, staying in the office until 11:00 p.m. most nights, and working through the weekends, to get through all of the pretrial work. Not many highlights that month – no hikes, no weekend fun at all – but I did get to celebrate with friends at my work wife Connie’s baby shower.

March. Forever known as “the month the world shut down.” Or, our world, anyway. My trial was indefinitely postponed, Nugget’s birthday party (scheduled for the end of the month) was cancelled, and we all headed home to sit and wait out the uncertainty. (Which we are still waiting out.) The kids got an “extended spring break” while their school figured out what to do (basically nothing – one Zoom session a week and a bag of worksheets; tuition dollars vey well spent). We all wondered what this new life boded for the summer and beyond.

April. As our time at home stretched on, new routines started to take shape. The kids and I began each morning with a long walk, often to a middle school soccer field where they could run around, then muddled through my amateur efforts at homeschooling them until lunchtime. Steve took over in the afternoons and I hopped on my work computer and fielded client questions about how to manage their workforces in these weird times. I grasped a bit of sanity via my running shoes and signed up for a training and virtual racing program from Another Mother Runner.

May. More of the same. Still home, still basically locked down. We walked the neighborhood. We homeschooled. We hiked on the weekends – when we could. It seemed like everyone and their mom had suddenly discovered our favorite hobby, and the trails were alarmingly crowded, but we found a few hidden gems. We also started gradually moving things over to our new house, one county over, in preparation for a June move.

June. This month was all about packing and moving. Our truck rolled out of Alexandria mid-month and we prepared to start a new chapter out in the exurbs. The move was bittersweet – away from so many of our favorite places and people. No more walking to the library and the farmers’ market; no more back patio hangout sessions with the best neighbors ever. But a lot of good things in our new town, and we looked forward to learning them all.

July. Steve and I got a long break this month, because the kids went up to New York to spend a month with my parents. We missed them, but it was also really needed – on all sides. We needed a break from the kids and they needed a break from us, and my parents really missed them. Steve and I spent our time “off” from parenting pretty much the way we always do – hiking and kayaking – but without breaking up fights or doling out snacks. Refreshing! And we also did a massive purge of a bunch of stuff we’d been moving from house to house and never using – Steve rented a dumpster and we filled it to the brim. The kind of project we could never do with the kids around.

August. As the calendar turned to August, Steve and I drove up to my parents’ house to pick up the kids. From there, we were supposed to go on to Cape Cod for a summer vacation, but had to cancel last-minute because of COVID-19 travel advisories. So instead, we quarantined in my parents’ house for a week, then drove back home to Virginia, disappointed and disheartened, but glad to be reunited with the kiddos. We tried to make a staycation work, but the weather was crummy and I ended up just working the whole time – and with that, our vacation hopes for 2020 evaporated. I tried to look on the bright side – we were (and remain) healthy, our families are healthy, and we kept our jobs despite the imploding economy – but I wasn’t in the best place. Just very frustrated that irresponsible government and willful blindness and intransigence by half the population had stolen half the year from us, with no end in sight. We were responsible and careful and rearranged our lives to stay home and keep our communities safe, and we felt like we were being punished; it felt very unfair.

September. The year from hell continued into September, as we stared down the barrel of a very different school year. The kids headed “back” to school – to second grade and kindergarten, respectively – but not in the usual sense. We elected virtual schooling for them as the best of all the bad options, and the whole family transitioned, again, into a new routine for our days – Nugget on his computer next to me, Peanut working side-by-side with Steve. Running kept me sane, and I banged out a few virtual 5K races and a trail 10K.

October. Feeling more and more frustrated with having put our lives on hold for so many months and given up so much to subsidize others’ bad behavior, I decided that I was not going to have my favorite month taken away from me. I finally booked that hot air balloon ride – a Valentine’s Day gift from Steve, right before the world went to hell – and we hit the pumpkin patch and took a walk around Old Town to check out the Halloween decorations. It wasn’t much, but it was something. The kids had fun contactless trick-or-treating in the neighborhood, dressed as Batgirl and the Mandalorian, respectively.

November. It was a low-key month; I swallowed my disappointment at not traveling for Thanksgiving and we threw ourselves into local fun. Met up with friends for a hike in Rock Creek Park; ran several virtual races – including Nugget’s first kids’ mile – and celebrated Thanksgiving with a prepared foods feast at home after our dishwasher spontaneously combusted. Good times.

December. The end of an absurd year, but I can’t bring myself to join the voices shouting “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, 2020!” To be honest, I’m too afraid of what 2021 might have in store. We finished out the year the same as we’ve been living since March. Another month of muddling through distance learning, tramping along the trails at Riverbend Park, watching the birds from the kitchen and sunroom windows, and collapsing on the couch at the end of the days. There was one snow, which was fun; the rugrats pulled out the sled and went screaming down the backyard hill with the neighbor kid. I continued to drive the struggle bus. We celebrated a quiet Christmas at home with our little bubble, and looked ahead to hopefully better things down the road.

