Being an avid bookworm, I am constantly looking for ways to beat other people over the head with my hobby. I do this by wearing bookish clothes (like my Pride and Prejudice tee from Out of Print) and jewelry (like my Penguin Classics necklace)… displaying bookish home decor items (like my reclaimed wood “read” sign)… carrying a bookish tote bag… and pretty much walking around every day with my nose stuck in a book. Books are my biggest vice.
Another one of my vices? Etsy. I love to surf the site looking for cool, one of a kind items with which to adorn myself, my baby, and my house. And when those items are bookish? Well, that’s when everything converges into a heaping helping of happy.
But in the course of my scrolling through endless pages of necklaces, coffee mugs, throw pillows and tote bags emblazoned with quotes from my favorite books, I keep coming across one that makes me scratch my head. It’s from Mr. Darcy:
“In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”
Awwwwwww! So romantic, right? Who wouldn’t want that quote on her coffee mug… sweatshirt… bracelet… pillow… wall…?
Me. I wouldn’t. Because here’s the thing about that quote. If you’ve read Pride and Prejudice, you know that it’s the beginning of Mr. Darcy’s first, failed marriage proposal to Elizabeth. You know the one. The one where he tells her that he loves her in spite of her personality, her lack of funds, and her embarrassing family. The one where he sticks his foot deeper into his mouth than, possibly, any other character in literature. Oh, and as you can imagine, the proposal goes over like a lead balloon with the lady.
I don’t understand the popularity of this quote. It’s completely out of context, and if you read the chapter in which it originated, Darcy comes across as an arrogant jerk. Of course, read on, and you learn that what looks like arrogance at first is really shyness and awkwardness – hence, why the book was originally called First Impressions. But I have to wonder: when people buy coffee mugs that say “In vain I have struggled” on them, do they intend to make a statement about giving people the benefit of the doubt or looking below the surface of someone’s words to see their true self? Or do they just not realize that this quote isn’t from Darcy’s second proposal, which goes a lot better, and they think it’s the grand sweeping romantic moment of the book? Why do people always seem to gravitate to this moment and not to Darcy’s second, successful, proposal?
Maybe it’s because the true romance of Darcy’s second proposal isn’t in the words. It’s in everything that leads up to them – in Elizabeth finally beginning to discover all of the areas where her first impression of Darcy was incorrect; in Darcy struggling with the fact that his bumbling attempts at courtship may have cost him his chance at love; in Elizabeth’s amazement at finding Darcy’s hand behind the rescue of her sister’s reputation; in Darcy’s discovery from the unlikeliest of sources that his love for Elizabeth is not unrequited after all. Once all of that happens, the words of the proposal almost don’t even matter, because the reader already knows that these two characters are simply meant for each other.
It’s too bad you can’t fit all of that on a coffee mug. Now that’s a mug I’d buy.
covered in flour 
It seems that most people are looking at the romance of the words on the surface and forgetting the context. There’s something compelling about the sheer power of love that will not be denied no matter what, even though the person in love may not want to admit it at first.
Poor Darcy. He messed it up the first time but at least he redeemed himself later.
He sure did – redeem himself, that is. (And mess up.) Your interpretation is interesting; I’m sure there were layers upon layers that Austen sought to convey. Love that won’t be denied no matter what is romantic for sure. But Darcy’s delivery needed some serious tact triage!
Maybe it’s because Colin Firth delivered the line so darn well that I can hear his voice as I read the words?
Truth. Colin Firth IS Mr. Darcy. Hope you’re having fun in England! Peanut wants to join you next time. 🙂
So true! Darcy’s first attempt is one of the worst fictional marriage proposals of all time. The only one that’s worse is Mr. Rochester’s proposal to Jane Eyre (“You—you strange, you almost unearthly thing!—I love as my own flesh. You—poor and obscure, and small and plain as you are—I entreat to accept me as a husband.”).
I completely agree – Mr. Rochester’s proposal is pretty bad, too. What is it with these fictional heroes and terrible proposals?
Context is everything, isn’t it? Mr. Darcy doesn’t come close to being a romantic character for me until Elizabeth visits Pemberley.
Indeed. I adore Mr. Darcy, of course, and he’s more of a romantic character once you know how the story turns out and what was really in his head for much of the latter half of the book. But the first time I read “P&P” I kept thinking, “THIS guy? Really?!” As romantic Austen heroes go, I’m rather partial to Mr. Knightley and especially Edward Ferrars.