Dear kids,

Last week, an important election took place.  You were only vaguely aware that it was happening – little girl, you knew, thanks to school, that something called an election was taking place and that Mommy hoped that Hillary would win.  But you almost certainly didn’t comprehend much more than that.  Little boy, you had no idea any of it was going on, because you’re not even two.  You’re just happy to be here.

Little girl, you know that Donald Trump was elected and that Mommy wasn’t happy about that.  You don’t know who Donald Trump is or why Mommy wanted the other candidate to win, and perhaps by the time you are old enough to understand, this election and the next few years will be an interesting chapter in your history book – about America losing its collective mind for awhile – and nothing more.  Perhaps we will have succeeded in bequeathing you a better world.  I hope so.

I have thought about what I would like to tell you – or the future versions of you – about this election.  I thought about not writing anything at all.  I thought about writing you something private, that I would share with only you.  (Future you, again, of course.)  But I think that I need to write this as much as you need to read it, so here it is.

First, some hard truths.

The 2016 election was a long and stressful season for everyone in America.  That’s true no matter what candidate they supported.  Ultimately, our candidate lost – but it was more than that.  This wasn’t a sporting event.  This wasn’t the Sabres (those poor Sabres) leaving us to console ourselves with another round of “maybe next year.”  This was more than the disappointment of a normal election cycle when your candidate loses.  The election of 2016 resulted in the elevation, to the highest office in the land, of a man who has openly bragged about sexually assaulting women, who has mocked the disabled and our veterans, who has built his empire on the backs of working people, who has gotten rich by refusing to honor his contracts with small business owners, who is proud of not paying federal taxes – that means he’s proud of not playing by the rules that Daddy and I have to play by and that you will one day have to play by – who has threatened to tear apart families, build walls, and turn away refugees (the “huddled masses yearning to breathe free” that our Statue of Liberty vows to welcome) because of their religion.  These are not the values of our family.

We value honesty.  We value work.  We value respect.  We value the dignity of every human soul.  We value the right of our fellow Americans to speak freely and worship as they see fit.  We value the humanity of every one of our neighbors, no matter the pigment of their skin tone.  We value the marriages and families of our LGBTQ+ friends.  We value the fundamental right of all to live in peace and without fear.

These are our family values, and it is more important than ever that we hold them tight.

That said, I don’t want you to read this and think that everyone who voted for Donald Trump is bad, and everyone who voted for Hillary Clinton is good.  Lots of people who voted for Trump did so for reasons that have nothing to do with hate or bigotry.  Many people feel discouraged or forgotten, or they’re worried about their jobs.  I hope and believe that these people, who voted for Trump despite his rhetoric and not because of it, will speak up and tell him that they are going to hold him to the standards befitting the presidency.  Trump says that he wants to be president for all Americans – and I do hope he means that, although I am not optimistic and I am still deeply worried about your United States, kiddos.

Next, some hard truths for you, little girl.

You are privileged in many ways.  You are a white, upper middle class child in an affluent suburb.  But you are also a girl, and someday you will grow up to be a woman and while I would love to shield you forever, there are certain things that will probably happen to you.

Let me give you an example.  A few weeks ago, I was crossing the street in front of our family dentist’s office.  I was in a hurry, because I was late for an appointment, and the light was about to turn – so I was rushing.  As I crossed the street, a man shouted “Smile!” at me.  I ignored him, because I am of the opinion that I do not owe smiles to every random stranger on the street.  Not getting what he wanted, he yelled out “Be polite!”  I (politely) continued to ignore him.  He then snarled, “Bitch.”

You will grow up someday, and you will probably also encounter strangers who believe that you owe them your beautiful smile.  You do not.  And if you choose to withhold it, you may also hear a foul word thrown your way.  You will probably do what I did – continue to ignore him, walk a little faster, and breathe easier when you reach the safety of the dentist’s office.

You may be mommy-tracked at work.  You may see a man with less experience get promoted over you.  You may be asked on dates by random guys on the street, guys who may get mean when you turn them down.  You may have someone grab you, not even ask, and “just start kissing” – as the new President-elect has gloated he does.  These are all things that have happened to me.  This was why I was so upset last Wednesday.  Because the election results made me feel as though half of my fellow Americans think that’s acceptable, and it is not.

Now, a promise for you.  Or really, a renewal of a promise, because this is what I told you when you were born:

I am your mom, and I will always be here for you.  I will smooth your path if I can.  I know where the stumbling blocks and holes are, because I walked up ahead to do reconnaissance for you.  I will hold your hand, I will be your guide if you’ll let me, and I will always have your back.  If you want to walk on your own for awhile, I’ll let you, but know that I’ll be right there on the path too, if you need company later.  I’ll never stop telling you that you are smart, and capable, and brave, and compassionate, and loved for the bright little person you are.  When Daddy sings you songs he’s made up about the Mars rover, he’s telling you that you’re smart.  When I read you stories about bold, brave, adventurous and independent girls like you, I’m telling you that you’re capable and strong and in no need of any prince to rescue you.  And if you ever need me to, I’ll put on my spikiest stilettos and kick some ass on your behalf.