And so ends the WORST YEAR EVER. I do hope 2021 holds better things in store, although at this rate I’m not especially optimistic. But here we go: New Year’s is just around the corner. Bring on the cocktails.

It’s the LAST Week of 2020! What Are You Reading? (December 28, 2020)

Morning, friends, happy last-Tuesday(whoops!)-in-2020 morning to you all! Sorry about no post yesterday. I had a particularly crazy workday yesterday – booked solid with conference calls all day, plus two filings, yipes – and this little corner of the internet completely slipped my mind. Apologies! Here’s a Tuesday-Monday-reading-post for you instead.

If you celebrated Christmas, how was it? I hope you had a wonderful day, whether that looked like time with your bubble, or a restful and rejuvenating day. Our Christmas was oddly quiet, but nice. The kids were up at the crack of dawn, as expected. Steve did the family a solid and woke up by shortly after 6:00 so the munchkins could start their Christmas celebrations (I am an early riser, but he’s not). After the gift-a-palooza, we attempted to hike but were stymied by all the nearby parks being closed for the holiday – whoops. Came home and spent the day on phone calls and FaceTime with far-flung family members, day drinking, cooking, and eating a delicious, if non-traditional, Christmas dinner.

I think we all had a good Christmas. Steve had gotten a new TV for his birthday, and he’d ordered a new XBox, so those were his gifts sorted – but I did make sure he had some things to open; his favorite Smartwool socks, some beer treats, a few books. The munchkins got a mix of toys, books and clothes. Peanut’s gifts were overwhelmingly horse-themed; she is obsessed currently. She was delighted. Nugget got the two things on his wish list – a few new “Who Would Win?” books and “a stuffed mouse named Joe.” As for me, I was wildly spoiled – the usual books and new hiking clothes, but Steve also surprised me with an inflatable NRS stand-up paddleboard! And a Werner paddle to go with it. I’m a lucky paddlesports geek! Can’t wait to get my new treasures out on the water. Is it summer yet?

Reading. Still going strong on the book front, heading into the last week of the year. I spent most of last week over Winter Solstice. Typical of Rosamunde Pilcher, it got off to a bit of a slow start and took me a minute to work my way into it, and I kept breaking off to get to my final books of the Christmas season. On Christmas Eve, I read An Englishman’s Commonplace Book, followed by my Christmas Eve tradition – The Twelve Days of Christmas: Correspondence. On Christmas Day, I made time for another tradition: A Country Doctor’s Commonplace Book (which is hilarious). Finally turned back to Winter Solstice and finished it up on Sunday, then turned my attention to reading one of my Christmas presents – Death on the Nile, thanks Mom!

Watching. Actually did quite a bit of watching this week. A few episodes of The Great Festive Bake-Off, and after the final episode we’re now jonesing to watch Derry Girls, which is luckily on Netflix – so look for that to appear in this space in 2021. Another attempt at getting all the way through Rick Steves’ European Christmas (kids fell asleep again) and a few of the “regular” episodes of Rick Steves’ Europe. Finished up nearly all of the holiday content on Miranda Mills’ YouTube channel. And on Christmas night, Steve and I watched a recorded concert of his dad’s chamber choir, Vocalis, singing Christmas carols a few years ago – a recent discovery by Steve. Steve’s dad passed away in 2018, and I could tell he really treasured the chance to see his dad sing again.

Listening. A few podcasts, but I’ve been on more of a music kick lately – The New Pornographers specifically. Not being especially in the holiday spirit this year, I eschewed Christmas carols in favor of belting out songs from The Electric Version and Twin Cinema (oldies but goodies) as I ran my last-minute holiday errands last week.

Making. I spent a decent amount of time in the kitchen last week, celebrating having a dishwasher again. (Yes, I have a dishwasher again! We got the call on Monday and it was delivered on Tuesday. A Solstice miracle!) Made my holiday tradition – artichoke dip – for Christmas Eve (served it alongside smoked salmon). Nugget liked it, but Peanut turned up her nose. Break my heart! (Also, how?) On Christmas Day, we were a little non-traditional and sat down to a slow-simmered bolognese sauce (made with Impossible burger ground) served over organic spaghetti – yum. And for dessert, I whipped up an apple custard cake from Dorie Greenspan’s Baking Chez Moi. Easy and festive!

Moving. Meh. Not much of a movement week, unless you count running around doing last minute stuff to make the holiday festive for the family. We hiked on “Christmas Eve Eve” after wrapping up work for the day, and on Saturday after Christmas. (We attempted to take an actual Christmas Day hike – it was raining cats and dogs on Christmas Eve, so no go – but all of the parks nearby were closed. Understandable, but a bit of a bummer. The kids were pretty unenthusiastic too; even Nugget, who is usually down for trail time, wanted to go home and commune with his new toys.) And we made to a new-to-us trail at Riverbend Park – our local fave – on Boxing Day. I’m hoping to squeeze in a few hikes this week ahead, and more running. I’ll have to fit it around work, though.

