One of my favorite posts of  the year!  For the past several years now, I’ve been assigning cheeky high school-style awards to the books that I’ve read over the course of the year.  It’s always such fun to look back over my booklist and decide on things like “teacher’s pet,” and “prom queen” and “most likely to succeed.”  (Fun fact: I won a senior superlative in my final year of high school, but it was lame – “shortest.”  Blah.)  As usual, and just to be clear, these aren’t necessarily books published in 2017 (although some may be) nor are they all my favorites for the year.  They’re just the books that I think fit best into the categories of a typical high school yearbook, yes it’s completely ridiculous, and now let’s have some fun.

Brainiest.  I must’ve scanned through my booklist five times but there was no help for it – the smartest person on there in 2017 was Hillary Rodham Clinton, whose well-considered, thoughtful, intelligent plans for our country quietly wrecked me.  Her musings on history and feminism, her plans to improve our infrastructure, our economy, our standing in the world and the health and education of our children – imagine, we could have had all that.  Hillary is the 2017 valedictorian of my booklist and I’m off to cry again.

Best Looking.  From the purple and white clothbound cover and silver slipcase to the luminous interior illustrations – the approach to Moonacre, Maria’s colorful tower bedroom – and the sweetly evocative text, Maria Merryweather and The Little White Horse are gorgeous indeed.

Best Friends.  Jess, Megan, Becca, Cassidy, and Emma take the title this year, as they reconvene for one summer together as camp counselors before going their separate ways to college.  And of course, they deal with challenges from their campers and their surly boss the way their moms taught them – by starting a book club and reading some classic literature!

Class Clown.  I laughed until I cried at Alexandra Petri.  She’s the classic class clown – self-deprecating in the most hilarious way.  You haven’t really laughed until you’ve read her account of being hit on while wearing a Jabba the Hutt suit at a Star Wars convention.

Biggest Jock.  Beartown is a whole town full of jocks – hockey jocks, to be specific.  They run the gamut from mildly obsessed to dangerously so, and when the star player of the town’s junior team commits a horrible crime, they have to decide what is more important – hockey, or the young woman whose life he ruins.  Since it’s a town of hockey jocks, some choose hockey, and it’s chilling.  (I love hockey, but it is only a game.)

Teacher’s Pet.  When her neighbor brings a “guru” to town, Lucia Lucas sees no way forward except to steal the “guru” for herself and become his star pupil.  When he turns out to be a swindler, she’s disappointed but undaunted.  The image of Lucia in flowing white robes, holding court as a yoga instructor in her guru’s model, is hilarious.

Biggest Nerd.  Who wants to read a doorstopper of a non-fiction book about every aspect of the typical Victorian day down to the minutia of hair-dressing?  Me!  Me, please!  Ruth Goodman’s unabashed enthusiasm for the details of a departed historic era earn her the title of “biggest nerd,” and it is a title I bestow with great love and affection, because nerds are the best people, and everyone should love something.

Most Creative.  Mia Warren, avant-garde photographer, gets the title this year for her headfirst, tumultuous approach to photography and life.  I only wish we’d gotten to follow along with her career to the fame that we are assured she eventually finds.

Most Opinionated.  Ta-Nehisi Coates’ writing for The Atlantic is brilliant, comprehensive, and unfailingly honest and raw.  I invariably devour anything he publishes on The Atlantic online, so I’d already read a few of the essays in his collection of eight pieces published during the Obama Administration, but I gladly read them again.  Reading Coates has expanded my horizons in so many ways, and his take on the current events of the day is invariably complex, nuanced and thought-provoking.

Most Likely to End Up in Hollywood.  It was hard not to cheat on this one, because I read so many books last year that I know are destined for Hollywood because they’re in preproduction or further along in the process of being made into a movie.  But there’s no fun in predicting that Ready Player One will end up in Hollywood, because – duh, it’s already there.  So I’m giving the title to Willie Lincoln and the cast of characters he meets while lingering in the space between death and the afterlife in Lincoln in the Bardo.  I will say, as I believe I have before in this category, that if this is made into a movie I’m not going to see it.  I found the imagery upsetting enough on the page – I don’t need to see it played out before my eyes.

Biggest Rebel.  Nimona is the definition of a rebel – who else would saunter into a villain’s lair and insist on becoming his sidekick?  Of course, as the graphic novel plays out, it becomes clear that Nimona has no interest in playing by the rules that Lord Ballister Blackheart (villain) and Sir Ambrosius Goldenloin (hero) have set up to govern their interactions – and also that Nimona is way scarier than her boss, Blackheart.

Biggest Loner.  He’s a hero, celebrity, and one of a trio of code-breaking geeks as Parzival in the virtual world of The Oasis, but in “reality,” Wade Watts is as alone as you can get – huddled in his hideout, wearing his virtual reality goggles twenty hours a day.  You can’t feel sorry for him, though, because everyone else is locked away in their own virtual worlds, too.

Cutest Couple.  Ari Mendoza and Dante Quintana take this year’s prize!  The boys meet at a swimming pool and become best friends, their friendship lasting through major ordeals and self-discovery.  When they finally kissed, it was all I could do not to cheer (I would have, but I was on the metro, listening to Lin-Manuel Miranda gorgeously read the audiobook version).

Prom King.  Who is the mysterious guy that makes all the girls swoon?  He’s suave and sophisticated and you know he knows where all the best libations are hidden.  This year’s Prom King is Count Alexander Rostov.

Prom Queen.  The 2017 Prom Queen is even more mysterious than the Prom King.  Astrid Leong comes from a family so rich that they don’t even want their existence known.  She is effortlessly graceful and stylish – she makes Jacqueline Kennedy look like, well, the rest of us.  Astrid would be mortified to be elected Prom Queen, but she shouldn’t worry.  This isn’t exactly the gossip papers.

Most Likely to Succeed.  How does a regular young girl end up one of the President’s most trusted advisors?  Alyssa Mastromonaco is going to tell you all about it.  Her memoir of her rise from campaign worker to a senior White House advisor under President Obama is absolutely fascinating, and she also drops in her thoughts about professionalism, preparation, teamwork and more.  If you want to know how to succeed in any venture you choose, the road map is right here.

There they are – the 2017 class of superlatives!  They’re a rowdy bunch but they’ve given me a lot of fun over the past twelve months.  I wonder what the 2018 class is going to do with their time…

Do you give high school yearbook-style awards to your books, too?  Just me?