Your turn, little boy.  I have some hard truths for you, too.

You have been born into a world where you are going to have many advantages based entirely on the fact that you are white and male.  You are privileged beyond the wildest dreams of most of the rest of the world.  Like your sister, you are a white upper middle class child living in an affluent suburb.  But you have an advantage that she doesn’t: you’re a boy.  You’re going to grow up to be a white American man (probably), and as Peter Parker’s uncle would say, “with great power comes great responsibility.”  When you have privileges that you’ve done nothing to earn (and I say this with nothing but love in my heart for you, little one) you owe a duty to wield those privileges with compassion and honor.

So here’s my promise to you, again a renewal of the promise I whispered in your ear as I held you in my arms, only a few days old, watching snow fall outside of your nursery:

I will teach you to be a good, honorable, decent man.  I will teach you to respect all people, to acknowledge the humanity of everyone you meet, to treat the planet and its inhabitants with kindness and to behave with dignity toward women, people of color, our LGBTQ+ friends, and those who cherish religious beliefs that are different from yours.  In short, I will hold up Daddy as the example to follow.  I will show you how to walk with responsibility on our Earth, and I will do the same – I will do my part in passing down to you a home that is clean, fresh, and filled with as many whales as possible (because I love whales).  I will hold you accountable and I will demand that you be the best of men, because you are my son and I love you more than life.

It’s been a rough week for many of us, and we’re in for a rough time ahead.  Our family is lucky in that we will probably emerge pretty much unscathed from this presidency.  I wish I could say the same for other families, and for the environment.  Close to home, I promise to do whatever I can to shield you from what the new President-elect represents (which shouldn’t be too terribly hard, because you’re babies).  I can’t shake the feeling that we really messed this one up.  Sometimes I catch myself wondering if I could have done more.  Yes I voted, and I’m proud of my vote – but could I have helped out in some other way?  I was so wrapped up in living, and working, and parenting, that perhaps I didn’t do enough.  I won’t be asleep at the switch anymore – that I promise you both.  We’re going to wake up tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, and we’re going to declare with every action that our family believes in a diverse America, that we want to live in an America where all are welcome and all are safe, and we’re going to insist that our leaders protect our wild places and respect our neighbors.  Finally, we’re going to teach you to do the same, so that when you grow up, you can just look back on all of this and say, “that was weird.”

Love,

Mom

Public Service Announcement: If by some chance you actually haven’t seen “Melanianade” yet, here ya go.  Go ahead and watch it.  I’ll wait.

I first became attuned to political satire after 9/11.  I remember searching for the Saturday Night Live video of a comedian playing George W. Bush telling Osama bin Laden “You screwed up, buddy,” because “you messed with Texas” after hearing my friend Seth describe the sketch.  I was vaguely aware that SNL mocked politicians (and that they were equal opportunity mockers) and was wondering how they were managing to approach a national tragedy as a comedy show.  (I thought they walked the line incredibly well, but I suppose that’s no surprise.  SNL has, throughout its history, been written by very, very smart people.)  Of course, I never got to see these political sketches as they were actually airing, because I am way too old and lame to stay awake that night, and that was also true when I was twenty.

Backing up for a minute, though – it was not actually SNL that started my love affair with political comedy.  It was this man: my favorite comedian of all time and longest-running crush, the incomparable Jon Stewart.  There was a period in my life when I got 100% of my news from The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, and that period coincided with me being better informed about the political process and our governance than I ever have been before and since.  I mean, who can resist the patented Jon Stewart Smirk?  You know the one, where he’s just reported some crazy but true news item about rampant Congressional stupidity, and he turns his face to the camera and gives a look as if sharing a private joke with his viewers, asking them, you find this as ludicrous as I do, right?

That’s the one.  And also this:

(Please excuse my present tense when writing about Jon.  I’m still in the denial stage of grieving his decision to leave The Daily Show.)  Of course, one can’t talk about Jon Stewart without also talking about his counterpoint and foil:

Steven Colbert, who I adore almost as much as Jon Stewart.  The days when The Colbert Report immediately followed The Daily Show on Comedy Central really were the golden days of political satire.  I don’t care what the Greek philosophers would say to that.  It’s the truth.  