Blogging. I’m starting New Year’s content this week! No time like the present, right? And while I might be a little concerned about what fresh horrors lay in store in 2021, I’m not going to be sorry to see 2020 out, either. Posting my traditional look back at the preceding year on Wednesday. Since Friday is New Year’s Day, I’ll just pop in quickly for a brief hello; I’m planning to spend most of the day enjoying family time with my bubble.

Loving. I almost never have a product in here, but what is making my life the most awesome right now is – my new leggings, a Christmas present from Steve. I have been wanting soft wear-around-town leggings for ages, but couldn’t seem to find the right pair. I finally hit on the Spark 2.0 leggings from Title Nine as a likely bet, and Steve delivered for Christmas. You guys. I’m calling them my Goldilocks leggings, because they are perfect. Soft, comfy, flattering, with that sticky stuff around the waist so they don’t slip down. I’ve worn them on neighborhood walks, hiking, and around the house, and they’re everything I ever dreamed leggings could be. I never want to wear anything else.

Asking. What are you reading this week?

Christmas Reading 2020 – Final Tally

First things first: Merry Christmas, to my friends who are celebrating today! To those who are not, I hope that you’re enjoying a day off work if you get it, and that you have a restful end of 2020 ahead.

It has been some season of reading! 2020 reading has been something of a roller-coaster; between trial prep, pandemic-induced reading slumps, and long periods of churning through books, I feel like I have whiplash. December was an upswing in terms of reading, and I planned a bookish Advent (to replace all of the running-around fun that we usually do). I powered through most of the list that I shared earlier this month, and all told, made it to the following seasonal reads:

  • The Folio Book of Christmas Crime Stories, by various authors
  • Village Christmas: and Other Notes on the English Year, by Laurie Lee
  • Wonders and Absurdities 2019, by Philip Rhys Evans
  • Christmas at Thompson Hall, and Other Christmas Stories, by Anthony Trollope
  • Portrait of a Murderer, by Anne Meredith
  • Christmas Crackers: Being Ten Commonplace Selections, 1970-79, by John Julius Norwich
  • Round the Christmas Fire: Festive Stories, by various authors
  • Silent Nights: Christmas Mysteries, by various authors
  • The Twelve Birds of Christmas, by Stephen Moss
  • An Englishman’s Commonplace Book, by Roger Hudson
  • The Twelve Days of Christmas, by John Julius Norwich

That’s not counting A Country Doctor’s Commonplace Book, which I’ll be reading today (as per my tradition of the last few years), or Winter Solstice, of which I am still in the middle. So! Some Advent in books. I’ve enjoyed myself, although I’m also looking forward to branching out and getting back to my usual variety. And I suspect I’ll have a few more to add to the list before the month wraps up, as per my usual.

How did your holiday reading shake out?

2020 Wasn’t ALL Bad

It’s such a 2020 trope that this year was a dumpster fire, that it’s almost trite to say it, but let’s all just acknowledge one more time: WORST. YEAR. EVER. Seriously, from pretty much off the block, things have just sucked. It would have been a rotten year no matter what, but malicious ineptitude in the place of leadership made everything worse.

That said, there were some good things that happened this year. Not many, I’ll grant you. But some! On a personal level, I moved to the exurbs and got a promotion at work, we did a ton of kayaking and hiking, and my dear friends Connie and Vanessa each welcomed a sweet baby boy to their respective families (I’m contenting myself with photos until I can hug them and kiss their chubby baby cheeks). Aside from my own personal joys, there were actually some “good news” stories in the world writ large. Here are a few:

Hamilton on Disney+ amirite? Felt like the most 2020 of miracles that for $7/month we could sing along to Yorktown in the Living Room Where It Happened.

Two new J-pod babies! It felt especially joyous to welcome J-57 Phoenix, after following along with mom J-35 Tahlequah’s sad journey in 2018. But then there was J-58 Crescent following right after! And the 2019 J-pod and L-pod babies are still healthy and thriving, and may they continue that way.

(Pssst – busted; those are transient orcas from Steve’s and my trip to the San Juan Islands in 2019. But, orcas!)

While we’re on the subject of baby animals, here in D.C. we also welcomed baby Xiao Chi-ji to the Panda Pavilion at the National Zoo! (That’s a pic of mom Mei Xiang that I snapped a few years ago.) His name means “little miracle,” which is exactly what he is. A baby panda feels like a miracle no matter what, but in a year in which there was precious little to celebrate, baby Xiao has brought so much joy to all of us here in the nation’s capital. It’s panda-monium. (I’m not sorry.)

