Lately I’ve been spending a lot of thought on the balancing act of parenting while still trying to maintain some pre-baby interests.  It’s been on my mind for a few reasons: for one, I have several friends who are pregnant, or hoping to be soon, and for another, I’ve been contending with a much tighter schedule since going back to work and simply don’t have the luxury of hours of weekday naptime to get my chores done and pursue my own interests.

When you get pregnant, or even before, you almost certainly hear variations on the same theme from friends who are a little further down the baby path.  “Your life will never be the same again.”  “Kiss your free time goodbye.”  “Don’t expect to get much reading done with a baby!”  “You’re crazy if you think you can train for a marathon / read 100 books annually / keep up your knitting pace / play in your tennis league / whatever once you have a kid.”  I always resisted that mentality; just because I’m a mom doesn’t mean I have to lose everything that makes me me.  Then there’s the opposite end of the spectrum: those people who insist that baby will just fit into their lives without changing anything.  Which I think is equally unrealistic.

For me, the truth about parenting and hobbies falls somewhere in the middle.  I’m no veteran by any stretch of the imagination, but I can’t life my life without having my own interests.  In 21 months as a mom, here are my truths about parenting and hobbies:

You can’t do it all.  If you’re anything like me, your schedule has always been full.  Before Peanut’s arrival, I filled my non-work hours with a variety of interests: running, reading, yoga, knitting, baking, and more.  But it’s a fact that kids do take up a certain chunk of time.  Some of your hobbies are going to be back-burnered for a little while, and that’s okay.  My Rosetta Stone French CDs and my cello have been gathering dust since Peanut’s arrival, and I’m fine with that.  I know that they’ll be there waiting for me when I’m ready to pick them up again.  My knitting pace has also slowed down, and that’s okay too – I still pick up my needles when I’m watching TV and I don’t worry about my rate of scarf production at all.

You can do some, but you have to choose.  Even if I don’t have time for all of my previous interests – between family time, work, house hunting, and other obligations I’m certainly busy – I have time for some of them.  I’m still reading at almost the same pace as I did pre-Peanut, and I’ve found a way to keep training for and running in races.  Those are my top priority hobbies, so those are the hobbies I’ve found a way to fit into my schedule.  That’s come at the expense of some others (see French and cello) but it’s what works for me right now and it’s just fine – I’m still getting the “Me Time” I need.

A good support system makes everything easier.  I’m lucky to have the husband I have.  He’s been a trooper about carting Peanut around in the Deuter while I ride my bike through every borough of New York City or run a 10K with my team of supermoms.  If I didn’t have his support, there’s no way I could pursue those activities.  And I try to make it a two-way street, entertaining Peanut solo on weekend afternoons while he unwinds by meeting his friends in a virtual world and shooting some zombies (or whatever they’re doing lately).  We’re both conscious of the fact that the other gets limited free time, and we both try to facilitate – within reason – the other’s methods of relaxing.

It’s good for the kid.  I have never wanted to be one of those moms with no identity outside “wife” and “mother” and “employee,” and I think it’s better for Peanut that I’m not.  She’s going to grow up seeing me setting goals and working to achieve them, with a book in my hand and running shoes on my feet.  And I hope what she takes away from my example is the lesson that everyone deserves to live a healthy, happy life.  When she watches me run in a race, or when she sees me read, I am very conscious of the messages I’m sending her: that you should make time for the things that bring you bliss, that reading and living a healthy lifestyle can be fun.

You’ll get a lot more reading done with an infant than you think you will… but toddlers are a whole new world.  I don’t think I’ve ever read quite so much as I did when I was on maternity leave.  Peanut spent most of her time napping the day away in my arms, while I lost myself in Fairacre.  When she got older I took time off from work and my book totals stayed high.  It’s only now that I’m back at work, balancing a full-time job with an active toddler, that it’s starting to drop off a little.  And once again, I’m fine with that.  The books aren’t going away anytime soon… but it is a fallacy that newborns leave you with no time to read.  In fact, you’ve got all the time in the world, if you’re awake.

You may have to get creative with the schedule for awhile.  Hubby and I don’t like to just sit around the house, but having a kid means a certain amount of downtime during naps.  We use that time to pursue our quiet indoor interests (reading for me, video games for him) and when Peanut is awake, we’re out and about.  This has gotten a lot easier now that she’s down to just one nap a day – we’ve found time for family outings in the morning, and neighborhood walks, trips to the playground, or dinners out in the early evenings.  We’ve had to find a way to work around the rigid nap schedule, but once we figured it out, fitting in fun became much easier.

Solo or couples’ hobbies will turn into family hobbies and you’ll love it.  Hubby and I have always been avid hikers.  One of our first dates was a hike, and we haven’t looked back.  Pre-Peanut, we could pound out miles upon miles on the trails, and we spent many a weekend day doing just that – chatting about our weeks, planning our next vacation, or just enjoying each other’s presence and absorbing the quiet of the woods.  With a tiny baby, we didn’t get out as much and I missed it tremendously – but now that Peanut’s ready, we’ve been hitting the trails again, this time with her in tow.  The hikes aren’t quite as long, but we’re out there and that’s good enough for me.  Good gear helps – Peanut loves to sit in her Deuter KidComfort III backpack, and I don’t know that we’d be able to stay on the trails as long as we have if she wasn’t as happy up there.  I love that we’re now out hiking as a family, introducing her to one of our favorite ways to spend time with each other, and I love that she’ll grow up on the trails, hand in hand with us.

How do you balance your responsibilities (parenting, work, whatever they are) with your interests?