These are scary times that we are living in.  We’ve been buffeted by hateful rhetoric for months, listening to a candidate for the highest office in our country spew sickening comments about women, immigrants, African-Americans, Muslims, the disabled, and basically every group of people other than his immediate family.  We’ve watched hate crime after hate crime unfold in a twenty-four hour news cycle – mass murders at nightclubs and churches, and death after death of unarmed black men, women and children at the hands of out-of-control renegade police and angry vigilantes.  From early in this Presidential election cycle, there were comparisons with Adolf Hitler’s rise, and those comparisons started looking more and more apt as time went on and we all started to fray at the seams.  And now the worst has happened and we are left to wonder – what went wrong, did I do enough to prevent it, and how on Earth am I going to explain this to my daughter?

We have reason to worry about the behavior that was exhibited in political rallies, about the tightening of restrictive voter laws, about the fact that rampant hate and bigotry was elected last night.  I can’t fault anyone who grabs for a life raft in these stormy seas.  And this is the life raft that I am grabbing for – that I always grab for – satire and parody.

You may say, Jac, it’s just comedy.  But it’s not – it’s more than that.  The people who mic up and go into battle, eyes blazing, against the forces of absurdity are performing a necessary public service.  They are fighting for America and Americans using the most basic of liberties: the First Amendment.  They are proving that we are still a democracy, and we will be a democracy as long as they are around.  Because when we lose the right to make fun of our Presidential candidates’ hair, we lose our humanity.

No, I mean that.  I am completely sincere when I say that the right to laugh at Alec Baldwin in a Donald Trump wig, to wipe tears of mirth as Cecily Strong sings “You’d just be that guy with the weird hair” and then declares “I wrote that all by myself!” in Melanianade, to giggle at Kate McKinnon as she assumes the roles of both Hillary Clinton and Kellyanne Conway – these are fundamental American rights, as important to our democracy as anything else.  And I believe that the fact that we can do this, laugh and mock and point out the ridiculousness – this makes us strong.

Donald Trump has, unsurprisingly, laid into SNL for its portrayals of him and his campaign.  Trump has proven again and again that he can’t take a joke, that he doesn’t recognize the importance of parody and satire in our discourse, and I believe that is the tendency that would cause him to try to strip away our American freedoms one by one. Contrast this with Sarah Palin, who threw her hands up in the air, did a “raise the roof” move and busted out an admirable duck face when Amy Poehler rapped “All the mavericks in the house put ya hands up!” in 2008. I was not a fan of Sarah Palin in 2008, and I’m not a fan now, but there’s a difference there, and I gained some respect for Palin when I saw the sporting way in which she sat and laughed along as Poehler teased her in rhyme.  Yo yo, my name is Sarah Palin and you all know me, V.P. nominee of the GOP… McCain got experience, McCain got style, just don’t let him creep you out when he tries to smile.  ‘Cause that smile be creepy! But when I’m V.P. all the leaders of the world gonna finally meet meeeeeeee!  (And who could forget my favorite line from the Palin rap: My husband Todd lookin’ fine on his snow machine.”)  But it’s not just about being a good sport.  It’s about sending a message: This is part of our political tradition, and I understand that.  If I’m elected, you can make fun of me all you want – you can even point and laugh – without fear that you’re going to be thrown in prison or shot.  Because this is America and that’s not who we are.

Satire and parody.  These are weapons to expose the soft underbelly of politics, and all its attendant ridiculousness.  Satirists such as Jon Stewart also eviscerate the mainstream media for its flaws, and in that way, they preserve a tradition of robust debate that dates back to the founding of our country.  (Wouldn’t A. Ham be proud?)  These are the reasons why it is important to keep political satire alive and well.

Some may say that promoting comedians to a role on the front lines of preserving our freedoms assigns them too much responsibility and importance.  I disagree.  I don’t think it’s possible to overstate their importance to our democratic discourse, to our freedom to debate and disagree.  And they keep me optimistic that we’re going to be okay, in the end.  As long as Alexandra Petri is skewering Washington insiders in the pages of the Post, as long as Seth Myers is ripping into the collective insanity that has gripped one of our major political parties, as long as the Harry Potter Alliance is selling “Granger / Lovegood 2016” tote bags for those who want to vote third party… I can have some hope that we’re still America and we’re going to be okay.  We can’t be a dictatorship, we won’t be a dictatorship, as long as someone like Kate McKinnon can poke fun at the ruling elite and do it with impunity and without fear.  The political comedians and comediennes are shielding the rest of us with their audacity.

Jon Stewart.  Steven Colbert.  Tina Fey.  Amy Poehler.  Seth Myers.  Kate McKinnon.  Emily Blunt.  Cecily Strong.  Alexandra Petri.  They are our laugh warriors, keeping us free.