Speaking of the nation’s capital – we’re a little lighter of hearts as we head toward January 20, 2021. Joe! Kamala! Melania even phoned in the Christmas decorations this year, so they were just regular style decorations, not terrifying giant handmaids or anything. It’s almost overrrrrrrr

A world away from Washington, D.C., the Buffalo Bills are AFC East Champions! I am told this is a very big deal. Yeah! Go Buffalo! (Here’s a picture from the finish line of the Fifty Yard Finish Half Marathon in 2014, inside Ralph Wilson Stadium.)

There were not very many “good news” stories this year, but there were some. Some is more than none. And I’m cautiously holding out hope for 2021. With a vaccine on the way, and grown-ups back in the White House, maybe we’ll even get the luxury of some conventional sources of joy next year. I’d dearly like to hug my grandmother. And if there’s some travel in the offing, so much the better. More baby whales would be great, too.

What “good news” stories brought a smile to your face this year?

It’s the Winter Solstice! What Are You Reading? (December 21, 2020)

Good morning, friends. Solstice blessings to my fellow nature goddessy-types! May the rebirth of the sun bring warmth and joy to your homes. How are you welcoming the light this Midwinter?

First things first: for those of you keeping score at home, I still do not have a dishwasher. Remember how we were supposed to get our dishwasher delivered, finally, last Saturday? And the delivery company no-call-no-showed us? So we rescheduled for this Thursday? Yeah, about that. They did show up, but they showed up with a dishwasher that was so badly dented the door wouldn’t close. Then in the process of removing our old burnt one, they broke our water and the only way to fix it was to “install” the non-functional new unit. So now I have a dishwasher that is just a cube of useless metal and plastic in my kitchen. I guess that’s a marginal improvement over the smoked-out ruin, but I’m still hand-washing everything and eating off of paper plates. And the dishwasher our landlord selected is backordered – of course – so we won’t get a new one until January. How very 2020, right?

Anyway. The rest of the weekend was a slight improvement over the burning, howling rage that was Thursday, but that’s not saying much. I had big plans for a productive weekend and I did reasonably well, although I didn’t get to everything I wanted to do. My top-priority “A” goals were to finish organizing the guest bedroom and wrap and package up the gifts that have to be mailed (just Rebecca, my brother and sister-in-law, and my friend Susan this year). I did get to both of those, and I cleaned the dining room, finished my Christmas shopping, and got started on wrapping Steve’s and the kids’ gifts. So – not bad! I didn’t make my “reach” goal of a completely clean house and soaking in a reward bubble bath by Sunday evening, but I sort of knew that was a long shot. It’s hard to have a really productive weekend when someone interrupts you every five minutes to ask for a snack or a water bottle, but I got done what I really needed to do. And we even made it out for a hike on Sunday, although that was kind of a bust – the kids dragged their feet, lagged behind us bickering, fell in the mud and were generally unruly and unmanageable, so we ended up having to cut our hike short. Womp, womp. Seeing as our weekly trail time is pretty much the only thing that keeps me sane, that doesn’t bode well going into Christmas week.

Reading. Slowed down on the reading speed this week – busy, tired, and fell into the doomscrolling trap a bit. Oh, and there was one night of hours-long phone conversations, first with my mom and then with my mom’s BFF (who is basically my second mom) – no regrets on that front! When I did read, I read good stuff. Spent most of the week over Silent Nights, which was a lot of fun. As with all short-story collections – I say this every time – there were hits and misses. But on balance, it was great! The weekend was mostly devoted to The Twelve Birds of Christmas, which FINALLY arrived, yay! What a fun and fascinating book. I finally finished it up on Sunday evening, and spent the rest of the night with Winter Solstice. I timed it so I’d be reading it on the actual solstice, so I’m feeling pretty pleased with myself.

Watching. We’d gotten behind on The Mandalorian, so we’re catching up now – just the season finale to go. My high school BFF’s husband recently wrote on Facebook that The Mandalorian is the Star Wars content he’s always wanted – and I have to agree. It’s exciting, pacey, diverse, and the content feels really fresh (I liked the new Star Wars movies as much as everyone, but they did seem to repeat the plot points from the original trilogy). We have enjoyed every episode and they just seem to get better and better.

Listening. The usual mix. The highlight was the “A Christie for Christmas” episode of Shedunnit (that show is SO good, you guys), but I also loved a warm and validating episode of The Mom Hour about guilt-free opting out of holiday-related mom pressure. And I mixed in some music; I just needed some heart-pounding bass. Some R.E.M., some New Pornographers. (Side note: I do wish they had a different name. They’re one of my favorite bands – not quite up to Decemberists level, but close. But I can’t bring myself to say “New Pornographers” in front of the family, even though there’s nothing at all inappropriate about their music, so I call them “A.C. Newman and Neko Case” – after the lead singing duo.)

Making. The best making of the week was a few good shots of a new winter visitor to our backyard nyjer feeder – a white-throated sparrow! As I said when I emailed the pictures to my mom, mother-in-law, aunt and family friend, I’ve seen enough house sparrows to last me a lifetime but these country sparrows are welcome at my feeders anytime. This one was a new bird for my life list, which is always exciting. In other making news, I made the usual piles and piles of work product (despite feeling a combination of overwhelmed and unappreciated, which is a bad combination). Also made a cleaned-out guest room, a dent in my Christmas wrapping, and a really delicious slow-simmered beefless (made with Gardein) stew on Sunday evening. Yum.

Moving. Ha! So I do have something to report! In addition to our abortive hike on Sunday, I did manage to squeeze several workouts into my busy week of brief-writing. No outdoor runs: we had what passes for a snowstorm in D.C. earlier in the week, and my already-hilly neighborhood is currently a skating rink. Between the icy conditions and the cars that go screaming down my street, I was scared to run. (Steve did make it out for a few runs; he’s braver than me.) I hit the treadmill, though! Back before the pandemic, I had joined Peloton. I had no intention of buying a $3,500 exercise bike (and still don’t) but my office gym had one, so I figured I could ride it. But before I figured out how to lower the seat, COVID happened and we all got sent home for the duration. So I let my Peloton “membership” languish – until I recently realized that they have other workouts available and re-upped my membership last week. So far I’ve done a HIIT treadmill workout and a holiday-themed cardio bootcamp. I’m a little embarrassed to admit how much fun it is.

Blogging. I promised you a more positive week this week, and I will deliver! Good-news stories from 2020 on Wednesday, and the final tally of my Christmas-themed reading for the month on Friday (before I move on to reading all those books I’m hoping Santa will deliver – I’ve been a very good girl this year!). Check in with me then…

Loving. You know what has been giving me life lately? The proliferation of warm, positive, and validating posts on social media (I know, right?) as this ridiculous year winds down. Everyone from Sisters Village (one of my favorite astrology follows) to Adirondack hiking accounts I follow is coming up with a variation of this message: it’s okay if you didn’t reach every goal this year; it’s okay if you don’t feel much in the holiday spirit; it’s okay if you want to hang your twinkle lights eight weeks early; it’s okay if you don’t want to hang twinkle lights at all; it’s okay if you’re not really okay – you’re alive, you’re here. I think we’re all in this space right now of feeling like we’re killing it, pandemic-style, some days and wanting to hide in the closet with the boxed wine other days. (No? Just me?) I don’t need the internet to tell me it’s okay that I am all over the place right now. But I sure am glad the message has shifted from the screechy LET’S MAKE MEMORIES AND ENJOY THIS BONUS FAMILY TIME from back in March to December’s hey, things are not good and you can have those feelings and it’s valid. Bit of a downer? Not intentional. Sorry.

Asking. What are you reading this week?

Missing the Mom Tribe

The other night I was laying awake, turning over a thorny strategy problem for work when I should have been asleep, and suddenly out of nowhere I was hit with a memory from over a year ago – followed by another wave of sadness at everything the pandemic has taken from us.

Nugget’s best bud has an October birthday. He didn’t have a party this year – obviously – but in 2019 his mom (my friend Helena) threw him a farm birthday, complete with goat petting and a hayride. Nugget, who is here for anything involving vehicles, was one of the first onto the wagon; gotta secure that money spot with a good view of the tractor, right? I followed him up, and behind me came his pal A. A was as stoked as the other little guys until he saw his mom, my friend Meredith, waving from the grass. She was sitting out the hayride in order to feed A’s baby brother.

A’s lip started to tremble and I could see the tears welling up, so I patted my lap and motioned to him to come up. “Want to sit with me?” I asked him. A nodded tremulously and climbed onto my knee. Nugget immediately clambered onto my other knee. I put an arm around each of them, cuddled them close, and dropped a kiss on top of each blond mop head, and the tractor pulled out, towing us behind.

A and Nugget stayed planted in my lap for the entire hayride. When the tractor rolled back to the parking area, Meredith was waiting. A popped off my lap and rushed to his mom. Picking him up, she thanked me for holding him on the hayride.

“I enjoyed it,” I assured her. “He was very snuggly.”

She laughed. “He can be!” (I knew just what she meant. Those preschool boys are like puppies – running around wild, rolling on top of each other, roughhousing and jumping on the furniture and piling all over one another one moment, then cuddling up in your lap the next.)

I’m not sure why this memory came back so vividly the other night. But it drove home another thing that I am missing: my mom tribe. With a few exceptions, I never really connected with the other moms in Peanut’s class, especially after we moved home to Virginia. But Nugget ran in a herd with a gaggle of boys in his preschool class, and the moms ended up drawn to one another, too. We clustered together at back-to-school nights, birthday parties, Thanksgiving picnics and holiday concerts. We arranged play dates and openly shared frustrations and triumphs – and it fostered a bond of trust. I thought nothing of scooping Meredith’s little guy up and comforting him when I saw storm clouds starting to gather; she’d have done the same for me if I had to sit out a hayride and Nugget started to tear up.

There’s been so much talk about the connections we’re all missing during these long months of pandemic. The strong connections – grandparents not able to hug grandchildren, siblings missing out on family gatherings, dear friends unable to see each other for months. And the weak connections – that barista who knows just how to make your favorite morning drink, the favorite yoga instructor or peewee swim teacher, the supply room guy who always makes sure to stock your favorite snacks and pens at work. But there’s a middle level of connection, and I think I might miss that most.

I’ve had a few moments of those middle connections with the mom tribe during pandemic-times. Hiking in Rock Creek Park with my law school BFF Carly, her daughter, and Nugget. Peanut and her bestie stomping in a clear creek while my pal Rachel and I chatted as hard as we could through our face masks. Doling out marshmallows to Nugget and his best buddy as Helena and I stood around a backyard bonfire, catching up on school gossip and reminiscing about our college days (we were both at Cornell in the early 2000s and have a handful of friends in common, although we didn’t meet until our sons bonded at school). But those connections are few and far between lately, and I miss them more than I’d realized. Having those trusted friends who you can count on to pick up your baby, kiss an owie if you’re looking the other way when it happens, remember who has a nut allergy, make sure your kiddo has his goodie bag – that’s surprisingly huge. Not having that is a sort of bereavement.

Just another thing COVID has taken from us, hopefully not forever.

Do you miss those middle connections too?

Festive, Not Festivus

Let’s be real: if there was ever a year to go all-in on Festivus, it’s 2020, right? I feel like we all could get particular satisfaction out of the airing of grievances. I’ve got a lotta problems with you this year.

But, BUT, I’m trying to be positive here. Trying to overlook the fact that there’s a global pandemic, a seemingly hopelessly divided country, and – in my house, at least – so much backtalk and rudeness, and so little listening or cooperation. While we try to figure out what Christmas is going to look like this year, a look back at happier times.

It’s lucky I took so many pictures of fresh holiday wreaths on our traditional Old Town Christmas walk last year.

I am taking it on faith that Santa did, in fact, roll through Little Washington this year.

Our Christmas tree has already stopped taking on water, so I think we’ll definitely be back at the cut-your-own farm next year. It’s not pressing the easy button if your roadside stand tree becomes a fire hazard by mid-December.

Squeezing into a little room with hundreds of strangers was not in the cards this year, but maybe next year we’ll be back at the U.S. Botanic Garden’s holiday trains display. Hopefully without getting stomach bugs, like we did two – or was it three? – years ago. Come to think of it, maybe this is a holiday tradition that should stay in the past.

Join the Dark Side. We have eggnog.

This is the first time in four years that we have skipped our girls’ theatre date for Christmas. I miss this tradition. Next year I’m pulling out all the stops and taking Peanut to the fanciest Nutcracker performance in town. Unless I have to spend all of my money sending her to military school, which is a distinct possibility at this point.

Onward to our socially distanced, bubble-centric holiday, with hopes for a merrier Christmas in 2021.

Are you also missing pre-pandemic holiday traditions this year? How young is too young for military school?

It’s Monday! What Are You Reading? (December 14, 2020)

Late post this morning – sorry. Last week was a doozy, the weekend was a doozy, and this week ahead is looking like a doozy. (In other news, I am submitting my application to the Guinness Book of World Records for most over-use of the word “doozy.”) On Saturday, I had big plans to get stuff done around the house. We were staying home all day because we were expecting our new dishwasher delivery after a month of eating off paper plates and hand-washing everything. I spent the morning folding and putting away laundry, cleaning out the linen closet, and organizing the guest bedroom storage situation in anticipation of delivery of some new closet organizers I am expecting today. I felt productive, which was the good news, but the bad news was we were totally ghosted by the dishwasher delivery people. No dishwasher, no call. Steve reached them this morning and they were mildly apologetic but won’t be delivering until Thursday – six days after they were supposed to come, and that’s if they don’t no-call-no-show us again – and no plans to make it right with us. To say I’m unhappy about this would be an understatement.

Anyway, since Saturday didn’t turn out like I expected – ending the day with a completely clean house, including kitchen – Sunday wasn’t the relaxing day I had planned either. I had some work to do, so I powered through that. We did manage to get out for a hike in one of our favorite bird-watching spots over in Leesburg, and saw MORE Eastern Bluebirds and a new-to-me (as yet unidentified, though) kind of sparrow. It was nice to get fresh air and move my feet after a long week of work and house frustration.

Reading. It might have been a slightly lousy week in general, but it was a good – and very festive – reading week. And also very symmetrical, apparently: two commonplace selections; two collections of holiday-themed short stories; and two mysteries. Well, one of the mysteries is also a collection of holiday-themed short stories, but you get my drift. Christmas spirit is in short supply around here, so I’m taking it wherever I can get it, and my reading evenings with a flickering candle and the lighted Christmas tree are keeping me going these days.

Watching. It was actually a very good watching week as well. We’ve been gradually making our way through the recent seasons of Rick Steves’ Europe as a family, and they are both lovely and sad-making, since we can’t travel anywhere right now (stoopid pandemic). On Sunday, Steve and I cuddled up on the couch and watched Rick Steves’ European Christmas (my request) while the kids engaged in some kind of ultimate fighting championship in the playroom. They did take breaks to come out and tell us they hate us, so that was not the best. I also spent a relaxing hour or so catching up on Miranda Mills’ festive content on YouTube.

Listening. Made my way through a few back episodes of Tea or Books? on my podcatcher while folding laundry and sorting through guest room detritus. The usual.

Making. Piles of work product, progress on Christmas shopping (but not wrapping), mailed-out Christmas cards, a clean linen closet, the beginnings of plans for next spring’s garden. (Do hollyhocks bloom the first year? The internet can’t make up its mind.)

Moving. Oof. It was not a good week. Other than accompanying Nugget on a kids’ run on Monday, nothing. 55-hour workweeks are not conducive to taking care of me. This is a recurring problem, clearly.

Blogging. Sharing some festive pictures from past holiday seasons on Wednesday, since Advent fun is thin on the ground this year. And musing on missing my mom tribe on Friday. Check in with me if you’d like, and I promise happier content next week. This is just where I am right now.

Loving. My Provencal pottery ornaments, which I bought in Gigondas back in 2010, have been missing for years. Every time I’ve decorated my tree in recent Christmases, I’ve lamented their loss. But guess what turned up in this most recent move? I’m delighted to have them back, and of all the ornaments on my tree, they are giving me the most joy – reminding me of a time when Steve and I were able to travel and stock up on experiences and memories. And they are also giving me hope, that I will find myself back in France someday.

Asking. What are you reading this week?

Themed Reads: A Very Murdery Christmas

What is it about Christmas that makes people so particularly bloodthirsty? Is it all the extra relatives in the house (unless it’s 2020, of course)? The intimidating spikes on the ends of a mistletoe leaf? The inhibition-destroying effects of boozy eggnog? The bloody sheen of holly berries on death-pale snow? Okay, I’m creeping myself out now, so I’ll stop. But Christmas is undeniably fertile ground for mystery writers from the Queen of Crime, Dame Agatha Christie (Hercule Poirot’s Christmas) to lesser-known Golden Age mystery writers (like the contributors to British Library Crime Classics’ Silent Nights and Crimson Snow collections) and modern-day writers like Alan Bradley (I am Half Sick of Shadows). Whatever it is about Christmas, there seems to be plenty of shadow under those twinkle lights.

Any Golden Age crime reader these days is familiar with the British Library Crime Classics series – which is growing too fast for me to keep up with these days. The Santa Klaus Murder, by Mavis Doriel Hay, is a particularly fun entry, especially at this time of year. An unpopular, but rich, old gentleman is found murdered in his library, by a guest dressed as Father Christmas, and things only get weirder from there. There are a few obvious twists, one of which is revealed on the back cover (why???) but it’s good fun. You’ll never look at a Santa costume the same way again.

Another country-house-at-Christmas murder mystery, Georgette Heyer’s A Christmas Party is fun and frothy – or at least, as fun and frothy as a crime novel can be. All of the classic holiday-themed Christmas mystery tropes are here: a snowstorm that isolates all of the possible suspects in a house together; several red herrings; lots of family secrets. Good stuff all around.

For a more modern take on the Christmas murder mystery, look no further than Louise Penny, who contributes A Fatal Grace – the second installment in her popular Armand Gamache series. It’s an interesting twist on the locked room trope: CC de Poitiers, the unpopular murder victim – query: is the murder victim ever not unpopular? – is electrocuted in the middle of a frozen lake, during a curling competition as the entire village looks on. I guessed the identity of the killer fairly quickly, but while the who was obvious, only Chief Inspector Gamache can figure out the how. Also, crossing curling off my list of sports to try.

Does Christmas make you bloodthirsty? Any holiday-themed murder mystery recommendations for me?

My Outdoor Gear Pet Peeve

It’s true that the only thing you really need in order to spend time outside is yourself.  Walk out the door, maybe find a park, and you’re in business.  (There are access to outdoors issues, which are very real and urgent, but that’s not what this post is about.)  But it’s also true that the more you get into outdoor sports – be that hiking, kayaking, climbing, snowsports, or something else – the more you might get interested in gearing up.  And it’s an inescapable fact that certain gear makes the outdoor experience more pleasant.  A hike is more fun if you’ve got good boots and you’re not rolling your ankle every five steps in your sneakers.  Basically, if you’re into outdoor sports, you could find yourself at your preferred outdoor retailer from time to time.  How many time-to-times depends on your budget.

I’m pretty responsible about my budget, but I hear the siren call of REI from time to time.  And when I do find myself either browsing the website or standing in front of a display at my local co-op (or the D.C. flagship), I have a pet peeve.

I hate all that girly crap.

There, I said it!  What drives me crazy more than anything else is when I am trying to buy women’s-specific gear and I am stuck deciding between pink, purple, and aqua/teal or powder blue.  How about none of the above?

The first time I really thought about this was when I was buying a life jacket, a couple of years ago.  We had been renting kayaks more often, and I was sick of swimming (please appreciate the pun) in ill-fitting PFDs.  When Steve asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day, I said I wanted a women’s life preserver.  Something that was designed for women, that would fit right and not ride up.  Shouldn’t be hard, right?

I did extensive google research and decided that I should probably try on a few different options.  So one lunch break, I hopped on Metro – these were pre-COVID days – and ran over to the REI DC flagship store in NoMA.  I had a hunch I was going to end up with the Stohlquist Flo, but I wanted to try them all.  I spent an hour with a sales consultant, taking life jackets on and off, zipping and cinching and pretending to paddle, and concluded – Flo it is, just like I thought.  Then I asked about color choices.  And it turned out my options were purple and… purple.

“This style used to be available in orange, right?” I asked.  “Do you maybe have one in the back?”

No.  Purple.  And purple.

At the end of the day, I wanted a life jacket that fit me properly.  I wanted something that was going to keep me comfortable for hours on the water – we were planning our five-day kayak trip to the Salish Sea, and I hoped there would be more multi-day paddling trips in our future.  The Stohlquist Flo was perfect in every respect, except for the grape color.  I gritted my teeth and bought it.

(Worth noting: it’s a great PFD.  I’ve had it for two paddling seasons now and I love the way it fits.  And recently as I was walking down the steps onto the dock at one of the DC boathouses, another paddler stopped me and started gushing: “I have that life jacket too!  It’s the best!”  This has also happened to me with my Oboz hiking boots.  Women’s outdoor gear tends to create something of a sisterhood of devotees.)

(Here’s a piece of outdoor gear I love: my Werner Camano kayak paddle, in the “Mount Baker” design, which makes me smile every time I use it – especially now that I can say I have paddled in the shadow of Mount Baker.)

I tend to be drawn to colors that would today be considered gender-neutral.  All my adult life, my favorite color has been green.  I like blue and orange, too – colors found abundantly in nature.  (And before you @ me, I know about flowers and sunsets; I know that pink and purple can be seen in the natural world, too.)  And it drives me crazy that I can’t have both a piece of gear that is designed specifically for women and also… let’s say… a nice, calm navy blue.

I was reminded of this recently while shopping around for new trekking poles.  I don’t have any immediate plans to replace my (teal, of course) trekking poles.  But they are getting on in years, and they’re starting to slip around a bit.  It may not be time for new ones yet, but it will be eventually.  So I mentioned to Steve that new trekking poles would be a good gift idea for a birthday or Christmas down the road (but not too far down the road) and that when that day came, I’d like a pair of Leki poles.

Why Leki? he asked.

Well, a couple reasons, I told him.  One, I have not been impressed with some of the political stances taken by the company that makes the poles I have currently.  Two, I grew up using Leki ski poles and always liked them.  So: Leki, I said, that’s what I want.

Steve likes to get a link to a gift idea, so a few weeks later I popped over to the REI website to look for options.  There were two – count ’em, two – pairs of women’s hiking poles made by Leki, and only one was the telescoping style I like.  The color?  “Blue/Berry.”  A nice deep blue background, and a cork and white handle.  Yay!  But then they had to go and splash magenta accents up and down the poles.  Why?

(^If only Nugget’s trekking poles came in adult size.)

I’ll probably end up putting the “Blue/Berry” Leki poles on my Christmas list, or asking for them for an upcoming Mother’s Day.  Everything except the magenta accents is on point.

On one level, yes, there are bigger problems in the world than not being able to get a life jacket that isn’t purple, or trekking poles that aren’t pink.  But on the other hand… I do think it’s symptomatic of a world that is still too gender-normative, that it’s hard for women to find gear that is designed for our bodies, but that isn’t shoving socially gendered colors and patterns down our throats.  I’m a heterosexual, cis woman – my gender identity aligns with what is considered traditional in my social environment – who just happens to prefer orange and green to purple and pink.  I can wear a purple PFD, sure.  But what about a person who wants properly fitted gear but is harmed by gender constructs?  Doesn’t that person deserve to have a PFD – or a bike, or trekking poles, or any other piece of gear –  that fits them correctly but that doesn’t scream “lady adventurer”?

And if purple and pink is your jam, no shade!  You do you.  I guess what I’m saying is… wouldn’t it be nice if there were enough options so that we could all feel comfortable and joyful?

Just something to think about, outdoor brands.  Just something to think about.  And now I’m off to surf the web looking for an orange mountain bike that is both my size and also not for little boys.